tommycapnpants Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 still messed up over breakup of LTR. saw my ex tonight. we talked about our breakup for the first time. it has been 4 months. tonight i finally told her how i really felt. no more walls, no more pretending to be o.k. i just needed to get it off my chest to save my sanity. i have been keeping myself busy with school, working out and surfing when i have time. a girl in my class asked me out on a date last week. i did the strangest thing. i told her no, walked calmly to the bathroom. went into a stall and then began to cry. i think it was at that point that i realized how far away my ex and i have grown apart. then the next four days i thought i was going crazy. it was so surreal. it felt as if i had been detached from my body. almost like i wasnt in myself and the world was not real. i think i was trying to detach myself so much from the pain that i actually did and brought on temporary depersonalization. scary stuff, cause i thought i was not going to ever be normal again. she tried to apologize,, but i told her there really is no reason to. it was her decision. it's just too bad for me that i was not a part of it. she said she loves me and always will. . .i know it shouldnt make me feel better, but it does. i dont want to hold on, im trying so hard to let go. we moved to hawaii together two years ago. in two weeks she is moving back to the mainland. god, i feel like such a loser for being this depressed in hawaii. i feel so alone. and i guess i am writing this because the only friend i have here is her and i just need to vent some more.
Author tommycapnpants Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 o yeah. i just ate more than a pint of ice cream with peanut butter and some watermelon. . .makes me feel even worse. at least it was lowfat/no sugar added.
Travis L Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 o yeah. i just ate more than a pint of ice cream with peanut butter and some watermelon. . .makes me feel even worse. at least it was lowfat/no sugar added. PB & Watermelon? The thought alone is enough to make me feel like crap Seriously though, it's been four months and some change for me (June 11th). It's tough man... I can't imagine moving to Hawaii with someone and then getting left... Do you have to/want to stay in Hawaii? Is the reason you turned the girl down that you are not over your ex? Even if it's just as friends, couldn't hurt to hang out with other people...it took a lot of attention from my friends to get me through the fog. I guess I don't have a lot of advice as our situations are vastly different, I just wanted to say I feel for you man! Next time you see that girl, apologize for turning her down and ask her out! Like I said, can never hurt to make new friends...
sao2 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Hi Tommy, I totally understand. My ex is getting back from overseas right around now and all the feelings are getting amplified again. Luckily(or unluckily) I still live 1500 miles from her. I am also living on a tropical island(PR), I moved here about a year and a half ago and I am now looking to move back to the mainland. The thing about tropical islands is they can get depressing if you are single and have no family near. I always tell people that tropical islands get boring after about 6 months. Don't feel bad, I have my dream job on a tropical island and I still feel like crap. I know plenty of people dealing with depression on this island. You can't really talk to people who haven't lived here because they just don't understand. They just think you are lucky for having the beach and warm weather year-round. Take this one bit of relief, there was absolutely nothing you could have done differently. Your ex wanted something different that did not include you.
Author tommycapnpants Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 thanks for the replies guys. you are right watermelon and ice cream are not a good mix, but sorrow does weird things to a person i guess. and i cant leave hawaii right now. in the middle of a semester and cant afford to transfer after this one is done. i would love to leave though. when i turned down that girl, i did it out of instinct i guess. i mean i didnt flinch, i just said no. . .sorry. but, ultimately i just dont think i am ready. but, i know i need to make myself ready. . .because this is not healthy. hey sao, im sorry to hear that your ex's return to the usa is bringing you down. but, i know how you feel. you and i have been going through this time in our lives in about the same time frame i think. so, i am there for you man. we have our ups and downs thats for sure. i have been so ready to focus on me. . .but even then my mind drifts and returns to the hole that was left in my life. some say it takes half the time you were in the relationship to actually get over it. if that is true i have a long way to go. but, everyone heals differently i guess. living on this island right now is making me sick. i cant concentrate on school, i cant surf. . .i lost all desire to surf. wtf? everything here brings her face to my mind. so, i know how you feel as you live in Puerto Rico. i hope you can find the peace that allows you to keep your dream job there. may we all find the courage to face the pain and accept it. not numb ourselves to it. . .because that really affected me in weird ways. we have to be honest with ourselves and our ex's. pride is of no consequence when someone already knows you so deeply and thoroughly. so, i am glad i had dinner and that talk with her last night. honestly, she was pretty moved. because on the few meetings we have had, i have been stone. but, this time i had to be honest and show what was inside. its a new month. october is here and i am hoping for change. i feel it coming and it scares me. i want to let go of this now. i hope i can, but it will still take time i think.
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