marc pigeon Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 So how long on average does it take for the instigator of a break-up to come back? the victim usually moves on faster because right as u get dumped ur put in survival mode, while as the instigator of the break-up will usually feel happy about it until the reality blows up in her face? or they realise they screwed up? Been 4months since me and my ex broke-up, it was her move and i just kinda engaged in "no contact" right away. She totally screwed me over and decided she wanted her space to find herself but she acts as tho im a terrible thing and the worst thats happen to her. She's either acting like that cuz she's guilty and hates herself for what she did, or she really hates me but after alllllllllllll i've done for her its not something i know she'd just forget, she must be eating her stomach sometimes. Is 4months a long time enough for her to realise anything? We were together for a 1yr and 3mths. or is 4months not long at all, and she still hasn't figured it out in her lil' head? opinions from women plz
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Well Marc everyone's situation is different of course, but for me, as the instigator it was about 4 months before I realized that I didn't want the relationship to end. We had done this before so I didn't really think things were going to end completely as we stayed in touch, talked, and well, I guess I thought of it as a break until I figured out what I wanted. Very bad idea, bad communication, I was selfish expecting him to just wait for me. Now he is in a new relationship and I am devastated. Trying to move on.. I think because I always thought of him as "mine" (sounds terrible but I hope you know what I mean), when I realized he wasn't.. the reality of my actions set it. The reality of the situation set in and all I feel is loss. It's for the best I suppose but living without my best friend is HARD. I miss him terribly right now.
niceguy27 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 You sound a lot like my ex. I think that is how she sees me right now. I understand what you mean about the "selfish" statement. My ex told me almost the exact same thing. I think she sees me as "hers." Its only been a month now and I am trying hard to cope and better myself. We had tried it before also and had kept in touch and stuff but it was only for a few days maybe. This time around I have not called, txt., or anything. First time we have actually NOT spoken so we'll see. everyone is different. If you guys had a good and honest relationship with no real big issues, things may turn around. But dont wait by any means. Date, work out, hobby, something to get back your former self. Sometimes I wish there would of been issues. It would of been a lot easier to focus on that than emotions and differing feelings.
Spinderella Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I dont think its by any means a given that the dumper will regret their choice to break up. Sometimes down the line it will happen as a result of dissapointing subsequent relationships and circumstances. However, to realise that actually you werent such a bad guy (or girl), usually thats when the confusing mixture of emotions has died down. Sometimes people look back unrealistically too dont forget, and see someone who wasnt all that great for them in a much more favourable light, due to passing of time, and forgetting the bad stuff!
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