ChrisJ Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Hey there, I'll give you the low-down on my life... it sucks. Im a 20 year old male virgin attending University in Cardiff, Wales. I have never had a girlfriend and never pulled a girl. Nothing I try works and I have dificulty even keeping up a conversation with a girl. People keep saying its all about confidence, but since I rarely have any that idea is out of the window. Any ideas how to get out of this personnel hell?
pricillia Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I would just say that confidence is a big factor, also can you be more specific on what you think that you are lacking in?
Enema Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Where do you go to meet women? What do you look like? What are your interests? Do you want a relationship or sex?
Author ChrisJ Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 Ok I meet women at the local Student union bar as well as at the study campus and also when I'm out with flat mates. I can't seem to hold a conversation with any girl, I have plenty of girl mates but most of all I want companionship and ultimately sex.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Ok I meet women at the local Student union bar as well as at the study campus and also when I'm out with flat mates. I can't seem to hold a conversation with any girl, I have plenty of girl mates but most of all I want companionship and ultimately sex. Try places with lots of alcohol.
Author ChrisJ Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 Try places with lots of alcohol. Freshers has been alcohol fuelled and I still got nowhere.
Author ChrisJ Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 Probably not to be honest, thats nothing I can fix though unfortunatley
Enema Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Are your standards too high? Talking to women out of your league? 7's date 7's.
Author ChrisJ Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 Most likely but some girls that I speak to at the study campus are that visually stunning and I can get nowhere with them. I guess I don't have the gift of the gabb to carry anything on.
Lance Taylor Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Unfortunately there is no quick or magical fix. If you are having trouble talking to girls, then the only way to get better is by practicing. Talk to everyone, girls, guys, attractive, unattractive, doesnt matter. Just become conversational with everyone you are in contact with. Learn how to tell stories. Come up with two or three good stories (should be interesting, girl relevant and funny) about stuff youve done, practice them and tell them when you meet someone. Keep coming up with good stories, where the next time you are having a conversation, you can listen to what they are saying and respond with "oh that reminds me of the time..." This is only the very tip of what you can do to increase your success with women but it is a good start. Bottom line is that you have to get over your fear of rejection. Some of my friends that have slept with an amazing amount of beautiful women get rejected all the time. The difference is that they dont care, because they know they will probably get the next one that comes along. You have to develop that same attitude by going out and getting rejected and eventually having success. Good Luck!
Author ChrisJ Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 Unfortunately there is no quick or magical fix. If you are having trouble talking to girls, then the only way to get better is by practicing. Talk to everyone, girls, guys, attractive, unattractive, doesnt matter. Just become conversational with everyone you are in contact with. Learn how to tell stories. Come up with two or three good stories (should be interesting, girl relevant and funny) about stuff youve done, practice them and tell them when you meet someone. Keep coming up with good stories, where the next time you are having a conversation, you can listen to what they are saying and respond with "oh that reminds me of the time..." This is only the very tip of what you can do to increase your success with women but it is a good start. Bottom line is that you have to get over your fear of rejection. Some of my friends that have slept with an amazing amount of beautiful women get rejected all the time. The difference is that they dont care, because they know they will probably get the next one that comes along. You have to develop that same attitude by going out and getting rejected and eventually having success. Good Luck! I don't have stories and even when I go when I go to talk to women, they can barely hear me cause I speak so quietly. So wish me luck with the story idea .
Cobra_X30 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Probably not to be honest, thats nothing I can fix though unfortunatley Chris, there are a couple of items to increase your attractiveness! 1. Do you wear nice clothes? 2. Do you keep good hygiene? 3. Do you use cologne of any kind? Old spice doesnt count! 4. Do you stay in shape? You may not look like Brad Pitt, but seriously you can get girls based on other physical qualities! Besides this will help your confidence...
Lance Taylor Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Chris, everyone has stories. You just have to make them interesting and entertaining. For example: on my way to work today I got stuck in a traffic jam and this girl in a car next to me was singing so loud to the radio and bobbing her head. It was hilarious, then she looked over at me and got really embarassed and turned bright red. See, the stories dont have to be about something exotic or amazing, they just have to be entertaining. I couldve went on for at least 5 minutes adding funny details to that story, and kept it entertaining. Be very dramatic and animated when you talk, this commands attention. You can make any story entertaining, its more in how you tell it. As far as the voice, you can strengthen your voice too. Practice talking in a deeper voice that comes from your abdomen and not your throat. While you are alone practice talking loud and build up those muscles.
Green Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I don't have stories and even when I go when I go to talk to women, they can barely hear me cause I speak so quietly. So wish me luck with the story idea . theres no wishing you luck what that guy told you will definetly work. You speak quietly because your unconfident around women, and your unconfident because youve had no success. The only way for you to get that success is to keep trying to talk to the girls you find attractive, get rid of your nerves. As for the trick to being interesting dont do what every lame person does and have some boring conversation about where they are from what there name is and what song on the radio they like. Steal something from a book if you have to just be creative, try things out see what works... 20 yr old virgin aint that bad dont beat yourself up, and sex is really great but if your nervouse you wont be able to enjoy it so take the pressure off yourself you truely arnt any less of a person because you havnt been able to get it yet. Keep going to those drinking things, dont drink more then one beer yourself you need to be sharp, just tell a girl youve got a really great thing to show them back at your place then bam this is the hard part you have to go physical on them start kissing groping and you should be in!!! you might not get to have sex but you will definetly probably get to see her naked ... this will most likely turn into a one night stand ... but maybe not.... So say you have this great rock collection back at ur place, after talking to the girl a few minutes, you stick out ur arm for her to take and you go I really want to show you this great rock collection back at my place I think you'll really like it, one is a meteor rock from another galaxy blah blah blah I even have a moon rock that suposed to give seven years good luck if you touch it blah blah blah... yeah ok, then show them the rock collection in your room start kissing and touching and bam you could go all the way..... and that is how its done
fleck Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Join a society/ club. How long have you been at uni for? Lots of people go through partners like dinners at uni so if you're a newbie or shy maybe it'll take time to get into the swing of it. Don't try and aim yourself at girls, that's shallow. Talk about what interests you and why and you'll meet someone on the same wavelength eventually and you'll have way more fun. Guys and girls aren't so different.
Author ChrisJ Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 I haven't found any societies yet at the uni I'm at, but I should have been sent alist of existing ones by the SU. Maybe its time to remind them. Thanks for the suggestions, but I may find somethings like story telling difficult at first cause I can rarely remember any decent ones and two I often freeze when talking to people. Then I can't think of anything to say and the convo kinda dies... Needless to say I'll try and recall some and write them so I can remember them.
Green Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 just do that thing I told u how to do with the invite and u'll be gold
JCD Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 You need two things. One, a sexually attractive girl and two, an emotionally compatible girl. Right now I see you going for girls that are sexually attractive but not emotionally compatible with you. Keep on searching and you'll find girl with both qualities. Btw, look for a girl that will initiate convo with you. It's a good chance you're compatible as somehow girls can sense this better than guys. At least in my case.
Briggs55 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 People keep saying its all about confidence, but since I rarely have any that idea is out of the window. Any ideas how to get out of this personnel hell? Sorry, you need confidence. You need confidence in life PERIOD. Go to the gym, pursue your life goals, do your favourite hobbies, and don't let anyone hold you back.
Author ChrisJ Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 Thanks for the advice it worked wonders last night. Shame I made several school boy errors in the process (Not sitting in the back of the cab with her and not inviting her back to my uni flat for a night cap). But its all good practice for life ins't it? Anymore things I should watch out for?
woodsfield Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Thanks for the advice it worked wonders last night. Shame I made several school boy errors in the process (Not sitting in the back of the cab with her and not inviting her back to my uni flat for a night cap). But its all good practice for life ins't it? Anymore things I should watch out for? i can't help you because i was close to the same as you and my wife "picked" from the crowd. "worked wonders"???? got anymore details??? does she still have an interest??? opinions differ on this, so when are you going to call her??? others may have better advice than i, but to be a broken record, CONFIDENCE. nothing else matters as much....well, it helps not to stink. goodluck my Welch friend.
Author ChrisJ Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 i can't help you because i was close to the same as you and my wife "picked" from the crowd. "worked wonders"???? got anymore details??? does she still have an interest??? opinions differ on this, so when are you going to call her??? others may have better advice than i, but to be a broken record, CONFIDENCE. nothing else matters as much....well, it helps not to stink. goodluck my Welch friend. We met in Tiger Tiger (a club in Cardiff city centre) the previous week and she was there last night. She is a 22 year old Grad student doing a teaching course here. Anyways we got on like a house on fire and we ended up kissing on the dance floor. We got a cab back home together (we both live at same Campus). I kissed her goodnight and we went our seperate ways. I knew I should have asked her if she wanted a nightcap back at mine, but that wasn't even on my mind (I forgot). I think she has an interest in me but I won't know for sure till I see her again. I'm gonna wait about a 2/3 days before I call her. Confidence had a big part to play in this. Actually the week before I got off with another girl at the same club (lucky for me eh?), but I think that was a case of the beer-goggles on my part. FYI I'm not Welsh. I'm an Englishman studying in Wales.
woodsfield Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 FYI I'm not Welsh. I'm an Englishman studying in Wales. eeeek! my apologies! i'm an English colonist, if you will. if there is interest from her, there was no reason for the night cap. you would have "gotten some" and prehaps scared yourself away....believe me; i've been there. then again, you are a different person than i. i think if it did not cross your mind, then you made the right call. 3 days may be too long....the weekend is approaching, my boy. Saturday night would be a good time to see what she is doing. like i said, i wish others would chime in since i'm not the ladies man. i'd say call Sat morn to see what she is doing that night. God Speed, me ENGLISH friend via Wales.
Author ChrisJ Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 eeeek! my apologies! i'm an English colonist, if you will. if there is interest from her, there was no reason for the night cap. you would have "gotten some" and prehaps scared yourself away....believe me; i've been there. then again, you are a different person than i. i think if it did not cross your mind, then you made the right call. 3 days may be too long....the weekend is approaching, my boy. Saturday night would be a good time to see what she is doing. like i said, i wish others would chime in since i'm not the ladies man. i'd say call Sat morn to see what she is doing that night. God Speed, me ENGLISH friend via Wales. Thanks I will do that. I may have put her off slightly though I sat at the front of the cab (rookie mistake I know) and I got the feeling she wanted me to go in the back with her. And I didn't have enough cash to pay the full fare so she paid some of it. Then again I spose we wouldn't have kissed at her front door if she had been. I dunno, women are mysterious things. Don't worry bout it I've been called worse things than welsh lol.
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