xfess Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I have been dating this girl for over a week. Friday Night, our 1st date we went bowling and she loved it. 2 days later we went to the movies then hung out in her backyard and stared at the night sky together. at the end of the night we shared our 1st kiss together and we made out as well. during the week we went to the Bronx zoo and held hands, kissed & had a great time. Later that night we chatted online and she told me this: like, seriously, how is possible that you arent taken? you are like a freakin dream......handsome, tons of fun, always up for doing ANYTHING......its like i tihnk to myself, wahtdid i do to deserve this.... i know this might freak you out a little, but you are the best guy that i have gone out with in a while. like i had sucha good time and it felt so0o good not to cry at some point. you are so awesome and you made my day, week, and so on . thanx It meant alot to me and she is so great. Last night I had dinner at her house and watched 2 movies together. I also gave her a single red rose and she told me at the end of the night that I was the only guy to give her a rose since her 1st Boyfriend. As I got home I got a text message from her saying: "How come your Myspace status says you are in a relationship". I knew I was jumping the gun (after only dating for a week) by changing my status from single to dating but I thought she had the same feelings too. So I called her and lied saying I was messing around with some stuff and I must have changed it by mistake (I was afraid of her reaction if I told her the truth) & asked if it bothered her. She told me that she just got off from a 3 year relationship with a guy and she was taking this relationship with me "day by day". She told me that she did date 1 or 2 guys before me and they were bad boys and she knew they were only after sex. she was so use to these guys that when she met me, she was caught off guard because I was the nicest guy she ever met. Now I've been reading articles/advice columns about this situation and found out that I may be part of a TRANSITIONAL RELATIONSHIP. I dated another girl a month before and it was the same situation (she got out of a 4 year relationship) but it was only one date and then it was over..... Im starting to fear that I have feelings for her and am afraid to have my heart broken if im just a short term guy for her, so she can get over her ex. I know she has feelings for me, we hung out for 5 out of the past 8 days, text message, IM, and call each other. I am thinking about having a talk with her tomorrow and discussing this situation with her. I am afraid to find out if I am part of this transition. But I was wondering if anyone else believes differently.
glittergurl Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I think it's good you want to have a talk with her. She's sending mixed signals and that's not a fair play in my oppinion. On one hands she leads you on with all those compliments and tells you how amazing you are, and on the other hand she says she wants to take it day by day and even sounds like she basically told you to not take it too seriously for a while. So what is it? If she's so worried about taking it slowly, then she shoudln't keep your hopes up so much and so fast. Being careful after a long term relationship failed is completely understandable. But her intentions and actions need to match. About the MySpace: my first reaction was that she might have assumed you had lied about being single and were cheating with her. I don't know if maybe that's how she first took it when she saw it. I think the excuse you came up with was silly and she probably knows that's not the truth lol In any case I would definitely have a very open talk with her. I doubt she's had such open and honest conversations with the previous guys; so that may be what will make a difference in your case.
NYCmitch25 Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Let me tell you this in "man language": Stop rushing things and stop being afraid of relationship failure... We can't answer these questions, also you are weird for changing your myspace page.. you aren't one of those guys who tries to push things too fast are you ? I disagree with the previous poster and I think instead you need to relax your feelings, and take things slow. No talk.
glittergurl Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Ok, I just realized you said you've only been dating for ONE week ... in that case, I agree with Mitch about the no talk thing. At least not so soon.
Author xfess Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 Thanks, to be honest I havent been in a relationship since HS & College so the whole relationship game is so different for me in my early 20's. My friends have told me that I've been doing 2 things wrong. 1) I have been making myself paranoid about whether she's into me or not 2) I have been moving too fast and it may be pushing her away. so I have to just keep it slow, not get emotional and just be a good friend that she loves to hang out with and then when she's comfortable, she will want to move on to the next step.
Touche Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Your friends gave you excellent advice. Follow it. And if it makes you feel any better, I met my H only three days after I left my ex. We were together on and off for 9 years and married for 3. My H didn't seem too concerned. We got to be friends and ended up married 8 months after we met. We celebrated our 12 year anniversary this past June. So just relax.
oppath Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 If you see someone this often, and talk about your feelings so soon, it is almost doomed to failure. Don't see every other day. Chill. 5 times in 8 days is a LOT. Dating someone a week? A week? Don't take this as harsh, but after a week I do'nt know how you can say "I'm dating someone." You need time to think about how you truly feel -- both of you do -- and that requires some space and time apart. Try to only see her twice a week and just enjoy getting to know her.
Touche Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 If you see someone this often, and talk about your feelings so soon, it is almost doomed to failure. Don't see every other day. Chill. 5 times in 8 days is a LOT. Dating someone a week? A week? Don't take this as harsh, but after a week I do'nt know how you can say "I'm dating someone." You need time to think about how you truly feel -- both of you do -- and that requires some space and time apart. Try to only see her twice a week and just enjoy getting to know her. I usually agree with you, Opie but not this time. My H and I saw each other every single day from the moment we started dating. Same thing happened with my mother...twice. Once with my father and once with my step dad. My father died unfortunately, 5 years after they married but my mom and step dad (who died in 2001) were together for 28 years. They saw each other every single day from the moment they met as well. There's no formula for true love.
Author xfess Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 yea I jumped the gun too fast. I didnt know her whole story with her ex until 1 week after our 1st date and she appeared to give me these signals that she was REALLY into me. but now ive calmed down a little and learned to "go with the flow" I havent seen her in 9 days now - I was on vacation all of last week and when I got home Friday she was in the hamptons with her GF Friday, Saturday and Im assuming today as well. We texted and talked a little over the week. My friend reccomended not calling / texting her this weekend while she was away so she can enjoy herself with her friend and not have to worry about me - so if she's interested she will call me - but i would like to see her either tonight to hangout or tomorrow
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