alwayshurt Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Hi all, I posted a few days ago about my story. Didn't get many advises I will just reacap the last events and want to ask for your advices if what I would like to do will give me the possibility to leave the door open or destroy whatever chances I might have to get her back. The last time we went out I was a little cold to her because of previous events. She said many times she loved me and she was upset to me being distant. We did kiss that night but i told her I wanted to be friend until she had sorted out her situation (she is about to get a divorce). I repeated that in an email I sent her right after we met in the building we work (In that occasion she barely spoke to me). In the email I said there was no reason to be stranger to me now that there was the possibility to be good friends. She replied to my email saying she was sorry for her behaviour and that after the last night spent together with me she did not know what she was to me. She also said she asked her husband to leave the apt and that she was sad and did not want to see anybody for the moment but she knew it was the right decision. She closed the email by saying forgive me for everything. At the point I started NC. After 3 dayes she called me and she was telling me her plan of moving out from the apt she lives with her husband when i received a phone call and I said that I had to take it and will call her later. She said don't call me I am going out I will call you. She never did. I saw her 3 days ago and had the impression she was trying to avoid me. I stopped her and it appeared to me she was very nervous and excited at the same time and her face was all red. I asked her how she was doing, she said ok. I asked her if she was trying to hide from me she said no. I asked her to call me, she said ok but she never did. It has been 1 week NC except this time we met. I have no idea what she is thinking. She could have gone back to her husband, met somebody else, got tired of me or just be upset at me. No matter what the truth is, there has not been any closure and not knowing whre her mind stands I was thinking to be the first to break the NC and send her this message below. __________________________________________________ ______ Hi her name I have been having feelings that you don't want to talk to me anymore. It's sad and I don't understand why but if that's how you feel I will respect it. I just hope it is because something "good" happened to you and no because I said or did something wrong. However, I wish you all the best life can give and that you will be treated like a princess....you deserve it. I will miss you. my name P.S. you said that after last night we spent together you didn't know what you are to me anymore. Well, I never knew what I was to you but I can tell that you are everything...that is what you are to me! __________________________________________________ __________ I would like to know if it is too emotional, if I should just avoid it and wait if she contact me or it is ok to make the step since I was the one who started to be distant and ask her to be friend. Would you give me some advice. Thanks.
Author alwayshurt Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 Please....anybody can give me some advice. i really don't know what to do. My head is so confused that I cannot think clearly. I need help......please!
ncpd25 Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Hi Always, I read your post and to be quite honest with you, I've been in your shoes in the past. I went through a period where I was somehow attracted to women that were either getting divorced, just divorced or just getting out of a relationship. The end result was me always being a rebound and getting hurt. I actually went to a therapist and was advised that when I met somebody, to determine where they are with respect to a past relationship etc... (If they just broke up with somebody or not. I know how you must feel right now and I can say I know exactly how you feel. Due to your girl being in the process of getting divorced, I would imagine she has a lot on her plate right now and she's not a whole person at the present time. If you decide to send your email, be prepared that you may not get a response or if you do, it may not be the response you expected or wanted. These are all possibilities. I honestly believe you may be better off letting her go and allowing her to deal with her divorce and the emotions that she has to deal with. The reason I say this is it's never any fun to be a rebound. Of course I don't know her but I would think 9 times out of 10, anybody going through the trying times of a divorce, may need some time to readjust to life, may want to be alone for a while (if they're smart) or may decide to go out and just have some fun for a while. Somebody just getting divorced may not trust somebody in a relationship immediately after finishing up a divorce. I guess all circumstanes are different but, I would have to tell you to pursue somebody that doesn't have so much to deal with. It don't think they're good circumstances for a new relationship. She really sounds as if she may be genuinely confused right now. Remember, I've been there and each time, I was a rebound. I wish you the best and I'll keep an eye on your post!
Author alwayshurt Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 thank ncpd, I know what you're saying. I always was trying to keep her away for this reason but she always came back begging to see her, confusing me even more. I understand I have not to many options right now but I was wondering if it is fair to at least let her know how i feel about her. I don't expect she will jump on me. I believe I was a little mean to her the last time but perhaps it was the right move. I am still not sure if it is wise to let go at all or say " I love you" but I still have to go. Thanks again. I appreciated your advice.
ncpd25 Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 You can send the email if you feel it will allow you to voice yourself. I wouln't get too emotional with it. If you want, you could explain why you acted the way you did (You were smart to try and protect yourself) and if you must, you can wish her well with everything that is going on her life right now. She must be very fragile right now and I think to tell her you love her may confuse her or maybe she might even pursue you. I don't know her circumstances but she may feel like she needs acceptance due to maybe not getting that in her marriage. That's where you have to be careful. She may say all the things you want to hear: I Love you, You're the best thing that ever happened to me etc....She may say those things to feel as if she needs to "fix" herself. The difficult thing is, she may turn around at any given moment and walk away. Remember, you're not a doormat!! I'm not saying she's a bad person, she just has a lot going on right now.
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 You need to give her some breathing room! Whatever circumstances are during their divorce is going to be hard on her. She doesn't need to hear that you're feeling insecure right now...That is why giving her space to sort out her life for a little while is so important. She can't just get that divorce and boom, start off a brand new relationship, start her life over so quickly with you. Put yourself in her shoes for afew minutes... I'm sure she is trying to make her divorce as easy and painless as possible for her husband. I know this will be hard for you, but if you want your relationship to start off properly and honestly, back off abit. Let her know you love her, but you think it would be best for BOTH of you to take a step back until things settle down.
Author alwayshurt Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 Thank you ncpd and thank you whichway. You guys are both right. I am still not sure if I want to send her the message because I am still dwelling with the fact the she might be over me and in that case it would be best if I just keep the NC. I am so confused!!!!!!! However, something very weird happened tonight. I received a txt message from her best friend. I had txt her almost 3 weeks ago asking her how she was becuase I hadn't talked to her in a while. In the sms she said "sorry for the delay. I am ok school keeps me busy...how things are with you". Very normal message. I haven't answer yet but around 1:50 AM I received a phone call and it was her (the friend). The phone rang twice and then stopped. Why in the world this woman will call me at 2AM?
Recommended Posts