ladybug63 Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Saw MM again we talked. I told him we need to end this A he said "he says when it's over". I reminded him he already said that and we were just going to be friends. I was just agreeing with him. He said his issues are not mine and they have nothing to do with me. I told him we are just friends so what more can we do besides end it? He again asked "do I not come every time you call, do I not do for you whatever you ask?" I answered yes. So I told him I think it would be better for us this way. He assured me he wouldn't stand in the way of me seeing someone else. He said he's not in love with me THAT WAY to prevent me from seeing anyone else. So therefore I don't see that as an issue. I am going to try to get back into the dating field, but not too soon. I feel that I trust what he said enough to start dating again. Don't get me wrong this A was great for 4 years and still was good but he don't realize to end the A would be in our best intrest. Do anyone agree?
frannie Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Saw MM again we talked. I told him we need to end this A he said "he says when it's over". WoW... an affair with God... Tell him you've made a unilateral decision, and wait for the thunderbolts... if they don't come, then he's obviously mistaken about his 'powers'...
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I told him we need to end this A Why "we"? Why not "I" NEED to end this affair. Heal yourself, then slowly dating, when you feel ready. And, don't go telling your soon to be ex-MM about your private life. It's not his business.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Saw MM again we talked. I told him we need to end this A he said "he says when it's over".Yeah, as USUAL, it's all about him, isn't it? I reminded him he already said that and we were just going to be friends. I was just agreeing with him.Surely you have a mind of your own? Seems like the only one whose opinion matters is HIS. He said he's not in love with me THAT WAY to prevent me from seeing anyone else.So, calling a spade a spade, you were a 4 year booty call. How's that feel? I am going to try to get back into the dating field, but not too soon.I can only hope you find someone of a higher calibre than your MM (shouldn't be hard). Don't get me wrong this A was great for 4 years and still was good but he don't realize to end the A would be in our best intrest.Great? With THIS guy? He sounds like an unemotional user. Blech. Who wants to be told after 4 YEARS of being intimate with someone that they don't 'love you in that way" ? How utterly underwhelming. You know what? Who GIVES a rat's a*ss what this user wants. You've basically wasted 4 years of your life being this creep's play toy and it's gotten you NOWHERE. Dump his loser a*ss today.
Author ladybug63 Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 IcallemasIseeesem, I wouldn't say it was a booty call for four years because I was definitely getting things from him let me give some examples: He purchased me a car,my house notes were paid by him and money was never an issue as far as that goes, every time I ask for money I got it or it is placed in my account. If I need anything done around my house I just make a call to have repairs made and he paid for it. In the beginning yes that is pretty much how it was sex,but as the years progressed that changed. Right now for the past couple of months we HAVE NOT been intimate but he is still doing things for me. It became an A that was predicated on spending time together not just sex. But yes I will make every effort to end the A.
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 You let this guy buy you a car? To give you money? Honestly, I don't know that many people in non-affair relationships, not living together, who allow their boyfriend to give them money, buy them a car...Sorry, to me it sounds like hush money from him. Hense, it gives HIM the control. When you end it, everything he did for you money wise WILL be thrown in your face.
Curmudgeon Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 So essentially she was getting paid for putting out. There's a word/name for that!
Author ladybug63 Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 Whichwayisup, I didn't allow him to do anything that was his choice. I'm not sure if it was hush money or what, but that is the way it was. Hush money for what?
Author ladybug63 Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 Curmudgeon, Did you see where I said it was sex in the beginning, we are not being intimate now. And I still have it that way.
Author ladybug63 Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 There's a name/word for that! Yes it is SMART WOMAN.
mopar crazy Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 You let this guy buy you a car? To give you money? Honestly, I don't know that many people in non-affair relationships, not living together, who allow their boyfriend to give them money, buy them a car...Sorry, to me it sounds like hush money from him. Hence, it gives HIM the control. When you end it, everything he did for you money wise WILL be thrown in your face. Once again, I agree w/ WWIU. He will end it when HE is ready to end it, not you. He is controlling you into staying into this A b/c it is good for him, the sex. He is an *********!
Author ladybug63 Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 Once again, I agree w/ WWIU. He will end it when HE is ready to end it, not you. He is controlling you into staying into this A b/c it is good for him, the sex. He is an *********! Remember I said he already said it was over and we were just friends. I just agreed to what he said. Again we are not having sex and haven't had sex in months.
OWoman Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 IcallemasIseeesem, I wouldn't say it was a booty call for four years because I was definitely getting things from him let me give some examples: He purchased me a car,my house notes were paid by him and money was never an issue as far as that goes, every time I ask for money I got it or it is placed in my account. If I need anything done around my house I just make a call to have repairs made and he paid for it. In the beginning yes that is pretty much how it was sex,but as the years progressed that changed. Right now for the past couple of months we HAVE NOT been intimate but he is still doing things for me. It became an A that was predicated on spending time together not just sex. But yes I will make every effort to end the A. Wow I can see why you're reluctant to let this go - this guy's paying your way through life! I'm not sure I'd be happy to give anyone so much power over me, but if it works for you and you feel you can hold your head up as an equal with him, then go for it!
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Remember I said he already said it was over and we were just friends. I just agreed to what he said. Again we are not having sex and haven't had sex in months. But you having an emotional affair. Since you stopped having sex with him, has he bought you anything or given you money? FRIENDS don't even do that for eachother, unless it's an emergency situation, and even then, the money is paid back. Whichwayisup, I didn't allow him to do anything that was his choice. I'm not sure if it was hush money or what, but that is the way it was. Hush money for what? But you took it anyway, even if he did suggest it and it was his choice. I'm not judging you, even if it may sound like I am, I'm not - But, did you not feel bad taking his money? I mean, if his wife knew that he bought you a car, filled up your bank account with HIS aka THEIR family money, paid afew bills off for you, she'd be quite upset and pissed off.
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Hush money for what? So you will stay in his life, not say anything to bust him and you, and the affair. To keep you interested and wanting him. IT IS CONTROL and has many strings attached.
OWoman Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 filled up your bank account with HIS aka THEIR family money HIS money is THEIR money? Only if they're married in community of property. Otherwise it's HIS money, from which he'll contribute some to the communal pot (as will she).
Author ladybug63 Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 But you having an emotional affair. Since you stopped having sex with him, has he bought you anything or given you money? FRIENDS don't even do that for eachother, unless it's an emergency situation, and even then, the money is paid back. But you took it anyway, even if he did suggest it and it was his choice. I'm not judging you, even if it may sound like I am, I'm not - But, did you not feel bad taking his money? I mean, if his wife knew that he bought you a car, filled up your bank account with HIS aka THEIR family money, paid afew bills off for you, she'd be quite upset and pissed off. All of those things were done for me prior to being "friends". The car I had was too small, so he suggested I get something else. I didn't take it as judging, just your opinion and that's fine. No I did not feel anything for him giving me money. I am certain the w would be furious but he would have to deal with that(not being sarcastic).I assume he was able to do these things because he never mentioned to me any issues at home concerning finances.
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I doubt very much she knows that he is spending money on another woman.
Author ladybug63 Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 I doubt very much she knows that he is spending money on another woman. Maybe not.
Author ladybug63 Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 So you will stay in his life, not say anything to bust him and you, and the affair. To keep you interested and wanting him. IT IS CONTROL and has many strings attached. I will NOT expose his A. Like I told him if the w find out about the A,it would be because of him. He said to me "he is not in love with me that way to prevent me from seeing anyone else" therefore that says to me I can do whatever I choose to and he don't have any issues with it. Like I said when ow want to expose an A, it is because they want that m or something went wrong and neither of those are my case.
pricillia Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Wow I can see why you're reluctant to let this go - this guy's paying your way through life! I'm not sure I'd be happy to give anyone so much power over me, but if it works for you and you feel you can hold your head up as an equal with him, then go for it! ugh... this whole OW thing is getting to me... OW judging OW. she can hold her head up as equal. geesh
Curmudgeon Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 If you say so. But it seems singularly lacking in values.
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 OW judging OW What's amazing though is each OW can 'see' another OW's situation more clearly and open minded than their own situation. It's just too bad that it can't be applied to your own situation.
Author ladybug63 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 What's amazing though is each OW can 'see' another OW's situation more clearly and open minded than their own situation. It's just too bad that it can't be applied to your own situation. Let's not forget I am/was getting things. So what need to be appiled?
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