Author carrotgirl Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Ihad another panic attack this afternoon. That makes two panic attacks in my life inside of a week. Isaw MD already this morning and she thinks I'm fine. I think I need a few weeks away from this man to get myself together. I'm being almost completely irrational except it is rational to question his and my behavior after he rejected me. I've been squeezing the life out of Cat. I can't cry. I'm just dry heaving and gasping. Tepid Carrot
underpants Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Oh Carrot.... I wish I knew the Heimlich Maneuver to get you to spit him out. Is his job at your workplace permanent or temporary? He was all friendly after your birthday and then earlier today he is distant? Is this what has transpired?
Author carrotgirl Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 I was truly overly sensitive earlier. Not to mention later too. This morning was nothing. He came ruuning over a few minutes after my morning phreak fest to see if I was all right just because I'd coughed. The problem maker was definitely me. I don't know what made me panic a couple hours ago. I think I can't handle him being nice. I don't trust it. I just panicked. I left the office early gasping for air. It is scary to feel my body so out of control.
underpants Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Carrot that is tough. I didn't even have to share work time with my ex...however, there was strange 'friendly...let us not discuss anything' contact. A lot of 'thinking of you presents'. I had a few panic attacks and that is just not fun at all. What helped me was having some water on hand and the ability to walk outside and just catch my breath. Maybe some candy. It probably does stem from the unresolved issues to having to ...deal with his presence. Is is week 4 yet???
Author carrotgirl Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 2 more days untl week 4. Everything about this week is too fast.
Author carrotgirl Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 I'm glad I didn't get a kitten. I'm having a waking nightmare of me eating chocolate fudge in a room full of cats and empty tuna tins. One cat is enough. I need to sleep.
AriaIncognito Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I'm sorry you're having a tough time. One thing I want to say is, try to stop counting the hours/days if you can. It doesn't help much to dwell on exacts. I hit 4 months recently. I think monday? not even sure lol
Author carrotgirl Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 A nap and a salty-sweet snack are doing wonders for my head and stomach. What is my problem? So I've got a lousy situation where I see my ex all day. He's perfectly friendly and I turn into mindless mush? I'm expending a lot of energy to keep from having hope for anything with this man but let's face it, this could be so much worse. I have everything going for me (except for the temporary insanity). All I have to do is remind myself he's not part of my world. There's nothing there. Never will be. Carrot
underpants Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I thought you mentioned his was a temp position? Is he to leave after...(consulting?) or am I misreading? Regardless, that is tough and now I see you angst over why he took a position so close to you before/during the breakup. This disturbs me. Do you know anything about his past?
Author carrotgirl Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 A consulting job with my firm could easily last years or he could get an offer for a more formal arrangement. Or he could decide to leave... It's not outside the realm of normality for him to have been approached for work. It's a small professional-academic community. Without going into detail, yah, I know about his background. But it's kind of like buying a used car. You can't know everything. He's safe. He doesn't want me hurt. He just doesn't want me. There's a meaningful difference - right?
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