carolinaboy Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 I would really appreciate it if I could get multiple opinions on this. Sorry it's so wordy. The ex I dated for 2 1/2 years keeps calling me. We broke up mutually 2 mos. ago but she immediately started sleeping with our roommate and has been in a relationship with him since. She says he had nothing to do with our relationship ending and calls from random #'s to talk. I never know its her when I pick up. She always sounds chipper and the first thing she asks is if we are ever going to hang out again? I explain I dont know, i'm hurt etc. and we go through the same issues. She usually offers no insights. She called for the 5th time last night and told me mutual friends were in town and wanted to hang out. I talked for longer than I intended and tried to flirt, which she reciprocated like she used to. It was nice. Then I went home and had a nightmare about hanging out and her telling me all about her relationship. This stuff has messed with my sex life and meeting new people. What's her motives?
gman0hsev Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Yeah talking to her is not good...... I think that she is using you as a fallback in case the relationship with your guys roommate doesnt work out. I'm gonna have to say unless she has dropped the roommate drop all contact with her. If you hear her voice hang up, cause getting hung up is all thats gonna happen to you from keeping in contact. Move on and try to block her out. Eventually she will get the hint and either level up her stalking or give up.
Spinderella Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Having her cake and eating it, by the sounds of it. Perhaps next time she calls, just say directly, "are you still with [insert name]?", and if she says "yes", then say, "I dont think this is appropriate". You have already explained that friendship is not an option at the moment, so if she says its just friendly, then reiterate that until she gets the message.
Ariadne Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Hi, What's her motives? She probably thinks you are cool, cares for you, and doesn't want you out of her life. Don't make too much out of it, it's pretty simple. Ariadne
gman0hsev Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 well if she cares for him she would give him a little space and not flirt back with him.
Author carolinaboy Posted September 29, 2007 Author Posted September 29, 2007 I just have a problem with the roommate and her being an item and wonder how I could be her friend when I'll never truly be able to listen to her talk about her lovelife and him in that way. I feel like friends should be able to say whatever they want and in this situation, I don't think I could support her in that aspect.
Ariadne Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Hey, I wonder how I could be her friend when I'll never truly be able to listen to her talk about her lovelife and him in that way. Just tell her not to tell you details about that because you still love her. To be easy on you with that for now. And respect the fact that she is with someone else, as in, give her the space she needs. You need a lot of maturity to handle this situation but it's not impossible. Ariadne
Spinderella Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 if you are not yet over her, then you are not obligated to be her friend yet. ok, so if she was in trouble then thats different, but other than that, you dont need to do what youre not ready for. unless you think that having to face it, would help you? only you know. it doesnt sound to me like youre over her though.
Author carolinaboy Posted September 29, 2007 Author Posted September 29, 2007 i really want to be her friend. i just dont like the new guy/ex roomie (didnt like him before this happened) and i feel weird that i'm still having detachment issues and she seems to be totally cool. it's only been two months, ya know? i'm not over her and she asked for the breakup, i just agreed b/c i knew she wasnt into me anymore. Basically I got dumped but knew it wasnt gonna work out before I got dumped. I want to be a grownup about this, it just feels really soon and I'm hurt that she appears to be a brand new person.
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