FeiGnSmiLe Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I have been dating this guy for over a year, and I found out a couple months ago that he cheated on me. I am trying to cope and trust him again, but I’m not sure how to or if I can. Let me start from the beginning. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Mid-August my boyfriend and I invited my mom and little sister over to hangout with us and a few friends; we were just going to hangout, drink and play some games. We all had a good time and I went to bed around 4AM after sitting up and talking to mom for awhile. They decided to stay the night after drinking a little too much.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]The next day after dropping by mom and sister off, I decided to stop back by their house because my little sister needed some help with her math homework. During the middle of helping her, my mom came in and told me she needed to talk to me, so I finished up and met her downstairs in the basement.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]She started asking me weird questions about how much I trusted Nick and if he went out a lot, etc. I answered her questions and then she handed me her cell phone and told me to look through the text messages... She had around 30 text messages from my boyfriend from just the previous night, stating things like “You’re so beautiful, do you find me attractive?” and “Meet me in the bathroom so I can ravage you”. I had to force myself to read through the rest of them, the whole time I felt like I was about to purge my intestines.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I called Nick and told him we needed to talk, he knew right then that she had told me. Not even 30 seconds later he text my mom and said “Thanks”. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]When we got home, we started talking. He said he was sorry and embarrassed and completely ashamed of what he had done and said nothing would have happened because he knew it was wrong and would have stopped. So, I decided to ask him “Have you ever cheated on me?” ...Silence... Finally, he said, “What was the question?” and right then I knew he had, but stupidly, I asked again “Have you ever cheated on me?” His reply was “Once”. At that moment I felt like I could die, I felt so completely stupid. Stupid for thinking he wasn’t capable of doing such a thing and stupid for not noticing.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]He said he had met this older lady online and decided to meet up with her in Sioux City, IA. That night he had told me he was going over to one of our mutual friend’s house to fix their computer. Also, he was like, “If it’s any consolation to you, I used protection”. I wanted to kill him, I honestly did. I’m not sure which part made me more upset, the fact that he had slept with another woman or the fact that he cheated on me in Sioux City which is where he took me for my last birthday and that was the first night he told me he loved me... That place was kind of like a significant place in our relationship, where things really started to happen. I was crushed.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I left, I had to clear my mind and think about what I wanted to do. He told me that he loved me very much and that he would do anything for me to make me stay and promised it would never happen again. After a few hours alone I decided I wanted to work things out, and that he really did feel bad about what he had done.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Things went well for awhile, and then my birthday came. That day had already started bad and it was only going to get worse. I got to see him for maybe 15 minutes that day, and it really upset me. He knows how my luck is on my birthday and how much I hate that day. Anyway, he picked me up from class that night and the first thing he said to me is that he was going out, that he needed to just relax and hangout with friends. I asked him if he was mad at me for any reason and he said he wasn’t that he just needed some time alone.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]It was getting late, and I was home alone and feeling like ****... Especially being that it was my birthday and he hadn’t even had the decency to tell me happy birthday. So, I decided to call him to see what he was doing...[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I called like three times and he didn’t answer, and finally he called me back and asked why I kept calling. I told him I just wanted to see what he was up to and when he was going to be home. He said he was just driving around and didn’t know when he’d be home and hung up.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Not even a minute later my mom called me, he had been texting her non-stop trying to get her to meet up with him at a hotel. I was irate... I called him back and asked him again what he was doing and why he kept bothering my mom. He got pissed off at me and told me I was stupid and that he didn’t love me anymore and hung up again. I called him back and was very upset and asked him what I had done wrong, he told me to quit being a baby and that he wanted me to ‘get the **** out’, so I hung up on him and that was it. I called my mom and told her to come get me.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I was in the middle of packing up my things when he walked in the door. He told me to stop packing, that I wasn’t being myself and neither was he. I told him it was too late and after what he had said that I couldn’t be with him anymore and that it was pretty ****ed up how he was ending things with me... I had just lost my job and my car, and had a lot of things going on that was stressing me out. He kept laughing about the whole situation and then told me he cheated on me again, that night... On my birthday. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I left and went to my moms; I was up all night and was miserable. He kept calling and texting me the next day and told me again how sorry he was and asked if I would see him. After him calling numerous times I decided to give in.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]He picked me up and we drove off, he was crying and upset and told he was sorry and didn’t know what he was doing. That he was completely drunk. He told me he would go to counseling and to AA meetings. I told him I didn’t know if I could ever trust him again. He told me that he would build my trust up and if it ever happened again I could leave and he would never bother me again. Reluctantly, I said I would try, even though I felt stupid for doing so and I told him that. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]So, it’s been a little over 2 weeks and things are going ok. He has gone out twice though and drank... Once with his dad and again with his cousin. He didn’t stay out too late and came home and was still able to walk, so he wasn’t completely drunk. Still though, I don’t think much has changed. He has yet to seek counseling or go to any AA meetings and still gets kind of snippy about things. Also, he keeps thinking that when I get online or something that I’m talking to other guys and stuff... Which I’m not and also I have never cheated on him. So, he has no reason to not trust me. I’m really confused about the relationship and I don’t know if I can trust him again, every time he leaves the house or when I’m not with him I constantly wonder about what he is doing. It’s driving me insane and eating me inside and I just don’t know how to cope. If anyone has any input or suggestions on what I should do that would be great. Should I stay with him and try to work things out? If I do, what should I do to cope with things? Or should I just leave him? I really need some advice.[/sIZE][/FONT]
gman0hsev Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 ok to put it nicely this guy is a complete f%&^! He was hitting on your mom! wtf is wrong with him:mad:? There is a saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me! Don't let him in a third time! Hitting on your mom IMO is a reason to breakup so by my math he has wasted 4 shots! thats 2 more than anyone ever deserves IMO! He seems insensitive to say he doesnt love you and then take it back, cruel to skip out on ur bday and then try to get some from your mother and then cheat, and shows no potential for ever changing! To keep on letting him come back is kindof just accepting his behavior! move on and find someone who isnt an as%^**e!(and on a light note you messed up on the font changes, try to edit that so it is easier to read)
Geoffrey Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 ...and ask yourself the last three questions you asked at the very end. You and your mom are being PLAYED. Big time. If you stay in this game...your chances of success are ZERO. Get out of it - get well after living through it - get past it when you feel the time is right - and LEARN FROM IT!! If you have to wonder about what he's doing - even for a moment - something is WRONG!
norajane Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 This guy is the biggest loser ass and you need to get as far away from him as possible. 1. He cheated 2. He cheated again 3. HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER 4. HE'S TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER 5. He treats you like crap 6. He's totally f*cked up 7. HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER I cannot understand why you would even ask the question of what to do. Dump him and NEVER talk to him again. EVER.
underpants Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Norajane...you rock. Her list is what you should read over and over. This guy is ...mental. Run away! No relationship, No friendship. Thank your Mom for being honest with you and cut this guy out of your life. Just text him that you are dating his Dad now and you have no interest in seeing him any longer. 'That is right, mad crazy old man sex with your Dad. Get Lost'...(don't really do this...just text it for closure) He needs a jab. One time...then No Contact ...forever. In all seriousness, get away from him. If you stay around you will find yourself on Springer.
gdguy07 Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I dont think you ever regain trust after your partner cheats on you once let alone how many other times. Depending on circumstances i believe these type of people deserve to rott in hell. Ditch him big time you dont need advice on this.
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Do you suppose it's normal for men to be unable to stop themselves from texting your mother, even though he knows she will tell you? Instead of taking you out for your birthday, he cheats on you? The guy continuously lies/cheats and then calls you a baby? This isn't just alcohol talking. This guy is certifiable. For your own sanity, get away and stay away. Why would you put up with so much emotional abuse from anyone? Love isn't like that, at all.
daphne Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Feign, I just finished a book called "In Sheep's clothing." Your boyfriend is a seriously screwed up guy, and abusive. He is using you for comfort, and only cares about himself. The fact that he laughed at you on your birthday and rubbed your nose in his cheating, knowing that you had little power due to job loss and lack of car, is a total indicator that he wants to control you and let you know that you have no where to go. And when you get the spine to walk out on him, he changes his tune to contrition. He doesn't feel bad about what he does. He doesn't even care now about getting caught. This isn't someone who made a one time mistake. He is an abusive person. He will ruin your life if you stay with him. Also, he chose you because you are the type of person to ask what you did wrong to deserve his treatment. You did nothing wrong. But you are a very good candidate for a loser like this to attach to. Because you'll let him get away with his psycho **** and you'll blame yourself. Please get help before he messes up your head even worse.
Author FeiGnSmiLe Posted October 14, 2007 Author Posted October 14, 2007 Thanks everyone, All of your advice is great, I appreciate it very much. Maybe I'm stupid, I don't know, but I'm still currently with him... I haven't made up my mind on what to do at the moment. I'm kind of stuck it seems. I still have no car for now, and I'm working and going to school full time so I really have to make sure I have transportation and also I cant afford my own place at the moment because I'm trying to save up for a new car and I don't have anywhere else to go... So I dunno.
underpants Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Thanks everyone, All of your advice is great, I appreciate it very much. Maybe I'm stupid, I don't know, but I'm still currently with him... I haven't made up my mind on what to do at the moment. I'm kind of stuck it seems. I still have no car for now, and I'm working and going to school full time so I really have to make sure I have transportation and also I cant afford my own place at the moment because I'm trying to save up for a new car and I don't have anywhere else to go... So I dunno. Is that your boyfriend in your avie?
wizer Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Being forced to stay under the same roof as the guy due to financial reasons is different than "being with him". If you are still involved with him despite the fact that he has been hitting on your mother repeatedly, then you are responsible for the situation you are in. Maybe you and you mom could both be with him and then the stories will get better, maybe even qualify for a Jerry Springer episode.
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