Ended over something petty...and he hasnt called ...i shouldnt call right?

[MissJ72]

A little background I left last year a my daughter's father of seven years who was verbally and emotionally abusive....He never let me be myself and no one could fathom even me why I put up with such a disgust of a man. But I did because I really loved him....so I finally got him out of my system because it was over before it was over anyway. Then I met a man in March who I could talk to ...who I related to...we had a lot in common. and was handsome.I.could talk to for hours about anything had the same sarcastic humor I have. Or so I thought...even said things like he wanted to be married again and wasn’t thinking about having kids unless he was married again. I agreed that is what I wanted also. Then although are time was mostly pleasant he just didn’t put forth any effort....1. No time period....first two months we went out every other week. I would visit him at his job every week twice a week... he works security nights...but I was making it too easy for him...bad choice. Then when I told him not once but twice that I needed more time at least one of his off days to spend time with me he said ok...but never ever complied something would always come up. 2. He jumped on defensive all the time. Overly sensitive...now I know how I can be but he was too severe......got offended over everything...I toned down my sarcasm and teasing cuz I thought maybe I was too severe...3. Then he renigged and decided that he was thinking about getting a vasectomy...WHAT? ok so then I did a no-no said well im 35 maybe im not going to have other kids...but I really was lying to myself... Then he made a funeral/wedding joke about marriage...I didn’t find it funny...he did and said "what you think we getting married?!" what in the hell?! of course I didn’t then but Damn he just renigged again...and to add on top of this...I told him in a relationship I really would like to hear from my potential mate everyday a quick hello something....he did it most of the time a couple times he didnt..Wasnt upset too much..But it seemed like I was calling most of the time so I stopped to see what he would do...one day he didn’t call. When I asked him what happened...He replied “well I didn’t hear from you either" that was an evil ass comment I thought. But as usual not to rock the boat I swept it under the rug. But one time I forgot to call him back and we had miscommunication...and he threw a fit... I started realizing that for one even though I was not being verbally abused that this was unhealthy also. And he was not for me...but I still decided to keep him around to talk to. Did I mention it took him 5 months to have sex with me when I told him I was ready sooner? Moved back with his sister so he didn’t have a place of his own. but I thought he should have paid for a room something...what the hell? he made sure i had a great birthday so It was his so i took him to dinner and i got the room...if we didnt i would have never been intimate with him...ok..before you call me retarded....ALL THE SIGNS were there..he was clearly lying about wanting a relationship with me..i was his so called "woman " but i still ignored it. Why? and then the last tiff we had and i guess the end was he called me as usual when he got to work....varies sometimes when he wakes up ..he works third or sometimes when he goes to work...etc...and we were talking....I was teasing him..he was teasing me about something...and then he asked me if i wanted to live somewhere else then where i lived where would it be...." i said Atlanta...he said I've been to Atlanta...and then i jokingly said "Ok man i dont want to hear anything about some guy sexcapades..keep that to yourself":) and he said "oh no it's nothing bad" and then i asked then why are you laughing.?.. and he laughed again....I laughed then I changed the subject asked about his fantasy football trade or something...then he got quiet and said rudely" you know what ill call you back bye bye...!" what ? i said he repeated it again and hung up on me. He was at work at the time…but was clearly irritated with me..called him back told him what i thought about him how he was immature for doing that and what the hell is wrong with you ..i also told him that he gets much too offended for me and over petty crap...im too old for this...way too old...told him I was not kissing his ass....said if he wanted to talk cool if not cool too....I care for him but i have to be me. Never heard from him since for a week of ]

[]I KNOW I did the right thing. But why am I so upset. I know I was falling for him but why can’t I stop feeling bad about it. when he had so many things wrong with him?...I’m so depressed over this cause I miss him but it's obvious he doesn’t miss me or cared about me or he would have called and im hurt even though I know it's better that way...can you give me some encouragement...I think imp burning up my best friends ears...Please don’t think im insane...I just liked him a lot....because for the most part we got along…..what do you guys think? I feel I did the right thing..and although there are things I could have done differently if man wants to be with you he is never too busy for you…working I understand but never having time..never meeting his friends or him showing interest in meeting mine is a huge sign….Why was I so blind in believing him when he said he wanted a relationship with me

He also told me he did this to several girls in the past and that silence was golden...and that they called him cuz they were wrong..dont know how true that is...I just feel that this whole thing was stupid...yet he expects me to call him and apologize...for what?[

[Lishy]

I have 2 things to say

 

1. He is not worth it .. You are both on different pages and this man is abusive, Get out and find someone who will treat you right and be honest with you

 

2. Use paragraphs ... reading that has tired me out!

[MissJ72]

I apologize about the no paragraphs..when i posted it I discovered it then....and tried to correct it...wouldnt let me so....im doing it now....

 

A little background I left last year a my daughter's father of seven years who was verbally and emotionally abusive....He never let me be myself and no one could fathom even me why I put up with such a disgust of a man. But I did because I really loved him....so I finally got him out of my system because it was over before it was over anyway. Then I met a man in March who I could talk to ...who I related to...we had a lot in common. and was handsome.I.could talk to for hours about anything had the same sarcastic humor I have. Or so I thought...even said things like he wanted to be married again and wasn’t thinking about having kids unless he was married again. I agreed that is what I wanted also. Then although are time was mostly pleasant he just didn’t put forth any effort....1. No time period....first two months we went out every other week. I would visit him at his job every week twice a week... he works security nights...but I was making it too easy for him...bad choice.

 

When I told him not once but twice that I needed more time at least one of his off days to spend time with me he said ok...but never ever complied something would always come up. 2. He jumped on defensive all the time. Overly sensitive...now I know how I can be but he was too severe......got offended over everything...I toned down my sarcasm and teasing cuz I thought maybe I was too severe...3. Then he renigged and decided that he was thinking about getting a vasectomy...WHAT? ok so then I did a no-no said well im 35 maybe im not going to have other kids...but I really was lying to myself... Then he made a funeral/wedding joke about marriage...I didn’t find it funny...he did and said "what you think we getting married?!" what in the hell?! of course I didn’t then but Damn he just renigged again...and to add on top of this...I told him in a relationship I really would like to hear from my potential mate everyday a quick hello something....he did it most of the time a couple times he didnt..Wasnt upset too much..But it seemed like I was calling most of the time so I stopped to see what he would do...one day he didn’t call. When I asked him what happened...He replied “well I didn’t hear from you either" that was an evil ass comment I thought. But as usual not to rock the boat I swept it under the rug.[/FONT]

 

But one time I forgot to call him back and we had miscommunication...and he threw a fit... I started realizing that for one even though I was not being verbally abused that this was unhealthy also. And he was not for me...but I still decided to keep him around to talk to. Did I mention it took him 5 months to have sex with me when I told him I was ready sooner? Moved back with his sister so he didn’t have a place of his own. but I thought he should have paid for a room something...what the hell? he made sure i had a great birthday so It was his so i took him to dinner and i got the room...if we didnt i would have never been intimate with him...ok..before you call me retarded....ALL THE SIGNS were there..he was clearly lying about wanting a relationship with me..i was his so called "woman " but i still ignored it. Why? [/FONT]

 

The last tiff we had and i guess the end was he called me as usual when he got to work....varies sometimes when he wakes up ..he works third or sometimes when he goes to work...etc...and we were talking....I was teasing him..he was teasing me about something...and then he asked me if i wanted to live somewhere else then where i lived where would it be...." i said Atlanta...he said I've been to Atlanta...and then i jokingly said "Ok man i dont want to hear anything about some guy sexcapades..keep that to yourself":) and he said "oh no it's nothing bad" and then i asked then why are you laughing.?.. and he laughed again....I laughed then I changed the subject asked about his fantasy football trade or something...then he got quiet and said rudely" you know what ill call you back bye bye...!" what ? i said he repeated it again and hung up on me. He was at work at the time…but was clearly irritated with me..called him back told him what i thought about him how he was immature for doing that and what the hell is wrong with you ..i also told him that he gets much too offended for me and over petty crap...im too old for this...way too old...told him I was not kissing his ass....said if he wanted to talk cool if not cool too....I care for him but i have to be me. Never heard from him since for a week

 

I KNOW I did the right thing. But why am I so upset. I know I was falling for him but why can’t I stop feeling bad about it. when he had so many things wrong with him?...I’m so depressed over this cause I miss him but it's obvious he doesn’t miss me or cared about me or he would have called and im hurt even though I know it's better that way...can you give me some encouragement...I think imp burning up my best friends ears...Please don’t think im insane...I just liked him a lot....because for the most part we got along…..what do you guys think? I feel I did the right thing..and although there are things I could have done differently if man wants to be with you he is never too busy for you…working I understand but never having time..never meeting his friends or him showing interest in meeting mine is a huge sign….Why was I so blind in believing him when he said he wanted a relationship with me

[MissJ72]

Thanks Lishy!

Sorry about the no paragraphs there is one corrected one on this page.

And I am already out of the relationship.... I am NOT calling him at all....!

[Lishy]

Honey we are here if you need an ear to bash or advice on any aspect.

 

I too came from a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship and I know how hard it is. It is hard to see the first signs of abuse as they creep up on you.

 

I can tell you that this new guy is not good for you honey - You have made the right decision in getting out

 

Let us know how it goes ok?

 

xx

[MissJ72]

Curious though...why do you say He was abusive?...that never occurred to me...he NEVER said anything bad about me ever...in fact he complimented me all the time...He was an selfish *******...but I never thought abuse.....do you think because he renigged on things he said or how he hung up on me...possibly..? Im not saying he isnt....and at this point I'm not letting it go any further anyway..just trying to get over the heartbreak... and move on..Just wanted to know why you thought so...so maybe I will know next time....forgive my ignorance or being naive...just need to know...

[MissJ72]

Never mind Lishy!!! I got it....went to Oprah.com and did a verbal abuse checklist...oh my god!!! That was going to happen again....! I cant believe it!!! I got the same idiot again!!!!