Does sex mean much to women these days?

[stillafool]

Being a guy, I do like to let someone know if I am interested. Did I lose value by doing that? Should I have never contacted her? Not just her, but I mean in the future if it happens again, lol.

 

IMO you did not lose value by trying to contact her. She just was not interested. I think in the future if you find another lady you are interested in you should definitely contact her. Just because it didn't work out with this lady doesn't mean it's over for you. lol.

 

 

And it seems the women in this thread are bragging about their new sexuality. So, I also suggested men should sample all they can. Seems fair to me..

 

I'm sorry you feel we are bragging. I didn't get that from these posts. I feel most of the women (including me) were just trying to open your eyes to women's sexuality.

[Timberlane]

Come on northernman, don't pull the "If they do it then we can" bit. It's what we choose to do ourselves that matters.

 

I appreciate uniqueone's distaste for the sort of detachment necessary to behave like this. She is obviously a quality person that has real feelings and cares about others.

[Kamille]

You must be a big Ayn Rand fan.

 

 

my dad was a huge Ayn Rand fan when I was growing up and it must have rubbed off on me - even though I am quite critical of liberalism and the kind of ultimate individual rationality she advocates. I mean, her philosophy would work only if we all had equal access to the same life chances... But I think what is fueling my 'rationality' talk right now is that I am reading Weber.

 

In reading Weber I guess I can see competing 'rationalities' in the OP and his conquest's actions... He is critical of her behavior as unwomanly somehow while she is the one approaching their encounter as a means to an end.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I did let her know I would like to see her again. I do not know, but I am thinking that is normal, to say one time. I did not call or bother her incessantly.

 

Being a guy, I do like to let someone know if I am interested. Did I lose value by doing that? Should I have never contacted her? Not just her, but I mean in the future if it happens again, lol.

 

No foul on the “letting her know you’d like to see her again” part. If it were a hit and run, and you made no attempt to reconnect at all, it’s likely she would have felt insulted and used. You may have come off looking like some jerk, even though she was just as responsible for the trainwreck as you. Who knows, maybe she’s having some morning-after regrets and is feeling embarrassed ... or maybe she’s just a flake. Either way, you made one attempt to reconnect and now the ball is in her court. BE COOL.

 

And it seems the women in this thread are bragging about their new sexuality.

 

Not me. I don’t do one-night stands. I require a full medical evaluation, a criminal background check, and a letter of recommendation from every ex-girlfriend you pissed off in the past.

 

Look, I can’t speak in generalizations for every single female that’s out there. Only for myself and a good majority my gal pals. And when it comes to “girl talk”, it’s a frequent topic of conversation. And I can tell you that most often, when a guy is too overly eager to jump your bones on the first date, it’s a “creep out.” BUT ... if by the fourth or fifth date (provided you’ve lasted that long), if a guy hasn’t made an honest heterosexual attempt to show he’s the least bit interested in more ... then you start to wig out. Is is gay? Does he have a girlfriend somewhere? Does my breath stink? Is my ayas too fat???? :o

 

Let me tell ya, if you play the tease just right (not too much, not too little) it’ll drive her crazy and she’ll be jumping YOUR bones. That’s establishing “value” ... and it’s the same game ‘smart’ women have been playing on you and other men for years.

 

“Holding back” is something most females are taught how to do inadvertently through their parent/s. Daughters are more frequently over-protected then guys. And most of us remember the lectures and the drills... what to do and what not to do. But how many guys are taught by their father’s how to attract and land a quality female? From the conversations I’ve had with my male buddies and ex’s, it seems most of you guys are pretty much left to figure it all out on your own.

 

Does that sound fairly accurate in your case, too?

 

So, I also suggested men should sample all they can. Seems fair to me..

 

Absolutely fair!

 

Just make sure when that stranger on the internet tells you she’s twenty-one, that she isn’t actually fifteen. You could get arrested and be sharing a jail cell with a knee pillow named Bubba. Make sure you don’t knock her up ... catch any “nasties” as a permanent reminder of your encounter ... allow your “sampling” of the local putang to morph into a full-blown sexual addiction ... and most of all KEEP IT DISCRETE. If you are lucky enough to land yourself a keeper, you wouldn’t want her to discover that her Prince Charming banged over 400 women he lured over the internet.

 

That’s not a “high value” male, unless your lady is a 600 pound toothless redneck.

[serial muse]

And it seems the women in this thread are bragging about their new sexuality. So, I also suggested men should sample all they can. Seems fair to me..

 

Oh, come on, northern. The women in this thread were responding specifically to the double-standard idea that women who might be interested in just having sex rather than a relationship are somehow screwed up in the head. Whereas men who do that are okay because they're biologically driven and therefore can't help themselves.

 

I mean, that's just silly.

 

Anyway, I think the primary point many people are trying to make here is: No.

 

That does not mean that every woman wants just sex, and that therefore it's "fair" to try to get one over on women as a group by sampling them. Ick.

 

All it means is that if you happen to meet A woman who just wants sex and actually TELLS YOU SO, then you know what you're getting into and insulting her after the fact for not wanting anything else from you just makes you look bitter.

 

That's why

 

Oh well, I was glad to have met her, and can say I harbor no bad feelings.

 

doesn't quite ring true. But I do hope you'll learn to treat people as individuals someday. One can dream.

[halfarock]

Here is another one of those threads that should be illuminating to men. Northernman has a late night rendezvous with a woman and is bothered that she doesn’t want to continue. The women aren’t sympathetic, telling him;

I think I would just move on if I were you.

If I were you I'd move on.

If you were somewhat in charge and had some personality you might still have a chance.

You feel for her more than she feels for you. I think that's just it and you can't handle it. Move on.

Move on.

 

But northernman isn’t going to take it lightly;

I cant believe that I am suddenly unappealing for having sex with a hot woman that comes over at midnight for sex. Or I did something extremely wrong, and she wanted a LTR, but I was too much of a man and too eager, which repulsed her.

 

He is, however, missing what is really going on. It is not that he had sex with her, it is how he reacted. The woman in question seemed to know with, “I know you probably going to reply with some cynic remarks but hey, everybody's entitle to their opinion” and “…don't pick it apart, and just leave it be.”

 

Northernman, I really don’t know what the big deal is. You are questioning and picking apart this encounter that you had with this woman in a way that makes you look socially inept when it comes to women. It is especially unappealing, to women, the way you insist that there is something wrong with the woman.

 

The manly thing to do would have been to just cherish it as one of those unexpected pleasantries that make life interesting and enjoyable. A simple smile would have been more appropriate than to post it on the internet.

[JustCurious]

Like the other poster mentioned, if she immediately began pursuing you right after that night, you’d probably view her and the situation entirely different. I mean lets be realistic, is the fact that your so bothered by this because you are in LOVE with her? I doubt it.

 

It seems you are having a difficult time accepting the fact that this girl was just looking for a ONS and I don’t mean to sound harsh but I feel this has more to do with your ego than anything else. Rather then accuse this girl (of whom you don’t even know) of being a “head case”, why can’t you just enjoy the night for what it was/is? Two consenting adults who were attracted to one another and acted upon it.

 

As I see it you have one of two options. Be straight with her and tell her you like her and would like to date her then see how she responds. Or, let it go plain and simple.

[lino]

Wow I can't believe this thread is so full of replies! No offense OP but it should be quite obvious that a girl you've known for a few hours over the internet that then wishes to come over late at night and then also have a screw on that SAME night is there for exactly that... a screw!

[nicki]

Could it be that you REALLY do want an actual relationship with a woman, not just a one night stand?

 

Maybe that's why you are upset. In that case, then don't substitute physical intimacy for emotional intimacy. Don't have one night stands. Then you will weed out the women who are also in it for just the sex, whatever their reasons.

 

Or, maybe you are upset over the loss of control. Men usually have the control over the woman right after the first sex act. Typically, most women want to continue and progress into a relationship. Sex often means that a woman has chosen the man to be special, and relationship worthy.

 

Meanwhile, there is a gray area that the guy can enjoy. He can continue on, or not. There can be a feeling of power.

 

This scenario is not always true, of course. It's a traditional societal view.

 

These days, women can have sex as often, or indiscriminately as men. They are financially independent, with their own sexual needs, and able to find many willing sexual partners.

 

We women are a horny bunch! But, I'm with the posters who say that a guy who pushes for sex on the first date is a write-off. I like a guy who is interested and makes it known, but who will hold off for a few dates until we know each other better. That makes a guy seem smarter, more selective, and in turn, makes me feel special, and known for who I am before I take my clothes off.

 

Honestly, I have met lots of guys I would LOVE to sleep with on the first date. I've got a great sex drive, but I still wait until some other requirements are met besides physical compatability. And I sure don't meet guys online, then go to their apartment and screw them.

 

Really, what did you expect? A quality woman doesn't do that kind of thing.

 

Listen to the guys who say to smile and enjoy it for what it was: a one night stand. And if you want more than that, then don't act like that's what you want.

 

Now, I've never met a man who turned down a woman who throws herself at him, first date or not, but maybe you need to meet women who don't do that.

 

Anyway, sorry for the ramble! It's not you, it's her. She would have found any guy that night and done what she did.

[Trialbyfire]

Or, maybe you are upset over the loss of control. Men usually have the control over the woman right after the first sex act. Typically, most women want to continue and progress into a relationship. Sex often means that a woman has chosen the man to be special, and relationship worthy.

 

Meanwhile, there is a gray area that the guy can enjoy. He can continue on, or not. There can be a feeling of power.

 

Add in his desire to tango, one more time, and I think you might have it in a nutshell.

[Timberlane]

 

Really, what did you expect? A quality woman doesn't do that kind of thing.

 

 

Still, I think that statement is a little bit of moralizing. Don't people suddenly end up in bed on the first night and then run with it, dating, having fun, the works? It's happened to me more than once, and is currently happening actually. But I suppose the real problem is that when you sleep with someone so quickly, you are very apt to gloss over annoyances, flaws, and other problems that crop up later. So in general, most will choose to flee. Still lame, but whatever.