marlena Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I cant believe that I am suddenly unappealing for having sex with a hot woman that comes over at midnight for sex. Or I did something extremely wrong, and she wanted a LTR, but I was too much of a man and too eager, which repulsed her. You are not unappealing. Rather the opposite I'd say. She would not have had sex with you if she had not been physically attracted to you. Stop badgering yourself. This woman got what she came for and left. Nothing complicated about it. It was, well, just for the sex. Men do it all the time. My guess is she was just out for a little fun on the side. Like TBF said, if this isn't what you are looking of, lay off the one night stands. Get to know the person you are seeing before jumping into the hay. Please, do not read anything more into this. You are needlessly worrying your pretty little head over it.
maynard Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I find your assumptions to make the most sex.. I cant believe that I am suddenly unappealing for having sex with a hot woman that comes over at midnight for sex. Or I did something extremely wrong, and she wanted a LTR, but I was too much of a man and too eager, which repulsed her. It is clear she came over "for sex". I don't think if I did not touch her, I would have won her heart somehow. I had sex quickly with women, and dated them long term. For me, timing is important. If sex happens it doesn't make me think immediately they are some bad person. It takes 2. I think she just lied to me about what she really wanted, and most likely withheld the fact that maybe she is in a relationship. If she doesn't do that often, and I somehow "repulsed" her by having sex, she has a lot of sexual hang ups, and is odd to be turned off by a man that has sex with her.. last time I checked, I am a man, not a tease..no prob
GracelessWomenCom Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Ok, I was on an online dating site. I posted threads in a forum. A girl nearby emailed me, loving what I wrote. We chatted via IM, and seemed to want the same things. I am 32, she is 28. She told me she always wanted to email me, but was too shy. We were both alone, and I suggested since it is late, and we would like to meet, she can come over and watch a movie. She wanted to, and she did. I saw her, and thought she was gorgeous. Within a half hour, we are kissing, hugging, touching, and move to the bedroom. We had lots of great sex. She informed me that she had to take her sister to the airport in the am, so she had to leave and do that, and couldn't spend the night. I walked her out to her car, kissed her goodbye. I texted her on the way home saying I was glad to meet her, had a great time. Now here was her reply.. "Thanks for a memorable time.. I wont ever forget it" IMHO, thats sounds as if she is saying she wont see me again, but will remember what we did? So, I texted her today, saying hello, how are you, would like to see you again, and received no reply. I am thinking she has a boyfriend, wasn't into me, or feels like we never could have a relationship after a start like that? I have no idea. She seemed VERY into me, but now ignored me. Obviously, I wont keep trying to contact her, I just wanted to let her know I was interested. Has this happened to any other men? Women, have you done this to a man? What does her text reply sound like it means to you? There are two possible scenarios to this one. She probably didn't like the sex as much as you thought she did. Second. she is currently on "a break" from her boyfriend and wanted to screw someone else to try to forget him. Eitherway, it seems u made a big mistake by already starting to get attached to her. A lot of women come online to do one thing only, have sex. all that BS they put on their profiles dont mean much. A girl meets you and she finds u very attractive, chances are enormous she'll give in on that first date and turn herself into a naughty girl.
gsusisking Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I'm sorry that happened to you. Yes, sex does still mean something to women, as it does to some men, but just like a guy who will leave when 'it's' over, girls do that too. We can play those games too, most of the time even better than the boys play them. Next time, go slow, if your really interested, all that fun stuff will be worth waiting for;) Good luck to you in your future relationships.
OpenBook Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I cant believe that I am suddenly unappealing for having sex with a hot woman that comes over at midnight for sex. Or I did something extremely wrong, and she wanted a LTR, but I was too much of a man and too eager, which repulsed her. It is clear she came over "for sex". I don't think if I did not touch her, I would have won her heart somehow... I think she just lied to me about what she really wanted, and most likely withheld the fact that maybe she is in a relationship. Bingo. Her odd behavior has nothing to do with you. She simply exorcised her demons out on you, so to speak. She is trying to get over someone else, or trying to make them jealous so that they will commit to her. I know, because this happened to me (but with a man!). It turns out he had recently broken up with his longtime GF because she was unwilling to commit. A few months after our "encounter" (after which he emailed me, almost word for word, the same message you got), I found out that he had married her. So apparently his little ploy worked. You're welcome, sh*thead. Bottom Line: It had nothing to do with you or what you did. She already had her plans in place when you guys started talking on the Internet. There's nothing you could have done to change it.
stillafool Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I didnt think she drive over at midnight on a friday night, come to my home, to watch tv. We both talked about missing intimacy in our lives, hugging, kissing etc. This is the point. It's a booty call. She probably just wanted something new at the time or may have been getting revenge on a cheating BF. You'd be surprised at how many women do that and never say a word to anyone about it. I think you should feel flattered she chose you and enjoyed your time together. Anyway, isn't that what a man wants? A beautiful woman to come over in the middle of the night, make passionate love and leave without expecting anything? Ok, so at this point is it over in your opinions? Anything else I can say to her? I think I would just move on if I were you.
Author northernman Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 I emailed her asking why she disappeared, and she wrote... Dear Bonbons, I found out that a long time ago, it's a lot more beautiful if you end something that is perfect. No fights, no drama, and plenty of the "What if..." mysteries. It's also very inspirational for me to create or write poems about it. That's one of the reasons why I left like that... Another reason is that I never get to stay single for long. Every time I start dating somebody, they tend to bind me into a relationship and then I end up being with them for 1, 3, and even 5yrs with them. So, what I'm trying to say is I need a break and be free for awhile. Maybe someday near or far future, I will be ready to settle down but right now, I'm just taking what life throws at me and having fun with it. I know you probably going to reply with some cynic remarks but hey, everybody's entitle to their opinion. I do want you to know that I had fun and I enjoyed our short conversation and bantering; it's really nice to have a guy with lots of intelligence. And I thoroughly enjoy the night I spent with you, short and sweet:) So, there's my explanation, please don't pick it apart, and just leave it be. That's all I ask... Good luck with your fishing,
Author northernman Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 Ok dumb question, possible.. Would you email her back? It seems she is expecting it.. Or ignore?
spookie Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I emailed her asking why she disappeared, and she wrote... Dear Bonbons, I found out that a long time ago, it's a lot more beautiful if you end something that is perfect. No fights, no drama, and plenty of the "What if..." mysteries. It's also very inspirational for me to create or write poems about it. That's one of the reasons why I left like that... Another reason is that I never get to stay single for long. Every time I start dating somebody, they tend to bind me into a relationship and then I end up being with them for 1, 3, and even 5yrs with them. So, what I'm trying to say is I need a break and be free for awhile. Maybe someday near or far future, I will be ready to settle down but right now, I'm just taking what life throws at me and having fun with it. I know you probably going to reply with some cynic remarks but hey, everybody's entitle to their opinion. I do want you to know that I had fun and I enjoyed our short conversation and bantering; it's really nice to have a guy with lots of intelligence. And I thoroughly enjoy the night I spent with you, short and sweet:) So, there's my explanation, please don't pick it apart, and just leave it be. That's all I ask... Good luck with your fishing, That's pretty hilarious. I definitely went through times in my life when I enjoyed doing this to guys as well. Usually guys I felt "deserved" it for having insulted my intelligence by attempting to bed me purely as a sex object (and I think coming on to a girl you just met would qualify). My thinking was, if they want to play this game, I'll play... but I'll play better. I'll win. I know that's not a healthy way to treat people, and it's a very self-destructive way to live, but the periods when I did this were just after I'd been severely hurt by someone I'd grudgingly allowed myself to love and trust. Life's a bitch. If I were you I'd move on.
crazy_grl Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 he is unattractive because he gave in to sex and this is some general rule? i guess 99.999% of men are unattractive. It's closer to 99%. If she doesn't do that often, and I somehow "repulsed" her by having sex, she has a lot of sexual hang ups, and is odd to be turned off by a man that has sex with her.. last time I checked, I am a man, not a tease.. Hey, if men can have a double standard, why can't women? When guys judge a girl for sleeping with them too soon, people generally think it's normal, but if a girl does it, she's messed up in the head?
Trialbyfire Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Ok dumb question, possible.. Would you email her back? It seems she is expecting it.. Or ignore? I would say she isn't looking for a response. The "Good luck with your fishing" is once again, pretty final. She's telling you to move on and find someone else. In doing so, she provides you with finality. Listen to her.
Author northernman Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Yes, that is messed up in the head, lol. She emailed me, flirted with me sexually online, wanted to come over at midnight, was all over me, and I am "insulting her intelligence" by "coming on to her", so she is "winning a game". Are all women that crazy? or just a few? And.... Men do it for the enjoyment.. Not because they were hurt, playing a game, being evil. That's pretty hilarious. I definitely went through times in my life when I enjoyed doing this to guys as well. Usually guys I felt "deserved" it for having insulted my intelligence by attempting to bed me purely as a sex object (and I think coming on to a girl you just met would qualify). My thinking was, if they want to play this game, I'll play... but I'll play better. I'll win. I know that's not a healthy way to treat people, and it's a very self-destructive way to live, but the periods when I did this were just after I'd been severely hurt by someone I'd grudgingly allowed myself to love and trust. Life's a bitch. If I were you I'd move on.
OpenBook Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I think you should email her back and say this: "I sure had fun too. Although, you might want to see your doctor. I kinda, y'know, got this RASH the day after. Bumps all over. It's probably nothing." :D
CaliGuy Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Nope, sex means nothing to MAN or WOMAN when it's the first thing that happens in the relationship. You took no time to get to know her, she took no time to get to know you. You both wanted something and got it. The diffference is you cared and she did not. Congrats, you got played. Now you know how women feel.
Author northernman Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Someone posted "men always do this, why cant women" Men have a biological urge to have sex with random women. This is genetic. Women do not have this urge to sleep with strangers. Thats why prostitution is thriving and the worlds oldest profession. Men suppress this urge everyday in our current society. I just wanted to see her again for more sex. Not sure why she is talking about a long term relationship..? I don't even know her.. So yes, women who TRY to have sex like men are messed up.
Lyssa Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I just wanted to see her again for more sex. Not sure why she is talking about a long term relationship..? I don't even know her.. So you just wanna treat her like a toy? Play with her when you wanna and dump her in the basket when you're done? You may want her just for sex but that email shows she doesn't wanna have anything to do with you - ever again.
Author northernman Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 No, I didn't want to treat her like a toy or dump her. Or use her "just " for sex as you added. However, I don't know her, so cant say I wanted to marry her tomorrow. I very well could have wanted a relationship with her, if we had the same goals, etc. I have a need for sex, and would prefer having it with one partner, rather than several new ones. Its funny. It seems the women are thrilled on this site if a woman has sex with a guy, he has interest, and she disappears..Like I am still the bad guy in this? So I guess the bottom line is this.. If you have sex early with a girl, view her solely as a sex object, and don't have any interest. That way, if she is loony, you won't waste any time thinking of her. My mistake was taking sex too seriously.. Thanks ladies, i'll keep that in mind. The funny thing was, she just couldn't just have sex... She had to ask what I am thinking repeatedly fishing for compliments, tell me how much she enjoys it, was glad to meet me, how great it was, how great looking I am how she loves my mind, how she "loves" how I feel etc. She fell just short of telling me she loves me. Since I don't do that often, I was thinking it meant she wanted to see each other again.. I guess I am the bad guy..
Timberlane Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I have had some wonderful, long term girlfriends that stemmed from first night sex! When you know you are happy with your choice, you can simply drop the charade. All of you people talking about how women get "creeped out "by men who have sex with them the first night when they are offering it up are giving lip service to the hypocrisy that it is. What a childish game of projection that is. Waaaaaahhhh! You had sex with me and I said yes! I hate you. Maybe those kinds of people should leave sex to the adults that can handle it. "My mistake was taking sex too seriously.. Thanks ladies, i'll keep that in mind." Sadly, that seems to be the case these days. I was kind of jolted to find that out back in college. I'd meet someone, end up getting romantically entangled, and get the same treatment you are here. Hey, when the pickings are easy, there is no reason to value any one guy, right? That attitude was pretty new to me, seeing that I had girlfriends in high school for years at a time. That disposable sex idea. Pfffft. If it's good sex, it IS meaningful. It means you are in tune with someone, you connect. That OBVIOUSLY goes beyond the physical. You are using your brain during sex after all. I would and do want to explore those unknown reasons that you happen to click with someone. But casual idiots just brush that aside. Feh. Why worry about temporary magic when you can just throw quantity at it? It'll happen again. Ha.
Lyssa Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Nope, sex means nothing to MAN or WOMAN when it's the first thing that happens in the relationship. You took no time to get to know her, she took no time to get to know you. You both wanted something and got it. The diffference is you cared and she did not. Congrats, you got played. Now you know how women feel. This is from a guy - a majority of women here would agree with him. That's all I am saying. Does not make us childish or not mature enough to have sex like someone mentioned. You feel for her more than she feels for you. I think that's just it and you can't handle it. Move on.
Timberlane Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Oh but it is childish to use people like this. Children often do things thinking nothing of the consequences to others, or to themselves. Ever think about how if affects you to be the user? I doubt people who do that ever do. It ****s you up inside and you lose your ability to care for others. I guarantee you would not want to date someone with such extensive casual, disposable sexcapades in their past. They are damaged goods themselves.
Lyssa Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Ever think about how if affects you to be the user? Not sure who you're asking but assuming you're asking me - I never thought about cause I don't use people for sex or anything at all.
a4a Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 what is the big deal? So a woman decides she wants to have sex with a guy and then says she is not looking for marriage or kids with him.... whippity****s. Many times I have not wanted to be tied down to a relationship but for cripes sake that doesn't mean I don't want to have sex. And the OP is just as big of a slut cuz he took off his pants too. A woman can want and desire sex simply for the pleasure of sex - not for revenge on the male race. Not every piece of ass is about marriage potential to a woman. Another thing to consider - perhaps the sex was not that good for her, I didn't see anything mentioned about how great the actual sex was.
Author northernman Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Lyssa, I can handle it just fine... I am not valuing myself on some easy, loony chick off the internet. Wondering why someone acts a certain way, doesn't mean "I cant handle it" Although it seems you would find more joy if I was devastated.. And these women do seem childish..."I wanted sex with you, you had sex with me, so now I am creeped out and want to win a game!" "look I ran away quickly! I win" The other poster was right, leave sex to adults who can handle it..
Woggle Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Just forget about her. She probably just wanted to fu-k and that is just what she did. View it as a piece of easy ass and move on with your life. Don't stress yourself over this because it is not worth it.
Lizzie60 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 She seemed VERY into me, but now ignored me. Obviously, I wont keep trying to contact her, I just wanted to let her know I was interested. Has this happened to any other men? Women, have you done this to a man? What does her text reply sound like it means to you? I don't think her reply was a big deal... I think she probably say that to every guy she has sex with.... and I would bet a lot of guys do the same with their one night stands...LOL I have done it to many guys... sex was good or just so-so.. and I would tell them they were great just to make them feel good... You should be happy that she won't forget it... better that ..than hearing that you were lousy...
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