What is worse in coping - the ex or the idea of never finding another love?

[oppath]

I've always felt, even in my darkest moments, that of course I would find love again. My cognitive distortion was a little bit different, believing that somehow it will take longer or be more difficult for me than for others. Really, that comes down to low self esteem: not feeling efficacy in my dating skills and not feeling I have worth.

 

Some people seem to move on RIGHT AWAY, and you need to remember, that isn't necessarily healthy either.

[Rayofsunshine]

oops sorry about that ariawoman

 

Maybe we could time travel with Hero and change the outcome of our last relationship. Haha:lmao:

[Bosiell]

Maybe all our potential spouses are all trapped in some alternate universe somewhere. Maybe the cast of heroes can retrieve them for us.

 

 

Hell yeah!

[Lyssa]

How many of us are actually missing our exes, and how many of us, deep down, knew that ex was never going to work and we are moreso afraid of never finding love again?

 

I used to miss my ex-BF. Almost all the time. After 2 - 3yrs, I started disliking him more and more. I think it's because I have gotten over him and starting to think more about how he treated me. He was a nice guy but at the same time, he was trying to adopt the 'bad guy' attitude - which he failed miserably - very confusing at times.

 

I got over him, so glad I did. Met someone really amazing now so I am happy. Happy I got over him and happier that I found someone that is not confused and is himself all the time.

 

Ariawoman, that man is out there for you. You just gotta have faith, sister!

[AriaIncognito]

Aw, thanks lyssa, I appreciate it. I find myself thinking more about the bad parts of him lately than the good, so I'm really trying to convince myself that I will find someone much better for me. It's tough, of course, but I've been doing OK. I just wish I'd meet a distraction for goodness sake. Someone to crush on or something...

[LakesideDream]

This is a really hard one for me to comment on because it hits so close to home.

 

The day my ex asked for a seperation/divorce (after 25 years, gad it was seven years ago) I was crushed, absolutely destroyed. A few hours later, magic happened.

 

My ex had left to "take a drive" (communicate on the cel "he" gave her) I went to the shared computer we used for business, and personal stuff. When I spaced off the screen saver, it was open to Classmates.com which they had been using for an email "cut out". I had never seen "classmates"... it cost money I didn't believe we could afford.

 

I searched for my "first love"... and bingo in five seconds she was there. I didn't have my ex's password (it had timed out) so I couldn't send an email, so I got my credit card and joined... and sent the mail. All it said was "want to write?"

 

What ensued was a beautiful, however short "thing" that made my destroyed marriage and subsequent break up and official divorce bearable. For numerous reasons, including distance, and family responsibilities it didn't last.

 

There lies the problem. The "break up" from the happiness of those months, hurt worse than the break up of my marriage. One came right after another. And the ache is still there.

 

I haven't been able to have a reasonable relationship since. I'm picky, and demand more honesty than I've been able to find. Oh well, at 57 I'm not sure I will get another oppertunity.

 

Yup, she does live by a lake.

[Sanslatete]

I miss the ex and the times that we shared together. He could make me laugh and understood me. I knew he was "the one", but I guess it wasn't meant to be. This is where it leads into the second part, since we aren't together anymore it makes me feel like I will never find another love (or at least one like I had). I guess I am causing myself to be that way, comparing the "potential" guys with the one that I can never have again. When I am out in situations where I can meet guys, I feel blah towards them, no emotions.

 

Same here. I wish it had been my ex-GF, she "got" me and we had so much in common. When we were in love, it was the most beautiful, natural thing ever, it was like we'd known each other all our lives. But it all crumbled and I don't think I'll ever find anyone like her again. I look at other women but none of them do squat for me. Maybe it's just not the time yet, and I still miss her which doesn't help.

[RichC]

I am going to be finally divorced on 9 November. Right now I don't want a relationship for awhile but, after seeing what is out there, I wonder if I will have one. I refuse to have a relationship just to have one but I get weary just thinking about the dating process.

[LoveDeluxe78]

So I've been reading some threads today and a lot of us talk about how we miss our exes or whatever and it got me to thinking. How many of us are actually missing our exes, and how many of us, deep down, knew that ex was never going to work and we are moreso afraid of never finding love again?

 

I know this is a very Sex and the City type question, but I'm curious.

 

Honestly, I think right now, I'm a little more of the latter. While I loved my ex and truly wanted to spend my life with him, I think now that I've been NC for 4 months and I look at how he treated me (not well enough) I know that he wasn't as right for me as I once believed and now I just fear I'll never find the one person who IS.

 

What do you think about your situation?

 

Oh, the ex was SO wrong for me! He was nonchalant and unemotional. He was cold and distant! He would rather hang out with the boys and get drunk than to see me! But...the times in which we did hang out and when he opened up to me, things were AMAZING and MINDBLOWING! Our connection was great! However, being with him was so painful! I always felt rejected, always felt neglected, so I decided to end things with him. I broke it off with him several times, but always decided to take him back. This last time I moved 8 hours away so it was something that finally had to happen!

 

I know in my heart that there's someone out there who's a much better match for me, and who actually wants to be with me!

 

So to answer your question, I know deep down he was not the right one for me. I went NC for a whole month only to relapse last night through a stupid drunken phone call and found him to be so nonchalant and over me!