Krying Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Those of you who remember my sad ass story from a year ago, will find this new one humorous at least. Yesterday I posted this on the breakup forums... About a month ago, I met this wonderful girl. For two weeks in the beginning, it was about as good as you can imagine in a relationship sans sex. But something caused her to pull back, become distant and pretty much avoid having contact with me. At first I was just patient and put it off as one of those things. She came around and would say she was sorry for acting the way she was and tell me I had nothing to worry about and that things were good. She would also tell me I worried to much when I in my heard new there was something going on with her. She never returned my calls, has never replied to an email, and has claimed quite a few times to have not had her cell phone etc. I've always given her the benefit of the doubt. I'm the perpetual loser when it comes to relationships like this. I'm always patient, send her flowers, give her space and so on. Yet I seem to fail everytime. So after talking with people who I know and trust have more knowledge when it comes to relationships and know how, all telling me to end it with this girl, my gut instinct was to simply be patient and be there for her while giving her the space to deal with whatever it was or is that she is facing. But today I did something I've never done before. I broke up with her, and it was via an email of all things. I feel terrible, because I did not want it to end, but at the same time, I'm in a relationship with only myself, so how could it have ended any differently. But also one of the reasons why it was recommended to me that I break things off with her, was so that she would be forced to deal with me not being there. I gather she's one of those girls who likes the chase. I still believe that the nice guys get screwed everytime. My belief that patience, honesty and care will always win out in the end over slick moves, playing hard to get and all those others games, has pretty much been shot to ****. I told her Dad only a few nights back that I love this girl. I truly do. And I would stand by her with no hesitation. But her behavior was not cool and it was killing me not knowing if she was ok, her then saying she was sorry and saying I had nothing to worry about, when I knew there was a problem etc. Time will tell what will happen here. If she truly cared for me in anyway, she would have not pushed me away and just left me dangling here full or worry and doubt. So now it's NC time. I did call her house the night I sent the email which was yesterday. But it was only to speak with her father with whom I am truly friends with. I wanted to let him know I had ended things with his daughter. But no one picked up the phone so either she was screening calls or they weren't home. Anyway I won't be doing that again. I'll see him another time and I know for sure I'll be talking with him about it. But the girl, hmm, I'm pretty sure she's not going to call me, email me or speak to me in any fashion. The only way I will get her back is by going NC. It could take awhile. By then I'll probably not want her back anyway. But at this point, I still care for her. I really like her. The good thing is I'm not messed up like I was a year ago. That was hell. This is just well I don't know, I can sort of deal with this now. Anyway, I need advice here. I am doing the NC thing. I am developing my poker face. She's not going to see a sad person if I ever do run into her. But what else can I do to woo her back? Just because I was the dumper does not mean I wanted it to end. In fact I think she wanted me to dump her, I'm pretty sure of that, so that she didn't come off as the bad guy. I was patient with her. When my gut instinct was telling me she was being dishonest and flakey, she convinced me nothing was wrong, that I worried too much. Suffice to say, everything she said about me, was actually her own insecurities being pushed onto me. I fell for a chaser, and once she had me, she checked out. Hoping for some gems of wisdom here.
alwayshurt Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Sorry to hear that. I have a similar situation and I know the pain. Although you did what you did with good will, I think you made a mistake by writing the breakup email and then calling her. Why did you have to bother if it is obviuos that it is over. I agreed with you that nice guys always get screw up but as nice guys we have great deal of sensitivity and can feel when things are moving far of our control. By writing the email you showed you are still there thinking of her and that gives her power. I would have maintained NC all the way (there is what I am doing) only by doing so you may (very rarely) cause the other person to miss you and ask to come back. I am sorry to say this but your chances for her to come back to you are little....and stop talking to her father. He will tell her everything and that will put you in the weakest link. Move on and date other girls. If it is meant to be it will happen no matter what you do. Good luck.
Author Krying Posted September 29, 2007 Author Posted September 29, 2007 Just to clarify, the only email I sent to her was one ending the relationship. Since she was pretty much avoiding me, on my terms it was time to end it whether I was able to speak with her, or see her in person. Thus I sent an email ending it. I know I have to go NC. I'm inexperienced in the games of relationships. Looking for suitable minded mentors and advisers to formulate a plan .
Author Krying Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 I was at a function tonight at church which lasted a few hours. My ex was there as well as her Dad. I didn't make eye contact or even look in her direction. She seemed to be "happy" actually. I tried my best to just be normal and not look happy or sad. Not sure if I pulled it off. Once it was over, I didn't hang around and left. She never came after me I guess it really is over, or we're both doing the NC thing and trying to act like nothing is bothering us. Crap. I feel horrible. Will probably have a little cry before I go to sleep. I was surprised to see her tonight. Once I did, I was for some reason in my mind feeling there might be hope or a chance she would talk to me afterwards. No go. This is going to be harder than I thought.
alwayshurt Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I am really sorry. She is definetely not thinking about you at all and you are right she probably was happy. There is why I said that it was a mistake to write her. If she does not hear from you, sooner or later she might be wondering what is going on with you...it doesn't mean she wants to go back with you. The more you maintain distance the more this can happen. The chances to get back together are rare but sometime it happen. I was once married and my ex wife one day decided to call it off. She was having an affair with somebody else. I begged, cried and begged again not to leave me. I lost my dignity and integrity. i felt ashame of myself (afterward). The moment I said "ok it is over I am leaving" she came back to me. years later i broke up with her (eventually it became divorce) and she came after me for one year. She knew she had done wrong in the past and, although she was in pain, there was nothing she could say against me. What I am trying to say here is that sometimes what can now seem a nightmare to you eventually it could turn to your favor. I hope you'll feel better and if you need to talk I am here. I have the same sheet going on. I posted but nobody is giving me advices. Don't know why.
Author Krying Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 Thanks alwayshurt for that. If for any reason she does contact me and wants to talk, I'm going to rebuff her and tell her I'm not ready to discuss anything. I need some time to digest what is just happened and pull myself up off the floor. Out of my own self dignity, I had to write her. I couldn't sit here with a noose around my neck, knowing that the next time she saw me and we talked that she herself was going to end things. The night before I sent the email, I had a long talk with her father as I knew something was wrong. He revealed she herself was wanting to end things. Thus the next day I sent the email. In terms of having any effect in getting her back and all this NC stuff, it probably has no power whatsoever. Here's a question to anyone here. Knowing that your other was most probably going to end the relationship the next time your saw them, would you end it yourself? And if so, would that have an effect on the other persons pride, or would they feel like they got let off the hook, and then wouldn't have to do the explaining as to why they wanted to end the relationship?
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