uniqueone Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Why cling when you can move on? I think this is why: But, I guess... when it comes to guys, I'm shy and don't date much. When I let myself actually LIKE a guy -- like I did with this dude -- it's sort of a big deal. I'm cautious, and it's rare when I feel a connection. I can relate.
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I think this is why: I can relate. Do you feel this has been an effective strategy for you?
uniqueone Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Do you feel this has been an effective strategy for you? No. But I can't flip a switch and turn myself into the other type of person.
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 No. But I can't flip a switch and turn myself into the other type of person. While I understand this if it's a relationship situation, I can't for one date. It's not as if you're really invested beyond a pride/ego blow.
uniqueone Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 While I understand this if it's a relationship situation, I can't for one date. It's not as if you're really invested beyond a pride/ego blow. She felt a strong connection. She doesn't find people she clicks with that often. I think it's understandable. You may see plenty of fish in the sea. She sees a fish that interests her on the rare occasion.
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 She felt a strong connection. She doesn't find people she clicks with that often. I think it's understandable. You may see plenty of fish in the sea. She sees a fish that interests her on the rare occasion. So you feel this as a perfectly healthy approach to life and promote this type of behaviour?
uniqueone Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 So you feel this as a perfectly healthy approach to life and promote this type of behaviour? Promote it? That's like asking: Do you promote blue eyes? Can you MAKE someone feel attracted to or feel a connection to lots of fish? It just is. Some click with many. Some click with few. It's a lot easier for those who click with many. That doesn't mean you can make the latter into the former.
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Promote it? That's like asking: Do you promote blue eyes? Can you MAKE someone feel attracted to or feel a connection to lots of fish? It just is. Some click with many. Some click with few. It's a lot easier for those who click with many. That doesn't mean you can make the latter into the former. All things considered, I don't click with every guy who I date and I don't accept every offer of dates or otherwise. If anything I'm probably the most selective person you've ever met in your life. But...I don't believe in obsessing about a guy after one date. If you invest that quickly, it's something to be concerned about, instead of accepting it as being okay.
uniqueone Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 All things considered, I don't click with every guy who I date and I don't accept every offer of dates or otherwise. If anything I'm probably the most selective person you've ever met in your life. But...I don't believe in obsessing about a guy after one date. If you invest that quickly, it's something to be concerned about, instead of accepting it as being okay. Usually it's after a lot of time getting to know them (like she mentioned).
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Usually it's after a lot of time getting to know them (like she mentioned). I rarely date men I haven't known for awhile, sometimes years...
Author pandagirl Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 UPDATE! Okay, so I totally ran into him on the street today; ironically the first time i have ever seen him outside of a work-related event. He was such a weirdo. He was very awkward, couldn't look me in the eye, etc. Later I ran into a common friend of ours, and she was like: "tell him to meet us for drinks." i texted him like: "ran into ****, come meet us for drinks if you want." no reply from him. the chapter is closed. he is a jerk. now, if i was some girl he met at a bar, it wouldn't be as bad. but seeing he's known me for 1 and 1/2 years and we've hung out numerous times, this is unacceptable. why would he try to get to know me, then totally blow me off? JERK!
glittergurl Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Oh yeah, that's messed up! He just sounds like a flakey wuss.
Author pandagirl Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 he is such a jerk! all my interest in him has disappeared after this encounter. prior to this, i was interested in him because we had a lot in common and i thought he was a cool, nice person. now that he's made it clear that he's immature and incapable of behaving like a normal adult, i'm just over it.
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Yup, you got a runaway. Exit, stage left and don't look back...
fray718 Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 now, if i was some girl he met at a bar, it wouldn't be as bad. but seeing he's known me for 1 and 1/2 years and we've hung out numerous times, this is unacceptable. Yea this is the part that shocked me. I mean if he was nice and let u down easily then I would just think he's a nice guy who wasnt that into you. But given what he did here, it's totally him and not you. He is definitely a jerk.
Author pandagirl Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 exactly. i'm not some needy girl at all. and lest us not forget that this whole thing was *his* idea in the first place, and he had been building towards getting to know me for months. if a guy isn't into me, that's totally fine. every guy doesn't have to want to date me. but every guy should treat a cool girl with some respect. my friends were shocked when they heard about how he treated me, because... as i've said before, i'm not the kind of girl you do that to, meaning i present myself with confidence and as an intelligent personl does anyone think he just wanted to sleep with me?
OpenBook Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 why do guys act like this though? i can't imagine someone like him being successful at dating ANYONE. It might have been the make-out session at the end of your date that "broke the spell" for him. This happened to me. It was just a kiss in my case... but that was all it took for him to hit the road! He had been giving me the puppy-dog eyes, and acted like he adored me, right up until that kiss. He just wasn't the right guy for you. The "real thing" doesn't run away after a kiss. Don't fret about it. The real thing is coming your way.
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 What guy doesn't want to sleep with a girl he's asked out? Most have the courtesy to wait until she's ready but some don't have the patience or maturity to do so.
Author pandagirl Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 ha! yes, same with me. puppy dog eyes, adoring looks... then nada. nah. he definitely isn't the right guy for me, and i realize that, but when it comes down to it...it hurts that someone who has known me for so long, chose to treat me like this.
uniqueone Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 but every guy should treat a cool girl with some respect. my friends were shocked when they heard about how he treated me, because... as i've said before, i'm not the kind of girl you do that to, meaning i present myself with confidence and as an intelligent personl I'm confused on this part....is there a type of girl that it's ok for guys to do this to?
Author pandagirl Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 I'm confused on this part....is there a type of girl that it's ok for guys to do this to? no, every girl demands respect. i guess i just meant, i never presented myself as a "party girl," and i don't even flirt with guys. i call guys out on their s*** in conversations. i'm like the "tough girl" in bad teen movies!
uniqueone Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 no, every girl demands respect. i guess i just meant, i never presented myself as a "party girl," and i don't even flirt with guys. i call guys out on their s*** in conversations. i'm like the "tough girl" in bad teen movies! Ohhh.....I gotcha. I'm usually the nice girl whose niceness gets taken advantage of.
Author pandagirl Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 So, this thread has been dead for a bit, but I decided just to tell about my "closure" about this situation. i had a hard week. this guy really threw me for a loop. i really liked him. i was beating myself that i wasn't good enough or that i did something to drive him away. then the other night i dreamed about something that had happened to me when i was i college. there was a boy i liked a lot; very nice, very cute, very smart. we would hangout a lot. then one day he basically told me he liked me too and wanted to date me. though i genuinely DID like him, something in me froze and the idea of actually dating this for real guy scared me to death and, basically, i was a jerk and disappeared. i still can't explain why, except that i just wasn't ready to have "feelings." i was only 22 at the time, but i still feel bad about it! anyway, who knows what this guy who didn't call me back was thinking, but that dream i had made me realize that when these things happen -- people don't call you back, people disappear, etc. -- it was everything to do with *that* person and not you.
fray718 Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 So, this thread has been dead for a bit, but I decided just to tell about my "closure" about this situation. i had a hard week. this guy really threw me for a loop. i really liked him. i was beating myself that i wasn't good enough or that i did something to drive him away. then the other night i dreamed about something that had happened to me when i was i college. there was a boy i liked a lot; very nice, very cute, very smart. we would hangout a lot. then one day he basically told me he liked me too and wanted to date me. though i genuinely DID like him, something in me froze and the idea of actually dating this for real guy scared me to death and, basically, i was a jerk and disappeared. i still can't explain why, except that i just wasn't ready to have "feelings." i was only 22 at the time, but i still feel bad about it! anyway, who knows what this guy who didn't call me back was thinking, but that dream i had made me realize that when these things happen -- people don't call you back, people disappear, etc. -- it was everything to do with *that* person and not you. Wow you WERE a jerk!..j/k haha...but actually what you said shed alot of light on reality. People see the 'he's just not into you' book as the bible sometimes and while it has some truths to it, ppl should realize that it's not always about YOU. Sometimes it really IS the other person and his/her insecurities/fears, etc. I was actually a real jerk today. I feel so bad about it. This guy from online I've been emailing for a week asked to meet and I said yes and then I started freaking out, just panicked for 2 days, and he emailed me asking what kind of food i'd like for dinner and he was so sweet and funny in his email that it made me freak out even more! So out of just fear I cancelled the date because I'm just not ready to put myself out there yet...I'm deathly afraid of falling for this guy and having him hurt me like the others :lmao:
uniqueone Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 My question to these last two posts here is this.....why no communication? A few months ago.....I was talking to a few guys online and then stopped. A week or two later I told them that I really didn't think I could meet anyone right then because of a bad experience I'd had online earlier this year and that I'm sorry if I wasted their time. During the last several weeks, I've had guys writing to me online and I havent' responded. I finally responded to some of them the other day and I explained why I haven't gotten back with them. I told them how I'd gotten burnt out on the whole thing and that I hadn't read messages in two weeks and I apologized for the delay in responding. Of the ones I've been writing to recently, two of them made some references to intimacy in their messages to me. This is a turnoff to me at this stage in the game. I responded back to each of them that I am not sure if we're on the same wavelength and I explained specifically why. In any of these situations, it seems that a LOT of people out there tend to go silent and disappear rather than communicate to each other. Not me. I tell them what's on my mind. I also get back with people rather than just leaving them hanging. Granted, I don't get back with EVERYONE of them...but if I've already built some type of connection with them, such as a few emails or especially if we've talked on the phone, then I'm going to give them an explanation rather than just fall off the face of the earth leaving them wondering. I think to myself what I'd like done to me and that's how I treat them. So my recommendation is put yourself in the other person's position and treat them the way you'd want to be treated if you were them.
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