pandagirl Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 i know, it's an age old question... but why don't guys call back??? this guy has been pursuing me for months now, and i've been hot and cold about him. finally, last week, we spend time together and at the end of the night, we make out. just kissing. i call him a few days later to say "hi" and just a casual "how are you doing?" i usually am not the first to call, but seeing i've been weird towards him about my feelings for him, i thought he deserved a little encouragement. now, a week later, no call back? all of my friends who know him say it's obvious he genuinely likes me... i don't get it! he's known me for over a year, so i don't think i'm some random conquest. could it be that he's just really busy? or shy? or he's just "not that into me"? ahhh!!!
popey Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 it could be any of the above. he could have just been enjoying the conquest. could be that he finally broke a semi-seal and is now playing his cards, (successfully) making you want him to call- which essentially has finaly made the power switch. any number of things. how long has it been?
Trialbyfire Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Does it matter why he hasn't called? If he hasn't called, he hasn't made the time or effort to do so. In this day and age, everyone has a way to contact you whether it's dialing his cell phone or reaching you through some internet means. I would chalk this one up to an experience learned and move on. If he calls you later, you can decide if it's too late or not, or if his excuses have any validity to them. Myself, I wouldn't bother.
maynard Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 hmm..well i just posted in another thread how i almost never initiate conversations and dont pursue. but if im interested i ALWAYS call back as soon as i can if i just made out with a girl i liked, i would not leave her hanging
Yesm Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 I would say there are a couple reason he hasn't called back, any of them possible: 1. He is trying to give you space. Maybe he doesn't want to seem like he's too eager or smothering you. 2. He is following the "wait X days to call her back" rule that many guys employ, so as to "leave the woman in suspense", or see 1. 3. Like you've been hot and cold for him, maybe he's been hot and cold for you, and finally, when both cycles have aligned, you guys took it a step further, but he realized his cold feelings were the correct ones. 4. He is unsure of his feelings for you and wants to figure them out before he responds. 5. He may have actually been busy, but this seems unlikely. He is most likely conscious of the fact that he hasn't called you in a week. Hope this helps.
Poboy Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 not interested , shy , flaky , busy , was just looking for sex but didn't get it , involved with someone else , playing the waiting game , confused etc etc etc
Author pandagirl Posted September 29, 2007 Author Posted September 29, 2007 It's been over a week since I last saw him, and one week since i called him. I am not going to be destroyed if he doesn't call. If he doesn't, taking things any further wasn't worth it in the first place. But, i am confused! One bit of odd behavior: a couple months ago, he left for a month long trip. He said he would call when he got back. He didn't call for two weeks when he returned, but then unexpectedly showed up at a get together, where he didn't know anyone... except for me. He obviously came just to see me. More questionable behavior: he seems nervous/awkward around me; he behaves like a teenaged boy when it comes to his affection; he came to my bday party when i didn't invite him. Any one who knows me, knows I'm not the type of girl guys don't call back. I'm not extremely good looking or anything, but I am the "nice, funny, cool, smart" girl... sort of like Sarah Silverman with a less raunchy mouth. haha. Guys who like me, like me because they think i'm great, not because they want to bed me. Would any of you suggest me contacting him again? thanks for all your replies!
Lishy Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Nope definately dont call And when he calls you ........ Dont answer! If he was interested you would not get him off the phone, men are like that as a rule. They know what they want and they go for it Dont call, dont answer when he calls and if he calls back then answer it and see what he has to say If he is playing a waiting game with you hon then you will soon know! Dont be a doormat Good luck and also good on you that you are the girl that guys always call and treat with respect! Keep your self esteem up and treat yourself like gold!
popey Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 only call him, if you are calling b/c you still view him as a friend. a friend who fkd up and should be told, b/c it is pretty rude to finally hook up with a friend and then not call, nor return her call.
Author pandagirl Posted September 29, 2007 Author Posted September 29, 2007 well, we aren't exactly good enough friends to warrant that kind of response to him. if i don't hear from him, i'm just going to let it go. his loss! however, i predict i am eventually going to hear from him in a month or so. too late, sucker! haha.
Lishy Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Thats the right attitide honey WTG that girl!!!!!!!!
Trialbyfire Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 That's the attitude. Know that you have much to offer and if someone doesn't appreciate them, that's okay too. Move on.
uniqueone Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 I would say there are a couple reason he hasn't called back, any of them possible: 1. He is trying to give you space. Maybe he doesn't want to seem like he's too eager or smothering you. Not a possibility since she's the one who called him. Therefore it means she doesn't need space. 2. He is following the "wait X days to call her back" rule that many guys employ, so as to "leave the woman in suspense", or see 1. I thought that "rule" pertained to going out on a date, not to returning calls. Maybe I'm wrong there though since I don't go by rules. 3. Like you've been hot and cold for him, maybe he's been hot and cold for you, and finally, when both cycles have aligned, you guys took it a step further, but he realized his cold feelings were the correct ones. Stiill rude, immature to not respond. 4. He is unsure of his feelings for you and wants to figure them out before he responds. It was just a date. He doesn't have to know if he wants to marry her or anything. It was just a date! 5. He may have actually been busy, but this seems unlikely. He is most likely conscious of the fact that he hasn't called you in a week. Busy is no longer a valid excuse in today's world....too much access to phones and other means of communication. If someone today tells you they haven't called because they've been busy, consider it to mean that you haven't even been on their mind.
Author pandagirl Posted September 29, 2007 Author Posted September 29, 2007 Obviously, I am a little disappointed. I thought he respected me since I've known him for awhile/was a coworker of his. More than anything, it's this lack of respect/rudeness that is bothering me the most!!! Thanks for all the replies and support. I will update if he ever calls/i see him again!
mpower95 Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I've done this before and my reason was that I simply wasn't interested in the woman. Either something she did scared me off, or I just knew there was no connection. It's a very rude and immature thing to do to a person though. When it happened to me, I got a taste of my own medicine and have not done it since. I realized that I had a problem with facing my problems, and would just opt to run. Now I simply tell whoever I'm dating, that I don't think were right for each other if I don't feel any sparks. If a man is interested in and respects you, he will call you back. You should be dissapointed, but move on to someone else that can have some respect for you.
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I've done this before and my reason was that I simply wasn't interested in the woman. Either something she did scared me off, or I just knew there was no connection. It's a very rude and immature thing to do to a person though. When it happened to me, I got a taste of my own medicine and have not done it since. I realized that I had a problem with facing my problems, and would just opt to run. Now I simply tell whoever I'm dating, that I don't think were right for each other if I don't feel any sparks. If a man is interested in and respects you, he will call you back. You should be dissapointed, but move on to someone else that can have some respect for you. Two points that are so true...
Author pandagirl Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 well... 1. I absolutely did nothing to scare him off, besides welcoming the making out at the end of the night, he was the one instigating *everything.* He went out of his way to walk me home, made efforts to see to me, etc. 2. It's possible he isn't interested in me, but... I dunno, my instincts with guys are usually spot on, and men don't do the things he did when they don't like you. Examples: being shy, nervous, looking lovingly into your eyes, etc. It was almost like *he* liked ME too much. That being said. Bottom line is: for whatever reason, he's not calling me back. And I have to say, it's making me a lot more curious about him than I was before! I wish I could've gotten to know him better; we seemed to have a lot in common and the same sense of weird humor. Also: we weren't even dating! This was basically our first romantic encounter after a year. Question: Would it be weird if i contacted him in a month or so if I'm still interested?
ahah2322 Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 i can safely say he's not into you. guys who are will not leave a girl hanging. glad you are not too affected by it, babe! and no, don't contact him. i'm sure you can find someone else
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 The best person to broach your question to, is yourself in a month's time. I've reworded the question you should ask yourself. Here's a guy who's flaked on you when he had his opportunity and you want to pursue him in a month?
Author pandagirl Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 You guys are totally right. Deep down, I know I'm better off. It's not a big deal. But, I guess... when it comes to guys, I'm shy and don't date much. When I let myself actually LIKE a guy -- like I did with this dude -- it's sort of a big deal. I'm cautious, and it's rare when I feel a connection. HOWEVER, this is another set of issues that I realize are unrelated to this guy not calling me back. Also: have I failed to mention, this is the first guy to never call me back (I'm 28)?! Maybe that's why it's getting to me so!
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Sounds like it's more of a pride/ego issue than anything else. If this guy's working you, he's gotcha'. Laugh it off and move on. Who wants a gamer? Come as you mean to go. Y'know?
Author pandagirl Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 haha. Maybe you got me. My guy friend asked me the other night: "Do you even LIKE him?" And I was like: "Hmm. good question!" This guy is not a gamer; he's very awkward and socially weird. But, you're right. C'est la vie. or more like HASTA LA VISTA. haha.
uniqueone Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 That being said. Bottom line is: for whatever reason, he's not calling me back. And I have to say, it's making me a lot more curious about him than I was before! I wish I could've gotten to know him better; we seemed to have a lot in common and the same sense of weird humor. As I've said to someone else on here recently....THIS is what's driving it. It's all got to do with wanting what we can't have. It's ego driven. Would it be weird if i contacted him in a month or so if I'm still interested? Who cares what's weird and what's not weird. You should do whatever you feel like doing. If he liked it....cool. If he thought it was weird....then at that point, why would you care what he thought?
glittergurl Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Who cares what's weird and what's not weird. You should do whatever you feel like doing. If he liked it....cool. If he thought it was weird....then at that point, why would you care what he thought? Exactly. I sometimes set all rules aside and go for whatever feels right to me at that time. It often has no logic and it's things that would make people on this forum go "no". Sometimes it's a mistake, and sometimes it turns out better than I could have imagined. Give it some time for now, and see what happens next. If you're dying to talk to him again in a month, then go for it. If he pulls the same crap again and again, you'll quickly learn your lessons and move on.
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Why cling when you can move on? You'll only hang onto something that might not be worth the headache. If a guy is so insecure or gaming you, that he needs to do this type of thing, why waste precious time when there's plenty of fish in the ocean? After moving on, if he comes back, you can make the decision with a clear head if he's worth the chance or not. I've yet to meet anyone who's worth the second chance.
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