the1andONLY Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 me and my wife have been together for 6 year married 1.5 and 1 child i myself am a very sexual person and she isnt, but she looks at porn and masterbates very regulary while im at work but when im home she is not in the mood, but she says she is very attracted to me i guess i just dont under stand. i just thought may be i could get some one elses point of view and get there opinion on this and if there is any thing i could change. also so she has a fantasy of rape and it is what she looks at on the internet alot, she doesnt know why she has always had this fantasy. sorry if this is in the wrong section but any comments would be apprietiated
popey Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Well, I can't really speak to the rape fantasy/porn issue. Admittedly this one throws me and I don't understand it, but I do know that others think differently. As for the rest of the issue, perhaps you could try incorporating her masterbation and porn into your sex?
Darkzen Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 A friend of mine a long time ago had a girlfriend that had the rape fantasy. I guess you call say they acted on it one day. My friend said he felt so dirty afterwards and he'd never do that ever again. Personally, I don't "get it" and would probably never do it... regardless of permission or not. As for the loss of attraction... sorry but you need to do more to excite her. Whether it's more foreplay or fantasy or even getting in shape. From personal experience, if you replace attraction with arousal... things won't be perfect but they'll work. You'd be surprised how bad someone wants you, when you know how to push their buttons.
Ariadne Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Hey, Just tell her that you have this fantasy that you want to tie her up. See how she responds. Ariadne
norajane Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 The 'rape fantasy' isn't really about wanting to be raped. It's a fantasy about completely losing control in the moment, and being 'taken' or dominated or ravished (lots of those romance novels with the Fabio-type guys on the cover are full of rape fantasies, often the virginal young girl with the macho dude who takes her). Sometimes it alleviates vestiges of guilt women might have for being 'bad' or 'dirty' in wanting to have sex. Sometimes it's about giving up resonsibility - when sex for women is often fraught with responsibility. In your wife's case, since she masturbates when you aren't home, it may also be that's when she feels the most free with her sexuality - when she is alone. And that's when she has the dirtiest fantasies - when there's no one to know. It's a common fantasy for women, and doesn't necessarily involve violence. Google 'rape fantasy' or 'consensual force fantasy' and read all about it. Maybe you can incorporate the porn into your sex life with her. Maybe you can add elements of the fantasy that are appealing to her - talk to her and find out explicitly what she finds appealing about it. And make sure you are clear that you aren't judging her, or that you think it's disgusting or whatever - be clear that you are hoping to understand and explore and revel in her sexuality with her.
popey Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 good point NJ. and on that note, maybe give her some alcohol to lower the inihibtions (and make her feel like she has an excuse for being naughty), be a little aggressive and take control.
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