Little_M Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 This could get long. Basically, I've been in a relationship for 6 years. BF is a wonderful man, we have had 6 wonderful years together. ...Early in our relationship, I cheated on him with my exbf. ExBF and I did not date for long in high school, but carried on a wonderfully passionate love affair for some time over the years (we maintained a non-committed sexual relationship before my current bf an i began dating). Until April, we had not spoken for about 2+ years, or been together sexually for 3+ Then, Ex and I run into each other one night... Ex and I cannot see each other without wanting to rip each other's clothes off - but so far, we have not cheated fully....We have kissed, alot...just discussed how much we have loved seeing each other - i am so confused. We have not discussed leaving our currents. Hes buying a house with his current gf. 6 years later - I'm 27...there are some big decisions on the horizon..marriage? house? baby? Im trying not to be too myopic, but bare with me please. We are starting to get into danger territory now. Text messaging saying how much we want to rip each others' clothing off - random messages during the day seeing how each other are. Are men in non-married relationships different than MM? Should I just ask him if he is interested in seeing if this works? Or am I doomed to be the OW. I really don't want to be that. I figure, if time has proven that we are just this attracted to each other, will i regret it if I don't just put it out there and ask him what he wants from me? I guess i'm afraid he will say 'nothing'. Thats the truth. But Im thinking if i can be persuaded to leave my 6 year b/f for this, perhaps he is willing to do it also? This guy is my kryptonite. I know we are with our currents because they are good people who keep us both very balanced, and we love them - but is there a way to get him to understand that our track record indicates we should be considering being together? Does passion ever override harmony? Am i even making sense now? argghhhhhhh...
reboot Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 I don't know what you should do about the ex, but I do know you have no business even thinking about marrying/having children with/buying house with your current boyfriend. You should either break up with him, or at least tell him what's going on so he can decide what he wants to do about it. This is real unfair for him.
Author Little_M Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 It took quite a lot of soul searching and courage, but i did tell my current that i needed time to sort myself out. If you love someone, set them free - right? I wasn't being fair - and i was having problems looking at myself in the mirror. Thanks for your comment.
jesssica Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 It took quite a lot of soul searching and courage, but i did tell my current that i needed time to sort myself out. If you love someone, set them free - right? I wasn't being fair - and i was having problems looking at myself in the mirror. Thanks for your comment. Be strong and do the right thing. Congrats... I'm proud of you!
Cobra_X30 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 It took quite a lot of soul searching and courage, but i did tell my current that i needed time to sort myself out. If you love someone, set them free - right? I wasn't being fair - and i was having problems looking at myself in the mirror. Thanks for your comment. Yes, you need to make a break with him outright! Dont string him along... cause thats what it kinda sounds like your doing now. I'm not really sure what your looking for in a relationship. The way I read this situation is... you have an old friends with benefits... who you would rather be with than your boyfriend. However, it seems like the history shows that this Exbf feels you are good enough for the physical stuff.... but not good enough to date. Correct me if I'm wrong on that. I'd say leave both men... and do some soul searching!
woodsfield Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 like others, i think it is best and fair for BOTH of you to find out what you need. and good for you to make that first step. be careful with the exbf. if it is a purely sexual relationship, then one of you will soon get bored and possibly hurt. however, the exbf could be the love of your life...so could the current (or latest) exbf.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 1. Are men in non-married relationships different than MM? 2. Should I just ask him if he is interested in seeing if this works? 3. Or am I doomed to be the OW. 1. Yes. You want each other in the context of an affair - the hot excitement, the forbidden nature of it, the urgency of passion, yearning for someone twice as much as usual because its not easy having them, etc. Take away the affair context, and you have very little left. You love your boyfriend, and he's great - but you aren't chomping at the bit to rip his clothes off, and take him like you want to take this other guy. I don't expect your boyfriend feels that way about you either. What your boyfriend feels may not be as HOT, but its a lot more secure, comforting, long term, and stable. You and he have a real, solid foundation. You and this other guy have only the superficial top layer of lust, with no foundation underneath. Ever try to build a pretty house with no foundation? There's no mystery to what happens. What this other guy feels will fade within weeks if you and he get together. Then, guess what? He'll be out looking for another OW to light him up like you did when you were his OW. You might land yourself your guy, but when you end up on the losing end, all you will have is a longing look back at what you let go, with nothing to show for it but a scattering of broken hearts. 2. Sure, but only if you are interested in trading down to OW status from the relationship you have now. 3. I don't see this guy leaving his girlfriend any time soon. But I do see him being more than happy to continue sleeping with you nonetheless. Whether or not you will be OW is entirely up to you. Does passion ever override harmony? It could in your case, but that doesn't necessarily mean it will be a happy ending. You stand to lose far more than you ever do to gain in this situation.
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