Lynz Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 I recently met this guy and we've been dating for a few weeks now. Recently though we had a discussion about our pasts. (I know it seemed a bit early to talk about that but we were both drunk and it seemed like a good idea). I asked him how many girls he's slept with, and he was really reluctant to answer. He said 'I don't really wany to tell you because I'm not proud of it.' Eventually he told me. '21.' He said. I couldn't believe it. He is only 21 years old and has already slept with 21 women. He asked me if it bothered me, I lied and said 'no.' He told me that his ex was really pissed of when he told her so me not being annoyed came as a suprise. This however has got me to thinking that he used to be like that a while ago, because he was with his ex for 1 and a half years, and they broke up 6 months ago and he hasn't been with anyone since. I really like him and I don't want all this to put me off him because he seems like a really nice guy and he made it clear that he would never pressurize me into doing anything I wouldn't want to. (I am still a virgin and when I told him he thought that was good because it means I have morals), I said 'well considering you aren't proud of your past then that shows you have morals too.' He said 'well I do now but I never used to.' Should I not let all this put me off him because if he really is ashamed of his past and is a different person now should I give him a chance?
taiko Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 With a rather colorful past that I had admitted to myself my instinct says that he is still so young that if he really turned another page in his life then he should be alone a while longer. Just to prove to himself that he is a new man.
Road Rage Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Too great a divergence in sexual experience is not positive for a realtionship. You will in time resent his "sowing his wild oats" while you have been abstinate. For starters, he does not relate to what you have experienced and in time you will want to sow your wild oats too. I say keep your distance. But, most guys that have boned many women don`t trust women and are likely to seek out someone with little sexual experience when all is said and done. They have just seen too many times the deceptive nature of women.
whichwayisup Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Hold off having sex with him for a while...Make sure that you two are serious enough to have sex and him be committed to you. That and let him have a STD test done, JUST to make sure he doesn't have something. I just hope he used condoms with those 21 women.
sb129 Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 This however has got me to thinking that he used to be like that a while ago, because he was with his ex for 1 and a half years, and they broke up 6 months ago and he hasn't been with anyone since. So that means he slept with 20 women before he turned 19???
bichin Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 You cannot judge someone totally on their past. That being said, 21 years old is still very young. I will tell you this much. I had a very colorful history as well when I was young. By the time I was 21, I had been with 30-35 women. But it was also at around 20 years old that I realized that I wasn't happy with the way I was living my life and I began looking for more meaningful things than a booty call. Judge him on his actions and not on his past. If he really shows you that he is committed to building a healthy relationship with you, then you should not hold his past against him. We all learn and grow as people because of our experiences. Let the physical side of the relationship develop slowly if you are uncomfortable rushing into it.
popey Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 IMO, if my SO behaved/thought a certain way in the past which I find unnaceptable or even just undesirable or unappealing; knowledge of this would bother me. But if I believe that he has changed both in his behavioral choices and his views on the subject then my dislike of the past issue is just something I need to try to get over. While you may not like having to know he was like that in the past, at the same time- isn't the fact that he was introspective about who he was and made a decision to change actually a positive attribute? that being said, I may be wrong for thinking this; but the statement that he was single for six monthes and never slept with anyone is a little suspect to me.
Duck n' Bunnies Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 When I first met my boyfriend now of 3 years... I was also a virgin, and he also had a history... not 21 but I can count the number on 2 hands. So anyway... I asked him if he wouldn't mind getting an AIDS and STD check for me? HE DID! No questions asked... he just said "Sure... I can do that!" and I even let him know that even though I was asking him to get this test... it didn't mean I was going to sleep with him. I just wanted to get facts. We went together, he had it done, then we went to get the results together. It's only now I realize how much he REALLY wanted to have a relationship with me. This proved to me not only that he was truly interested in me, but that he wanted to make sure that we would BOTH be SAFE and HEALTHY! Only the best kind of men do it without question! Give it a try.. what's the worst he can say? "Sorry, I'm not interseted." If he says that... then I don't think he's worth it. Let me know how things turn out!
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