Capricciosa Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 We broke up over 5 months ago and he went back to his country, saying he needed some space to think about our altogether too fast and too intense relationship. I was at the end of my rope by that point anyway. The relationship was pretty bad at the end--he lied and cheated and was a general miserable ogre to be around. When he left I was pretty sure that would be the end of it. But he left some stuff here, assuming there might be a return trip. Well we had contact once, through email, about a week after he left. He asked if it was ok to call me the week after that, and I did not respond (I was really trying hard to heal and de-toxify after all the misery). I haven't heard from him or contacted him since. But there is some stuff in the basement. I want it out of my space, my life. Can I give it to the charity down the street? How long does one have to be the keeper of the vanished ex's belongings (I don't even have a forwarding address)?
Trialbyfire Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 If you can fit it in a box, seal it up and forget about it. If he contacts you again, you can tell him to paypal you the funds to ship the box to whatever forwarding address he provides. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you're not interested in keeping in touch...
London Girl Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 I'm in the same boat too Capricciosa. I have not been in contact with my ex for six months now but I still have his key, clothes, DVDs and I just don't know what to do it. Infact he still has my key. On one hand I am keeping hold of this stuff hoping he might contact me and use the excuse of his belongings to initiate contact but on the other hand I feel by having his stuff, it is preventing me to move on and I do not have full closure. I think they are selfish. They chose to end the relationship and should have retrieved all their stuff from the start or within weeks of leaving us. I was contemplating my ex to ask him to arrange to give back his stuff but I feel silly for doing so since its' been some time since we last saw each other and he might not be that bothered about his belongings. I think I will just pack all his stuff away from sight for the time being.
curiousnycgirl Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 I would send him an email advising him that he has precisely 5 days to get his stuff. If it is still in your house after that time, it is being donated to charity. Then you have covered your a$$ should he look for it later.
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 5 months has passed.. he has lived this long without it..he didn't ask for it back.. he doesn't want it back.. Donate it... or trash it.. whichever is easier...I'm a trasher.. stuff hits the can rather than sit at my house
Author Capricciosa Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 I would send him an email advising him that he has precisely 5 days to get his stuff. If it is still in your house after that time, it is being donated to charity. Then you have covered your a$$ should he look for it later. That would involve contact, which I'm loathe to initiate. And I doubt he'll fly back from Europe for his coat and a few sweaters. Why exactly am I covering my a$$? I am certainly not up to being his friend--would never be able to trust him again. And it would bug me to have to package the stuff and take it to the post office. Coincidentally, here is my Rob Brezny horoscope for the week (I was pondering the charity donation before reading this yesterday): Move the furniture around. In fact, why not move some of it right through the front door and out of your life? If we're lucky, this will get you in the mood to launch a purge of everything that no longer belongs under your roof. Maybe you could throw a Simplification Party, complete with an exorcism. Or corral your friends for a haul-it-all-away caravan to the garbage dump. I don't care how you do it, Cancerian. Just get rid of all knick-knacks, wall hangings, funny mirrors, broken dreams, balls and chains, and formerly cute mementoes that have lost their cuteness. It's time to liberate your home.
Author Capricciosa Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Just to say I hauled most of his stuff out of my basement this aft and stuffed it in the Big Brothers/Sisters charity bin down the street, and for whatever it is worth, if feels very good. Just because someone's stuff is out of site in the basement doesn't mean they still don't feel present. The only thing left is a winter coat, which was kind of expensive (so he said), and I haven't decided who to give it to yet. Anyone interested in a man's largish dark blue , bood quality pea coat? It could be yours for the price of postage!!
Spinderella Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I think its best to send a short message saying "Do you have any objection to your belongings going to charity?" Maybe a list of the items.
sedgwick Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 You can give it away the second he walks out the door! My ex left a coat and a tie at my place and I took it to the thrift store the very next day!!
Author Capricciosa Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Sedgwick, you're obviously a take no prisoners type of gal. I like that. Now if there was only an as efficient way to get rid of the memories.
sedgwick Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Tell me about it! I miss him all day every day. I feel like I had a twin and someone swept him away in the night. I hope it gets better eventually -- I've never loved anyone like this in my life (and I'm 36 years old!)
Recommended Posts