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Posted

About a month ago, I met this wonderful girl. For two weeks in the beginning, it was about as good as you can imagine in a relationship sans sex. But something caused her to pull back, become distant and pretty much avoid having contact with me. At first I was just patient and put it off as one of those things. She came around and would say she was sorry for acting the way she was and tell me I had nothing to worry about and that things were good. She would also tell me I worried to much when I in my heard new there was something going on with her. She never returned my calls, has never replied to an email, and has claimed quite a few times to have not had her cell phone etc. I've always given her the benefit of the doubt.

 

I'm the perpetual loser when it comes to relationships like this. I'm always patient, send her flowers, give her space and so on. Yet I seem to fail everytime. So after talking with people who I know and trust have more knowledge when it comes to relationships and know how, all telling me to end it with this girl, my gut instinct was to simply be patient and be there for her while giving her the space to deal with whatever it was or is that she is facing.

 

But today I did something I've never done before. I broke up with her, and it was via an email of all things. I feel terrible, because I did not want it to end, but at the same time, I'm in a relationship with only myself, so how could it have ended any differently.

 

But also one of the reasons why it was recommended to me that I break things off with her, was so that she would be forced to deal with me not being there. I gather she's one of those girls who likes the chase.

 

I still believe that the nice guys get screwed everytime. My belief that patience, honesty and care will always win out in the end over slick moves, playing hard to get and all those others games, has pretty much been shot to ****.

 

I told her Dad only a few nights back that I love this girl. I truly do. And I would stand by her with no hesitation. But her behavior was not cool and it was killing me not knowing if she was ok, her then saying she was sorry and saying I had nothing to worry about, when I knew there was a problem etc.

 

Time will tell what will happen here. If she truly cared for me in anyway, she would have not pushed me away and just left me dangling here full or worry and doubt.

Posted

My good man. I know the pain you must be feeling, regardless of whether you were the dumper or not.

 

I like you, was patient, caring, loving and compassionate and gave her space. But as you say these things just don't seem to work. From my experience the other person doesn't see it like this, they see it as quite the opposite. Often aligning this with clingyness and weakness.

 

You did the right thing and I think you know it. Regardless of what the movies say and men like us often believe, love doesn't conquer all and you cannot fix somebody else, its up to them to fix themselves.

 

Don't let this defeat you though, I will never ever resort to ****ty games and slick moves as you call them, because they are not me, and I don't believe they are you.

 

You are an honest man, and you will find an honest partner, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day you will find them. If games work on people that shows in my opinion a general lack of maturity, and even if they do coming running back the end result is often the same.

 

Your ex seems alot like mine. When she broke it off we me she expected me to come running after her again, but I didn't, in the end she had to accept that she was the reason for the relationship ending. But even then she couldn't blame herself, instead she chose to blame a ex, ex-bf for her reason for wanting to end it. These people are all the same, and trust me you are better off without them in your life.

 

I am enviable of you, because you had the strength to do what I could not, you ended it before it really messed with your head and your guts. And you should be proud of that if nothing else.

 

-Reactor.

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Posted

Thanks for your post Reactor. After sending the email to her, I freaked out and had to get out of the house. I went and watched a movie and calmed down some. I again started to think I did the wrong thing and should have waited for her to deal with whatever it was that she was going through. But I knew in my gut the next time we spoke she was going to be the one to end things. As soon as she knew she had me, she dumped me. The past couple of weeks have just been her squirming and avoiding me pretty much. And it's not like I had given it up even really. We never had sex. We had kissed quite a few times which was for me very pleasant. She seemed to be in the moment for those times too. But anyway, it's not like she had me totally and was bored or anything. She's clearly got issues in her head she's dealing with here.

 

I havn't broken NC. I did call her house, but it was not to speak with her. I am very good friends with her father and wanted to speak with him to let him know I had ended things with his daughter. But no one picked up the phone, so either no one was home or she was screening calls. Anyway, I won't be doing that again. I'll see her Dad some other time and we'll talk then.

 

I do wish I had played the "play hard to get" game though. After this experience, I'm convinced nice patient guys are simply people who don't know any better. Women want what they can't have. So like it or not, I have no choice but to play games in the future.

 

I haven't spoken with this girl since I sent the email. I imagine I might not ever. I hope I do. I hope I get another chance with her. But the only way to move forward is to let it go.

Posted

It sounds to me like you've finally began taking note of her behavior and taking stock of your own life :D.

 

You can read some of my other posts, I've been the nice guy way too many times and we do get screwed in the end. Something I've come to learn is some females are like predators. They will prey on your kindness and take it for weakness. I like being nice to the females I meet, but it's not always the best strategy. Standing by ppl you hardly know is not the best move. You have to put yourself first, second, third because they usually are. **** being that nice guy who stays around. Sometimes you have to leave ppl not because you want to but because you're forced to. Stay strong & if she is serious about you or wanting something with you, you'll know. For now, leave it be.

Posted

Can only agree with the posts. I had always though that being a nice genuine caring person was more than enough. Something I would always be proud that I am that way and somebody would really appreciate it. But now after another recent heartbreaking rejection, I am coming round to the fact that it just doesnt cut the mustard with "most" women anymore.

 

I am learned from previous relationships that I need to play it more cool, not be seen as needy or clingy. That is exactly what I did for a while with my latest experience.

All was well. However I then let my feelings go more, more affection etc. I mean I loved being with her and just wanted to see her as much as possible, why not show someone how much you care?? But once again as soon as I did this, she just didnt want to know, and ended the relationship.

 

Was she seeing me as being weak and needy and therefore lost her feelings?! Well it sucks to be honest. You simply cannot win, where do you draw the line anymore? I have become extremely disheartend by it now. I so want to believe that there is someone out there who will appreciate the kind of guy I am, but I am not so sure.

 

Maybe I do need to change my attitude, sod em, play the game! But thats just not me, we shall see I suppose.

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