Green Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Im going to say it all again and add a some in; 1)Little sisters are anoying theres a good chance you'd see some uglyness if they were your biological 18,20 and what ever year old sons; 2) Of course hes alot more likely to go to a football game then a hs Drama thing those are tortue even if he was the most loving father (which he probably isnt); 3) Your son is probably fat (not nice to say it) but true, didnt he promise to stop; finaly I think ur ignoring the true issues about how you treat him and he treats you, Now to step outside of this specific situation im just so disgusted by how people promise to stay togather for their entire life through thick and thin and then bam a problem and its like over. I just dont want to buy into peoples crap any more and it makes me sick to see people make a joke about mariage over every fricken thing. His kids are so old how can you even compare how u treat them to how he treats yours. if your kids were 18 and 20 and his 8 and 16 things probably would have been alot different... you dont give this man enough credit and you dont know how hard it is to get involved with a woman who has kids, I think id wrather burn then fall in love with a woman who has children
tinke Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 are you serious???? first, we are not speaking about an adolescent here, referring to "little sisters are annoying". this is an adult man who took on the responsibiliies (knowingly) of fostering additional children! again..it is not about him, nor what he likes (h.s. play), it is about supporting the children's dreams/hopes/ambitions. his physical presence would speak volumes to a child. who cares if he wants to be there! he should attend simply to show he cares and they are a part of a family unit...equally. in fact, HIS children should attend! doesn't mean a thing about the ages, an 18 or 20 yr. old would embrace acceptance as well. maybe, even more so, as they are entering into their individual adult lives. i'm guessing you have no children of your own, otherwise, this would make sense to you. what is your reaction when someone is rude to your mother? same thing, she is a loved one! only with children, a parent's role is to protect. and yes, he IS emotionally abusing them.
Green Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 are you serious???? first, we are not speaking about an adolescent here, referring to "little sisters are annoying". this is an adult man who took on the responsibiliies (knowingly) of fostering additional children! again..it is not about him, nor what he likes (h.s. play), it is about supporting the children's dreams/hopes/ambitions. his physical presence would speak volumes to a child. who cares if he wants to be there! he should attend simply to show he cares and they are a part of a family unit...equally. in fact, HIS children should attend! doesn't mean a thing about the ages, an 18 or 20 yr. old would embrace acceptance as well. maybe, even more so, as they are entering into their individual adult lives. i'm guessing you have no children of your own, otherwise, this would make sense to you. what is your reaction when someone is rude to your mother? same thing, she is a loved one! only with children, a parent's role is to protect. and yes, he IS emotionally abusing them. actualy I was talking about an adolescent finding his little sister anoying because she mention the mans children werent treating her daughter the way she wanted and she blamed her husband (i had cleary wrote the ages and the word sons up above).... and yes it is about what he likes because she was mad he didnt treat the kids equal using a football game as an example and I was pointing out she needs to throw that into the equation. Ages make a big difference his hurdles were alot greater then what his wife had to face and she gives no sympath toward that. She acts like Im so great with his kids or what ever but hes not with mine. Its alot easier to be great with an 18 year old guy who probably wants nothing to do with her then a 11 year old girl now 16 whose there all the time. Ah the I have no children response so this can posibly make sense to me... Good point, so if I dated a woman who did have children and she married me what is she suposed to expect from me father of the fricken year and finaly ur last comment made no sense you even answered your own question by saying its a completly different relationship. Most people who have step parents have some kind of strained relationship, its not very easy to be one, if ur there friend you get no respect, if you try to get them to do something ull inevitably get that famouse line yelled at you "your non my father, you cant tell me what to do" along with some profanities
Trialbyfire Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 KMT, stop trying to bring the emotional developing level of a child, to the same level as a grown man. No doubt you have no sympathy for children but then, you're not interested in women with children. You are a single, very young male, with only one thing in mind, in reference to the opposite gender. Your interests are purely self-interests.
Author kalena9488 Posted September 29, 2007 Author Posted September 29, 2007 Well everyone has their own opinions and that's great. It's a great thing to be free. Anyway, I didn't put this on here because I was relying on anyone to tell me what to do. It's my situation and I'm the one who sees it, & feels it everyday. I'm the one who can't live with it. And it's funny that someone brought up mothers becuase he also treats my mother ugly as well. To the point that she stopped coming around beause he was always so rude to her. I've made up my mind for me and my children another person might do something differently. KMT you forget I wrote that for the last 4 years of his sons HS football career I attended every single game. What's the difference?
Green Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 look I just feel that some times people get on here post something like Im dating a married man hes so mean blah blah blah. and then every one responds with hes sucha mean guy blah blah blah. I try to respond a little more indepth maybe with something like what do you expect. Now for your situation him being so rude to his mother in law that she refuse to come around just makes him my hero. I just dont buy into everything I read like when you were trying to point out how he didnt pay at dinner and wanted sex or what ever, I felt like so what, is that so bad... Hes saying he wants to work things out and Im sure there are things about you he doesnt find perfect... Im just saying there was a time in ur life were u thought this guy was your soulmate and now this... Look ur just going to do what you want...
tinke Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 well KMT i knew you meant the H's children may find them annoying. my point was that the husband is not an adolescent..he is an adult, so he should set the example. and the marriage is not with an adolescent, so why refer to them? and no, it doesn't matter if the H enjoys the event....just go for support! it is to build a loving rapport which trickles into the family unit as a whole. hehe, you tickle me.....when they married the H's children were adolescent yrs. do you think that is easier to relate to? to build a rapport? that is a very difficult task to undertake. my point being, the ages do not matter, they are the offspring of the other's and should command respect...mutual respect. yes, if you choose to become involved with a woman who has a child..without saying, you should strive to be frickin father of the year. by that i mean demonstrate respect, concern, love..in return you will receive honor. no greater gift from a child OF ANY AGE! my comparison to your mother was simply if you do not have children, then the next loved one i would guess, would be your mother. someone you care about then...how do you feel when someone disrespects them. it's not that complicated! i am guessing you are quite young. it would be one thing to write from a younger perspective, as with his children. but i does not appear you have the experience to know the depths of damage this kind of situation can have. PEACE TO YOU!
Trialbyfire Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 If you're unwilling or incapable of taking on a family, stay away from women with children. On the other hand, if you're a woman with children, put your childrens' needs before your own and look for a man who is capable and willing to take on a family.
StaringContest Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 I think id wrather burn then fall in love with a woman who has children If you go out with any women who have children, just share your views on step-parenting with them, and I doubt you'll have to make that choice.
Green Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 If you go out with any women who have children, just share your views on step-parenting with them, and I doubt you'll have to make that choice. first off if some girl asks me what kind of parent im going to make on the first date Your right I would dump them, thats moving a little fast
StaringContest Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 first off if some girl asks me what kind of parent im going to make on the first date Your right I would dump them, thats moving a little fast I never implied a girl would ask. I'm suggesting you volunteer the info for both her and her kids' benefit. I was implying that she'll probably drop you before you even have time to consider whether you'd rather fall in love with her or burn, as you put it.
Green Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 I dont know what you do on your dates but I have never discussed or plan to discuss my views on step parenting or anything else that has to do with the anoying topic of children. So you can go on your dates in the world where u talk about children, and parenting and a bunch of boring stuff and Ill go on my dates where I enjoy joking around and talking/having wild sex.... With that Im off to go clubbing down town soon where if some woman starts talking to me about children I will spill my drink on her
Mz. Pixie Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I dont know what you do on your dates but I have never discussed or plan to discuss my views on step parenting or anything else that has to do with the anoying topic of children. So you can go on your dates in the world where u talk about children, and parenting and a bunch of boring stuff and Ill go on my dates where I enjoy joking around and talking/having wild sex.... With that Im off to go clubbing down town soon where if some woman starts talking to me about children I will spill my drink on her Ummmm, okay. Like married people with children don't talk and have wild sex? WHATEVER The point is that they are married, not dating and he's a grown older man, not an immature guy in his early 20's who cannot conceive of having children. He knew she had them when she married him- it's not like they were a surprise.
StaringContest Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I dont know what you do on your dates but I have never discussed or plan to discuss my views on step parenting or anything else that has to do with the anoying topic of children. So you can go on your dates in the world where u talk about children, and parenting and a bunch of boring stuff and Ill go on my dates where I enjoy joking around and talking/having wild sex.... With that Im off to go clubbing down town soon where if some woman starts talking to me about children I will spill my drink on her My point seems to be lost on you. Lighten up, dude.
Green Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Great points I plan to live my life by them however long or short
Author kalena9488 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Okay, he called me today to help him with some flight information that I arranged for him before I left. I guess it might have been just a ploy to get me to talk to him. He is about an hour away on business and has asked for me to come up, have dinner and spend the night. He says we don't have to have sex but I'm sure that's why he wants me to come up. In a way I'm considering it. I know I'm not happy with him, and it doesn't all stem just from how he's treated my kids and my family. But, I haven't yet embraced the thought of moving on and possibly dating or finding someone new. It honestly scares me to death. I don't think I'm going to go to visit him but, the only reason is my daughter. She may be 17 but she doesn't like staying at home at night by herself. And I don't want to leave her alone. So, I may consider still seeing him now and then for a little sex but I'm not going to put my daughters safety after my thoughts of sexual gratification. Can I still be in love with him or am I just scared to move on?
Melovator Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 If you want to move on- then don't sleep with him (believe me I know!). Sure its scary to be alone but did you ever think that that fear was why you ended up with him in the first place? Better to be alone than to be with someone just because you don't want to be alone, otherwise you're just selling yourself short.
StaringContest Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 For your own sanity, either stay with him or let him go completely. Don't do the holding on just for sex bit. That just brings about all kinds of unnecessary complications. There are plenty of guys who'd be willing to just have no strings sex with you if that's what you're looking for. Can I still be in love with him or am I just scared to move on? Possibly some of both. But just because you love somebody doesn't mean you should be with them.
riobikini Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Kalena, move on. Stop wondering what makes him the way he is -you (and your children) have devoted enough time to that, already. Turn your back -and keep walking. For all your sakes. -Rio
Author kalena9488 Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 Well I've decided I don't want to go the hour or so away for a few reasons. I don't want to leave my daughter alone and I don't want to drive that far into work on Friday. Ever since I started considering his offer I've been miserable. I was feeling so much better before I heard from him. That tells me I need to cut off the communication and make him realize I have to move on for my sanity.
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 You're feeling miserable because your insides are telling you it's not the right thing to do ... Listen to your instincts. Stay away from him for a while, you will find the difference in yourself and your family. If you think it's a good difference, stay with it. If you feel it's not a good difference then do a rethink. But give it some time. Just my two bits .. Bobby
Mz. Pixie Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 As you continue to talk to him and have things to do with him you're telling your children that they are not as important as he is- as the two of you being together. That's what they get from this, no matter what you say. This reminds me of the mom who allowed her husband to molest her kids but then when they were older and out of the house went back to dating him. :sick: She was on Oprah, as well as one of her grown sons.
marlena Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I know I'm not happy with him, and it doesn't all stem just from how he's treated my kids and my family. But, I haven't yet embraced the thought of moving on and possibly dating or finding someone new. It honestly scares me to death. Kalena, I guess i had missed an episode or two! When I first read your thread I admired your determination and resolve to remove yourself from the misery this man has caused you and your children. Moving on, Kalena, does not mean dating or finding someone new...on the contrary, it could be the worst thing to do right now. Focus on getting strong and in so doing make your children srong and proud of you. Though I understand the loneliness you may feel, seeing him will only provide instant gratification . It will only assuage your loneliness for a bit ...and not soon after, you will feel even worse ... Where children are involved, we do not have the luxury to give into our whims and impulses...if in the long run it hurts us and in turn hurts them. Judging from your posts, you are a lot stronger and more independent than you think. I know you will do what's best for all concerned.
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