Trialbyfire Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 I agree. Booty call. Let's look at the best case scenario. He likes you but doesn't want to appear needy. The question is, do you want a guy who has to play games like this? If a guy really likes you, he's there. He'll call you morning, noon and night because he can't get you off his mind.
sb129 Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Just as an aside- who goes swimming that late at night? Are you in Florida?
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Let's look at the best case scenario. He likes you but doesn't want to appear needy. The question is, do you want a guy who has to play games like this? Great point. Even the best case scenario ain't so great.
Author spookie Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 Texas. This is the way I see it. I don't want a relationship with ANYONE unless there are no mind games of ANY kind involved and we are completely into each other. While that may be unrealistic, I LIKE being single right now so I don't see the point of settling for anything less. I am enjoying my time with this guy. Whatever we have now suits me just fine. It's FUN, something I lacked in my life entirely for the past 3 years. I truly would not be jealous if he found a girlfriend to commit to tomorrow. All that would mean is that he wasn't that into me in the first place, and that's a requirement of mine before I can be into HIM. If he's not into be, that's fine because I am still getting what I want out of this, which is someone to bounce my ideas off of and to party with. This may be a sudden departure from my previous obsessiveness over this guy, but last night I realized I enjoyed just being myself, autonomous, independent, and un-needy, and that I don't want to actively pursue a relationship with anyone right now.
oppath Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Hmmm. Tell us more about this dude. Is he a graduate student? If so, I can understand his laissez-faire attitude. But don't kid yourself, you want someone who makes more concrete plans with you. By virtue of your post, you have revealed you can be hurt by him, because you were fretting and feelings bad. I don't necessarily think he only wants sex or doesn't respect you. And if what you say is true, that he has initiated 100% so far, he might be waiting for you to make some moves too. Next time, call him. Don't sit and be passive. If you are unsure what your plans are, call him and say "so what's the story with tonight?" Take charge of this relationship. Women who take charge appear to be played slightly less than those who sit back -- it still happens -- but don't sit around waiting for him and then guessing about his intentions. If you give some effort back, you will know how he stands more clearly.
Author spookie Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 We're both undergrads. The more I think about it, the more I realize that he is not who I want. I would like to be friends though. I think we could be pretty good friends.
fray718 Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 We're both undergrads. The more I think about it, the more I realize that he is not who I want. I would like to be friends though. I think we could be pretty good friends. Just friends, or fwb? Next time u see or talk to him, u should let your intentions be known. Who knows, maybe the fact that u just want to be friends might make him want you more
shadowplay Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 ^It seems like you have a pattern of falling for/idealizing a guy and then quickly getting disillusioned/losing interest. You jump into things too fast. You need to take things slowly in the future so you can actually get to know somebody before you decide whether they're right for you and not let your emotions get the better of you.
Krytie TV Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Spookie, I'll be brief. I'm getting that you are changing your "wants" to fit your situation. We both know that you don't want a guy that just wants to have sex with you and not treat you with respect. If you argue, I'd call you a liar. You say you just want to have fun and have the kind of relationship you want to have. But again, you want a relationship with someone who respects you and your time. You're fooling yourself if you think you can either just have fun having sex with this guy or get him to act in a way that is anything more than adolescent booty call behavior. The bottom line is how much of your pride you're willing to give up to have fun with this guy, for as long as he wants it to happen. Spook, you sound very confused. Your opinions and wants seem to change daily if my memory serves correctly. I would just advise whatever behaviors you choose to partake in, don't do anything that you can't walk away from later. That is, don't accept mistakes, whether it be unsafe sex or whatever. Learn what you want, just be safe and smart along the way. I know what it is to be incredibly confused about your wants.
Fallen_Angel Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 The bottom line is how much of your pride you're willing to give up to have fun with this guy, for as long as he wants it to happen. Well said indeed. You deserve a guy who wants to have fun on YOUR terms too.
Timberlane Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 The thing about casual relationships is that we don't expect them to be of much lesser quality, we just expect not to have to put as much into them. But you get out what you put in. So expect more of the same from such arrangements. I think history has proven my point to me plenty of times.
uniqueone Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 We hung out until about 4 in the morning, just talking and playing, and then I spent the night. Semi-sex... there was intercourse but only for a couple of seconds. Semi-sex???? So does that mean you can only get semi-pregnant from it? (Or get a semi-STD?) Speaking of this here "semi" sex.....what exactly did you get out of that anyway? I don't know of any women who get much out of a couple of seconds.
Author spookie Posted September 29, 2007 Author Posted September 29, 2007 Spookie, I'll be brief. I'm getting that you are changing your "wants" to fit your situation. We both know that you don't want a guy that just wants to have sex with you and not treat you with respect. If you argue, I'd call you a liar. You say you just want to have fun and have the kind of relationship you want to have. But again, you want a relationship with someone who respects you and your time. You're fooling yourself if you think you can either just have fun having sex with this guy or get him to act in a way that is anything more than adolescent booty call behavior. The bottom line is how much of your pride you're willing to give up to have fun with this guy, for as long as he wants it to happen. Spook, you sound very confused. Your opinions and wants seem to change daily if my memory serves correctly. I would just advise whatever behaviors you choose to partake in, don't do anything that you can't walk away from later. That is, don't accept mistakes, whether it be unsafe sex or whatever. Learn what you want, just be safe and smart along the way. I know what it is to be incredibly confused about your wants. You're totally right that I'm confused. I'm at a point in my life where I can see the truth in everything. I can convince myself ten different ways on this kind of stuff. Anyway, yesterday, a couple of hours after my last post, he called to see if I wanted to come over and play Guitar Hero. I went, with the intention of calling "it" off, but when I brought up all the issues I've mentioned here with him he was incredulous at the conclusions I drew. He told me that he wasn't looking for a FWB with me, that he liked me and he didn't want to play mind games, and that he felt that he'd been "good" so far at pursuing me romantically and not pushing me physically. Regarding the last minute phone calls, he did bring up that on each of those days he DID make plans with me several days earlier, and that he'd never had any intention of breaking them. He also explained that heI ended up deciding to trust him somewhat, although I won't have sex with him anymore. (And everyone who brought it up, you're right, it was unsafe and really stupid. For what it's worth, it was my fault, not his). We ended up spending another great day together. We played video games, went out to eat, came back and watched a movie, went to a bar with some friends and then went swimming. I slept over but nothing happened. This morning, he said he'd call me soon.
Krytie TV Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Just remember some guys will say anything, and some are very good at it. *cough* At any rate, just make sure his actions are what you pay more attention to. It's very easy to ignore patterns that would be unavoidable to someone on the outside. For example, if he doesn't call soon, that's a pattern you need to pay attention to.
Author spookie Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Just wanted to give you guys a small update. We've been hanging out almost every day (and on the days we don't he calls). We still haven't had sex; when we got close one night he said he we should stop because it would be better if we waited. He later explained that he tends to "lose respect" for girls that put out too fast even though he knows it's hypocritical, and he wanted to make sure that didn't inadvertently happen with me because he liked me. So, I'm going to guess that I'm not just a potential booty call. We have so much in common, have a such a fun time together, and he reads me so well that it's hard for me not to start falling for him. I definitely have some hang-ups about being emotionally exposed but he is both patient and encouraging. I'm trying to take it emotionally slowly, though, without being completely shut-off. My last relationship taught me that it's unwise to fall in love with the wrong person.
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