SuperHands Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Ok my ex has texted me tonight and notified me that she has changed her birthday party date to end of October. It was a generic text, the kind that is sent to alot of people, so it's not a personal request just a notification. I intend to not go as I do not want to see her and she'll inevitably have her new boyfriend there who will obviously shower her with attention and there will be me thinking 'god i wish I was her boyfriend still, i'd be doing that right now' etc. So as far as I am concerned, i'm not going, it'll put me back to day one. We've not agreed on any official NC. We don't talk much, just once a fortnight or something and never about our relationship. I'm fairly sure she knows how badly I am feeling about it all and is probably expecting/hoping for me not to go. Anyway, the dilemma is, shall I tell her the truth of why I am deciding not to go and ask for official NC or just make my excuses at the time or simply ignore it and not go at all. I doubt it will upset her much anyway, as she never loved me and has obviously already moved on.
LakesideDream Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Send her a nice birthday card. How to Hallmark and buy something nice, and non romantic, kittens if she likes kittens etc. Sign it something like: I couldn't let your birthday pass without wishing you well.... Mission accomplished.
niceguy27 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I know how you feel. My ex's b-day is coming up too. If her new guy is there, definite no on going. The card?? Tough call. I don't know if I will send one or not. If you do, I would mail it. And dont bring up NC. Just do it and put the ball in your court. If she knows how you feel, there is nothing more you can do. Good luck. And anyone else who is faced with the whole b-day, what did you do?
CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Don't say or do anything. Simply let her birthday pass by like a ship in the night. Trust me on this one.
jerbear Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Don't send a card or say a thing on your ex's bday.
oppath Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I agree, NC is no contact. If you tell her "it's too soon for us to be friends, please give me some space and don't contact me inviting me to things like this," while it is an ASSERTIVE request, can only lead to drama, as she likely won't understand or say something belittling to you. Most definitely she'd violate the boundary by replaying. The best thing to do is let it pass. Do nothing. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling my ex, when she invited me to a party, "it is too soon for this." All it did was unleash a fury of hurt on me. I've always prided myself in acting assertive and expressing my boundaries. If there is one area to just be passive aggressive, it is with an ex. Even if you try to be polite, too much damage can occur, as she can really invalidate your emotions because it is doubtful that she knows the damage she did.
Aintayankee Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 If you do tell her why, she will probably forget the next minute. You can text her wishing her happy birthday on the day. It is her day to celebrate, and I dunno why she would invite you. If she doesn't give a sh** if you die tommarrow, then you don't need to explain yourself, just ignore her and don't speak with her. If she tries to talk to you about it, just be silent. You don't need to explain yourself, she won't understand. If she doesn't need you, then you don't need to be there. Don't give her any excuse, she already knows why, cause she is shredding your heart, or already did so. That is my advice. Good luck.
Curious139 Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 I know how you feel. My ex's b-day is coming up too. If her new guy is there, definite no on going. The card?? Tough call. I don't know if I will send one or not. If you do, I would mail it. And dont bring up NC. Just do it and put the ball in your court. If she knows how you feel, there is nothing more you can do. Good luck. And anyone else who is faced with the whole b-day, what did you do? Snap! I'm facing my exs birthday on 9 October. I already know what you guys think - NC = NC. Despite that I'm going to send her a card and have flowers delivered - but no email. She lives in Australia so no risk of me seeing her. I've chewed this over. It would be unmannered of me to not acknowledge her birthday and out of character. Perhaps those are reasons not to - get her thinking/worried? What do you think?
Diplok Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 I have always known that I am way too nice to people that don't deserve it but I gather from this forum that I am not alone. A couple of months ago, before I read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and before I joined this forum and read posts by guys like "CaliGuy" I probably would have told you to buy her a card, or to give her a call and wish her well. The new me thinks you should stop thinking about her birthday immediately, don't do absolutely anything. The word "ex" should ring loudly in your mind whenever you think of doing something nice for her. And what is offical NC? Hmmmm?? You feel the need to notify her...why? You don't need her approval for anything. You are in control, not her. You don't need to notify her of NC. Just do it. Let her deal with her emotions on her own. My guess is that if you do notify her of NC, it's because you hope that by telling her, she will react by asking you not to. P.S. Not trying to be harsh or rude, just giving you a little push brother.
Author SuperHands Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 I wouldn't say she doesn't care about me. She wouldn't want to hurt me, but she wouldn't miss me if I wasn't there. But yeah you are right. Contacting her to ask for no contact will result in 3 possible outcomes. 1. She doesnt respond 2. She says ok 3. She asks why and doesnt want that The first two would leave me feeling that she doesnt care in which i'll feel hurt. The 3rd will leave me feeling that she wants me around and thus give me a false sense of her wanting me back. It'll be almost impossible not to think about her birthday as nearly all of my mates will be going (including my house mates). So i plan to get away that weekend and so something else to take my mind off it. Thanks again guys. I know what i must do now.
Bosiell Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Hey super Any room for me on this boat?! My exs birthday is next week. So read this post with interest. Mixed reaction on the card issue. I had intended to send one, nothing to heavy, and just post it, No intenton of seeing her etc. Although I am in nc with her and yeah I prob should not being sending a card, a still will. Its still very early in the break up and just cannot igonore this, just the way I am. She obviously knows how you feel about her. There is no question in my mind that you shouldnt go to this party. If you havent already said anything to her, just say that you have something else planned and cant make it. It makes no odds whether she believes you or not. I dont see asking for NC with her is really necessary. You need to initiate that yourself I believe. She will soon enough get the message and understand.
niceguy27 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 just wanted to know how you guys fared on your exs b day? did you send a card or even acknowledge it?
Pentula77 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Don't say or do anything. Simply let her birthday pass by like a ship in the night. Trust me on this one. Here is your answer...
niceguy27 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 there were a couple people on here that had anex b day just pass. i was curious to see what happened.
Biker2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I agree w/ CaliGuy and Pentula...don't do a thing.
niceguy27 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 i asked what transpired with them. curiousity isnt against the law on here is it? mine was today and i did my best to not do anything and got through accomplishing that.
ahah2322 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 let it pass without a ripple. it will be best if you not do anything about it. no cards, no text messages...
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