crystal01b Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 My problem is that I have issues with my boyfriend talking to a couple of different girls on the phone. The first one lives in another state and he used to have a huge crush on this girl. They have slept in the same bed together but nothing physical has ever happened between them. She never reciprocated his feelings but still liked the attention he gave her. He said he liked her because he liked to joke with her, flirt with her and drink with her. Last year he saw her again after not seeing her for about 6 months and all his feelings came back for her (this was before we started dating). For a long time in our relationship he stopped talking to her because I told him it would make me feel more comfortable if they didn't. Just recently however we broke up for awhile and during this time he started talking to her again. Only to find out her boyfriend and her broke up and she is moving up to the same state he lives. He told me he only stopped talking to her because he didn't want to piss me off but that it upset him that he wasn't allowed to talk to her. He felt that I was trying to control him. The other girl lives alot closer to him and they have had a sexual relationship in the past but have never dated. They have been best friends for about 12 years. I didn't feel comfortable with him talking to her because when they did hang out all they would do was go out drinking together. It also bugs me because I feel like she likes getting alot of attention from him as well. Does being like this make me seem controling, crazy, insecure??? I don't know what to do or how to handle the situations. It hurts me that he talks to them and just completely ignores my feelings but at the same time I think maybe what I think doesn't make any sense. I would appreciate any input anyone has. Thank you!
Aintayankee Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Evolution is at work. Females don't like when their man has emotional affairs with women. A guy doesn't really mind what guys his woman talks to, as long as she is physically near him (her talkin on the phone or internet or neighbor). It is one way guys stray to another female, and females need their man to provide for them and the offspring, so the jealous ones had a better time keeping a mate around.
amber1 Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 If he really wants anything worthwhile with you then he should stop talking to these other girls. He doesn't like you enough to let them go. Now, if these other girls were JUST friends with him and nothing else, then that would be fine. But one girl he still has feelings for and the other he has had a sexual relationship with in the past. It is good you notice he doesn't care about your feelings. I think you have every right to be concerned about this, but you have mentioned to him to stop talking to these girls before and he has disregarded you. I wouldn't stay in a relationship with him if I were you.
norajane Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Your bf is emotionally attached to these girls, and he gets a flattering ego boost by their attention. No, he's not going to want to give that up. Maybe if he were older and more committed to you, he might be willing to moderate his interactions with them to respect your feelings. Maybe he'd be more willing to include you in these friendships so you're not on the outside while he goes off drinking with one of them. But, he's not at that stage. If it's not something you can handle, then you really only have one choice - to leave him. You can stay with him, but then you have to accept he's going to continue his relationships with them.
oppath Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 If my girlfriend wanted me not to talk to someone from my past, I'd take issue with it, BUT I'd compromise before it got to that point. I'd make sure the people from my past knew I was happy and in a relationship. I'd keep conversation sparse, every couple months. If I were to see them in person, my gf would be invited along with me. You may be a bit insecure or jealous. Can you describe the frequency of his contact with them? Are they aware of his relationship with you?
Author crystal01b Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 Thank you all for your responses so far. The first girl I mentioned who lives in another state he stopped talking to altogether for seven months while we were together. They just recently started talking to each other again when we broke up for a period of time. All I know is that they talked once but I am sure it was more than that he just won't tell me. The other girl who he was best friends with stopped talking to him for about 6 months because she was in a relationship with another guy who didn't want her talking to him. She started contacting him again when they broke up. I think they talk once or twice a week. Both girls know that mine and his relationship has been kind of rocky. In fact they both know that he stopped talking to them because of me and both of them told him he should break up with me. I had an ex boyfriend I was talking to and when his gf showed that she would rather us not talk anymore I stopped talking with him. I think it's a form of respect but It seems like most girls don't seem to think so. He has told me that he will do what's right by me. He knows I don't feel comfortable with him talking to them but he told me he doesn't want to give him any rules that he can't talk to them. I wonder if I just stop mentioning it if he will just stop talking to them? Let at the same time I am not sure is feelings are there anymore with me other then he told me he does love me and wants a relationship with me. I am just confused.
norajane Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 In fact they both know that he stopped talking to them because of me and both of them told him he should break up with me.Double standards, eh? Because: The other girl who he was best friends with stopped talking to him for about 6 months because she was in a relationship with another guy who didn't want her talking to him. She started contacting him again when they broke up. So the girl respects the wishes of her bf when he wants her to stop flirting with other guys, but she won't respect your wishes in the same situation. And neither does your bf respect your concerns. Is this the kind of relationship you've always wanted, always dreamed of, always hoped you'd have one day? Or is this kind of relationship exactly what you never wanted?
Recommended Posts