What do you do if a guy you like, likes you back, but is scared to enter a relship?

[LadyLocks]

I dated a guy, we fancied each other, got on and had a lot of fun, worked great on paper - I was so happy. But he suddenly did what guys do and went cold; he told me he was scared and liked me too much and was too comfy with me if anything, but was insanely busy with work (I can vouch for that) and in the little spare time he has, not ready to stop being selfish and meeting other people (he's quite new in town, setting up his life here).

 

I can't get him out of my head and out from under my skin. After 4 months silence & knowing how I felt about him, he got in touch to see how I was, find out what I'm up to, offer a vague apology for his bad behaviour, tell me about his upcoming party which I can expect an invite to.

 

Does anyone out there have any idea what I can do? Is there a way of working this one/a way of communicating with him? Shall I leave him to do the chasing if and when he's ready? Or send him an honest but light-hearted e-mail?

 

should just add that I really, truly believe this guy liked me. After going silent on me the first time (for 2 weeks), we bumped into each other (so very random) in a bar in London one evening. He was so pleased to see me and explained all about how he was feeling, why he was scared and not ready etc. I, in turn, felt sure and comfy enough to tell him how much I liked him and we agreed to give a relationship a go. The next day, he withdrew again.

[garnet]

LL,

 

I'm not sure about going to the party or not. But, given the fact that he withdrew on you twice, I would not make myself too available. You don't want to just jump every time it suits him.

 

If he hasn't done anything to make you think he's changed his mind, it seems like going to the party would only be painful for you.

 

In the event that he has changed his mind, I think he needs to do more than just invite you to a party. I don't see the harm in responding to his email in a polite way...but I would not be overly forthcoming about my feelings or seem too eager.

 

The fact that he said he's not ready to "stop meeting other people" makes me wonder if he's the type of guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too. You don't want to end up as the back burner girl. Good luck. I'm sure you're a real prize...and he needs to realize that.

[Nagini]

Pop over to the party, stay for a few minutes, be light hearted, say you had a brilliant time and then poof.

do not stay at party and hang all over him.

[Trialbyfire]

While you may like him a lot, it doesn't matter. He's treating you like a convenience with not much remorse. It's time to realize that if you continue being a doormat, it enables his behaviour towards you.

 

Walk away. Words are easy. This guy isn't the one.

[Aintayankee]

Be careful if you pursue, he is a flight risk. But you could be a hardcore starfish. At yours or his house when you have time off, give him a hug, and don't let go for like all day. Latch on and make him pry you off of him. Show him tons of affection. Tuck your head under his chin or against his neck, mabye kiss on him a little, but stay latched like a starfish. Talking might scare him, but holding onto him could work.