janedoe123 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Ok, I've posted before, but no real responses. My story is something like i dated someone for a long time and we broke up - over a year ago. We have had many encounters where we miss each other and have a great time together and really enjoy each others company - he often tells me these things and we start spending time together, then out of no where he says he can't do it anymore. Last week (after going a few weeks NC) we started talking again and it felt great. We were both getting feelings back and he admitted that he has never been happier than when he is with me. This week he told me we can't see each other anymore because he knows if we keep spending time together that we will end up back together, and that's not what he wants - please help me figure out what this means? Anyway, so I feel like I've hit the lowest of lows. I don't want to move on without him, I don't want him out of my life. At one point I thought NC with him was best so I did it - but I can't imagine not talking to him anymore. I feel sick to my stomach and don't even want to get out of bed. I cry all the time and feel like I can't even pull myself together. I have gone crazy - telling him things that I shouldn't be saying - just trying to grasp at anything and hold on to him. I read into everything he says, and hope that when he says things like "I miss you" that he really wants to be with me again .... I need help. I know it was so wrong for him to come in and out of my life every time he wants to, messing with my emotions like he does. It's not fair - yet I don't want to be without him? Maybe I need to start getting mad at what he has been doing to me instead of feeling sad? It's been over a year of this hell and I cant keep doing this to myself or I'll never be happy .... I just don't know where to start. I look at what is happening and think things will never get better. I used to think that 'every day will get a little better' .... but now it feels like I am in this deep dark hole that I will never crawl out of. I am just being completely honest here because I need all the help I can get. I've heard a million times that everything happens for a reason, and things will get better, I just can't see that happening right now ... and if it will get better, it seems like it is going to be the hugest struggle of my entire life to let him go and move on. If someone can please help me and comment on the things I have written that would be great, I want personal experiences about the pain and torture you've gone through and how doing certain things made it get better for you .... if someone has a simliar story, also that would be welcome .... I'm afraid for my health, and my life right now ....
Spinderella Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Its what happens when you continue spending lots of time together after the break up. Allow new things to come into your life, and give up on the things you should have let go of ages ago.
SuperHands Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Ok i know how you feel. I've been there and survived. It's not to do with a relationship, but was still a terrible time in my life. I didn't have a very happy shool life. I was constantly bullied and became one of the uncool kids who always ended up being the one who the practical jokes were played on. Obviously this went on for years and I became so low at one point I was seriously considering ending it all. I even sat down to write a goodbye letter to my parents, which very quickly turned into a letter for 'help'. From that point on, it got better, because I had taken action. I then talked to people about my problems. My parents and professional helpers and I slowly recovered. I got back to normality and had a life. I've been building confidence ever since, although i still have along way to go. I know how you feel when you are so low. You feel that there is no way out and that the future is so dark you will never be happy again. Well that's scary and causes you to go even lower. Have faith that things WILL get better. You've just got to take some action. Coming on here and posting is a good start. Talking about it and getting it off your chest will do you wonders. But most importantly, stop torturing yourself and end it with this guy. Move forward. It'll be hard, but worth it in the end! Big hugs.
Bosiell Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Very sorry to hear about your situation jane. He says that he has never been happier than when hes with you. But then says that he doesnt to get back together? Needless to say that simply does not add up? He surely must have given you some reasons as to why you cannot be together. If not then you must talk to him. If he wont give you a genuine reason then it is a very unfair situation you are in. It certainly is not fair the way he is playing with your emotions, he should not be saying anything to you unless he truly means it, because he must be seeing the way you are feeling. It will be very hard Jane. But you must start thinking of moving on from this. Seek help and comfort from friends and family. You have posted on this site, this will also help. Seek motivational material. Although at this time it seems impossible, you will find a light in the tunnel. You must find security within yourself. You will get through this if you believe. My thoughts are with you, take care..
tinke Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 read the book obsessive love...you will find some answers. if you re-read your post, sounds like an addiction. the contact you keep with him, keeps the fuel going..the withdrawal down.
Aintayankee Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 My one and only gf (4 months; summer between 7th and 8th grade. Started in May, ended in September) Got me good. She was one year ahead, so finally when I was a freshmen like in the fall, I couldn't take anymore. I would see her around, and wanted so bad to stand next to her and just be with her, but obviously I was more of a stranger, that repelled her kinda. She didn't want me. I dunno how, but came to a point where, when I wasn't talking to her, I would feel nervous inside, and kinda sick. Actually like a physical manifestation, real tense and shaking a little. I stopped sitting with my friends most of that week. I just sat bymyself. She saw me and came to ask why I was sitting there alone, I told her I was really nervous. She asked why, I told her I'm not sure. Then she said hope you feel better and left. Unbearable stress. I went to the counselor to find out why. The couseler asked me if I still had feelings for her, and thats when the tears came. I never spoke with her, yet thought and stressed all day, every day for like over a week. Maybe two. I don't remember anything else, it very gradually faded. Dunno how. Can't remember.... To respond to your situation, maybe you could ask him why he doesn't want things to be good again and y'all be together. Just keep calm and don't argue, use a soft voice, those baby eyes help. Tell him you will probably have a heartattack from the stress, and that you need him, but be dignified about it. Then tell him anytime he thinks of you, you will be thinking of him, and tell him he can ALWAYS hang out with you, even when you are both 80 years old. A kiss on the cheek will top it off and get him feeling. It would be painful on your end I suppose. Maybe get into philosophy. That's what I did. I was so confused, and wanted to understand. I still don't really, but I sorted out things in my head better. It really helps some people with their life.
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