sally_ann Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I got married 5 months ago. I have been with DH for over 8 years. In those 8 years we had our ups and downs. In the early years, i did have a lot of insecurities and doubts... but as we headed into a more mature relationship with a clear path to the future... i began to totally trust him and feel very confident in the relationship. as i am suspicious by nature and i had developed bad habits...i continued to snoop on him over the years...which served to confirm my feelings that i had nothing to worry about. getting engaged was a VERY big deal for him. i think it was INCREDIBLY stressful for him to accept letting go of his single life and knowing that he could only be with one person for the rest of his life. but he loves me and wants a life with me...and did propose. about a month before our wedding, he went to a conference through his work. he stayed at a hotel for two nights. without going into ALL the details... i found out...through snooping that he got involved in a dicey situation. the long and the short of it is that though he was sharing a room with a friend, he booked his own hotel room on the second night of the conference. he has told me it is because his friend had hooked up and suggested that he get his own room. this sounds reasonable but there are other things that happened at the conference that make me doubt it. for example, i know that he was hanging out with an attractive younger girl and his friend cautioned him to be mindful of his conscience (text message on cell phone). i found this all out through snooping so he wasn't up front with me about it. we talked about it for a long time...and though there were some inconsistencies in the story... i felt 100% confident that nothing physical happened between him and this girl. i i REALLY believe nothing happened...so, please dont respond by saying "maybe something did" ... because that will just feed my insecurities and i know that nothing did. though i will never know for sure if he booked the room because of his friends request or because he had hoped to use it with this girl. i have to accept that i will never know that. because it caused me so much pain and i KNOW that he loves me... i really believe that if i had major reason for concern, he'd confess because he hates the way all this made me feel. all i know is that in the weeks that followed this event and leading up to the wedding i felt totally confident that nothing happened and that he was committed to me. however, after the wedding, honeymoon...etc. and we began to move on with normal life... the paranoia and panic came back to me. i have even tried to talk to him about it again... but i really get the sense that if he had anything to feel guilty about he's even blocked it from his own mind because he just can't seem to acknowledge that he even had any negative intent. i mean...it may have just been a passing thought that ultimately he couldn't go through with... or maybe the girl wasn't really interested and ultimatley he was glad nothing happened. i just can't know. i love him...and he loves me. and i dont' believe he'd marry me knowing he couldn't be faithful. i guess the problem is i have doubts in myself and my appearance and whether i'm attractive to my husband. i know that my weight is an issue for him and i'm constantly working on it...but i still feel insecure. on top of that, he's a really social guy and occassionally goes on trips with friends - i.e. stags etc. - he may even go to mexico for a friend's stag in the spring...we've BOTH travelled with our friends before and I also know he's never cheated on one of those trips. i want SO BADLY to just move on from all of this and forgive and forget whatever he thought... but i worry that i'll spend my whole life worrying... i guess i'm just not sure what to do.
norajane Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 i guess the problem is i have doubts in myself and my appearance and whether i'm attractive to my husband. He would not have married you if he weren't attracted to you. He just would not have done that. And he wouldn't have been with you for 8 years before marrying you - he'd have walked away while you were dating if he stopped being attracted to you. Don't let your insecurities ruin your marriage.
Recommended Posts