mattie84 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 this is my first post on here, but reading some of the others has been helpful So, i split up with my bf of 5 years in April this year - he had moved away cos of his job and it was a long distance thing for 2 years. he siad that 'we weren't moving forwards' so he broke it off, but we both said that we still loved each other and that we didn't know what the future might hold for us as you can imagine i was devastated for ages and it was really tough, cos the majority of my mates are also his so it felt like i was putting them in an awkward position. in August he got together with someone else, although said that it was nothing serious. but even so i was gutted and felt like any hope of us getting back together was over. i saw him a few weeks later and we had a chat, basically we were each others 'first's' and i was sad that that wasn't the case anymore, that he was kinda 'damaged goods', which upset him loads things have been wierd for ages, it's like we're not completley broke up, but we're not together. part of me feels that i don't trust him and that he is trying to play games with me, but then the other part couldn't care less and just wants him back. I'm trying to play it cool at the min, NC and trying to keep myself busy, but still everynight i end up looking at my phone expecting a text to say goodnight, like i got for 5 years. it's eating me up, i'm really miserable without him and honestly can't see myself with anyone else. I really want to get back with him....any suggestions or advice? M xXx
Aintayankee Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Well, tell him you need him and might have a heartattack from the stress. Do this calmly and dignified. Use a soft voice, and look at him with those baby doll eyes. Ask him if you can hold him for a while, then if he says ya, then stand there, and hug him with your elbows curled under his arms and forearms up behind his shoulder blades and hands curled back hanging on to collar bone joint on top of shoulder. Just do that and look into his eyes and keep your faces close to one anothers, or rest your head on his neck/ tuck it under his chin. Do this and don't let go until the prys you off of him. Starfish tactic. Be calm and affectionate, and it should go smoothly. Anytime you get the chance, hug him goodbye and latch on like a starfish. It might work, at least he will know you care about him.
sanyy Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Sad to hear this from you.. I had gone through the same a year back. It was 1 year relationship with him. EA . same good night texts every night.. I too still find those texts every night.. No. he might not come back.. Just maintain NC how much ever you could do.. It works sometime. Will pray for you. Take care. Hope, he would come back to you..
marsbars Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I would agree with keeping NC but does he know how you feel and has he really told you how he feels. I have separated from my wife of 12 years, the divorce papers are filed just trying to negotiate. All her idea by the way. I don't want it. But I was as NC as possible, we have a daughter to think about. But I gave her space, and after a while I couldn't handle it anymore. So I wrote her a letter, not that we are that far apart, just across town. But for me the written word is a much easier way to express my ideas and emotions. I would suggest writing it down, let it pour out and give it to him and ask him to do the same. It might hurt in the end but you won't spend agonizing nights waiting for a text. By the way my route has worked, we are talking a little more, and starting some therapy together next week. I don't know if things will work out but I pray every night that we can work together, that I can change for the better and that she will see that I am the same wonderful person she fell in love with. I say tell it like it is and see.
norajane Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Does he still live in another city, and is he still dating his new girlfriend that he started dating in August? If so, you already know your answer - there's no point in trying to get back together. I know it's sad when your relationship with your first love ends, but there is more out there for you. You just have to let him go first, really let him go. And don't play his back-up! If he's keeping you on the string in case he doesn't find someone better...well, do you really want to be his fall-back girl?
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