Ohio_isforLovers Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Well im in desperate need in help! I can ask my friends but i feel like they wouldnt understand. Well over the summer me and my girlfriend of over 3 years. We pratically went threw high school together well now that were out. She wanted to take a break during the summer. I knew that things wasnt right cause breaks never work. Its jsut an easy way of letting go. Well i was upset i told her "why would you wanna do this to us! Everthing was so perfect! We never got into arguments or anything both of our family liked each other and knew each other pretty well" Well i found out that she was unhappy with the relationship. Which i didnt understand so i let it go. I went ahead with the break and like i kept asking her to hang out and stuff but she kept insisting on the break that we were in. I kept questioning her reasons on why and things started escalating pretty badly where she called me one evening and said that i dont want this break anymore. This crushed me pretty bad coming from the girl that i loved and gave my all too. The girl that told me that she never in her life wanted to hurt me in any possible way and that she wanted to marry me because she felt that i was the one. By the way shes my nieghboor she lives right in front of me. Well later on the summer we kinda drifted away from each other i was frustrated with her. Pissed at the fact that shes acting like a complete diffrent person in my point of view. Well she started liking somebody else and i got even more frustrated. The fact that how would you do this, go out and start liking someone and wanting to get in a relationship with them after you been in a deep relationship with someone. Like it happend on August. Well at this point i let go of all my emotions of her and tryed to move on with my life. I focused on school cause i was entering to college. Well a month passed and she was still in the back of my head. She would IM when i was online and i would say hi and sign off. I didnt understand why she would wanna talk to me... Well i came to find out that the guy she liked went back out with his ex gf. Inside of me i felt so happy thinking that maybe this is a good sign for me. She seemed sad for what happened. I didnt understand because thats what she did to me go for someone else. Thinking she would be like "WHOA i did this to that kid!" well i guess not... I started talking to her now that the guy was out of her life for good. Well thats where im at right now. We started hanging out and talking alot now. I made her laugh alot and tryed to make her happy when im with her to possibly show her what shes missing out or spark something. Well last night i called her and it was a normal conversation with the normal "hey! hows it going?" routine. Well i asked her if she wanted to chill and she was like i cant got homework and stuff. I was like okay and asked her to call me when she was done. This is when things got ugly.... She told me i hope you dont get any ideas. I was like what!?! What are you talking about? She was like were not going out or something like that.. I was like yeah i know.. I said "i told you when your ready to date or to go on a date that you would tell me" She was like "yeah okay... but the thing is that i danno if were gonna be able to go out again" Im like "what?" Shes like "i danno if we are if it happens it happens" I was done with the conversation and so was she... WRAP- UP Well basically im asking the LS community to help me out.. BIG TIME.. I dont want to lose this girl out of my life. I feel like shes really confused in what happend in her little situation. Well im not rushing her or anything to going out with her again. I told her that when shes ready she would tell me. The past three days we talked non stop threw Text, Phone, and in-person. To try to show her who i really am and to get to miss me. Now im not gonna call her or try to talk to her. Im gonna wait till she calls me and or txt me and ill try to keep the conversation brief. I danno i really love this girl and everything. Like i said i dont want to lose her and i cant be jsut freinds with her and get heart aches when im around her... Please help me in my situation FOLKS! If you need anymore info on anythign ill be glad to say...
amaysngrace Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 She treats you this way because she knows she has you wrapped around her finger. She doesn't want to be with you yet she doesn't want to be alone. That's a pretty crappy way to be viewed by someone you care about. Do Not contact her. When she contacts you keep it brief like you said you would. "Is everything okay? Good. I can't talk right now but I'm glad everything's okay. Bye". She can't miss you if you don't go away so go away from her life for a while. Don't call her or initiate contact in anyway. Cut her off. If she misses you she'll get in touch with you but if she doesn't then she never cared enough to begin with. I'm betting once she doesn't have you to fall back on anymore and is treated by crap by a guy or two more, you will seem even more desirable in her eyes. But you have to leave her alone first.
peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Here is how I see it: It sounds to me that she liked you but not enough to want anything more. A new guy came along and he caught her interest. She was way more interested in him than she was you. I know that statement can hurt and I am sorry, but it is the truth. Now that this new guy rejected her, she has a fear of being alone ans she falls back to you as a security blanket. She is using you, although not intentionally. She will seek you comfort and support and then when the next attraction comes along you will be out of the picture again. What the above posted said is fairly accurate. This guy that she liked ditched her and she may begin to realize how good of a person you are because you never treated her like that. On the other hand, girls are terrible with admitting fault and avoiding conflict. So in order to abstain from having to face what she did to you she may just find the next guy so she does not have to face you. Even if you do work it out for now, what will she do when the next guy (opportunity) comes along? Will you be in the same boat? maybe.... If you remember anything from my post, remember this: ANY TIME A GIRL CLAIMS THAT SHE NEEDS SPACE - there is always more to this than just you. Quite often it's another guy in the picture. NEVER take those words at face value.
peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Also, I wanted to add that you should be thinking "let the game playing begin!" As childish as it may be, it is necessary in specific situations. Find yourself someone else to date for the time being. Then call her and tell her all about this new person. When she asks to go out with you again, do it but do it on YOUR terms. Make sure tell her you are busy, then pencil her in a few days out. I am a hater of games, but girls play them all the time, so you might as well learn and play when necessary.
halfarock Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Sounds to me as if you’ve already lost her.
Poboy Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 She treats you this way because she knows she has you wrapped around her finger. She doesn't want to be with you yet she doesn't want to be alone. That's a pretty crappy way to be viewed by someone you care about. Do Not contact her. When she contacts you keep it brief like you said you would. "Is everything okay? Good. I can't talk right now but I'm glad everything's okay. Bye". She can't miss you if you don't go away so go away from her life for a while. Don't call her or initiate contact in anyway. Cut her off. If she misses you she'll get in touch with you but if she doesn't then she never cared enough to begin with. I'm betting once she doesn't have you to fall back on anymore and is treated by crap by a guy or two more, you will seem even more desirable in her eyes. But you have to leave her alone first. good advice.
Author Ohio_isforLovers Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 You see this is why i love this community because you got the coolest people who give you the best advice!!! Thanks you guys i really appreciate the help
Sleek Geek Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Ohio, I definitely think you should do NC, but I hope that NC will help you realize what an unfair position you are in. Everyone who has been heartbroken knows that position... the position of trying to show someone we care about that we would be great for them. The position of always trying to prove something to them. You won't be able to move on as long as you do everything in order to keep her happy. Has this situation affected your self-esteem at all? You sound like a fantastic guy, someone incredibly loyal. My suggestion is for you to move on. Accept that it's over. Because it is. I now believe, from 15 years on the dating scene, that there is no way back once the word : break has been pronounced. Don't listen to her maybes... She most likely only trying to let you down easy and soften the blow. The fact is, she isn't in love with you anymore. You want to be with someone who is sure and certain they want to be with you. And you certainly deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them. You're young. The first heartbreak is the worst. But you will get over her and you will meet somebody who will make this all make sense.
Author Ohio_isforLovers Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 She treats you this way because she knows she has you wrapped around her finger. She doesn't want to be with you yet she doesn't want to be alone. That's a pretty crappy way to be viewed by someone you care about. Do Not contact her. When she contacts you keep it brief like you said you would. "Is everything okay? Good. I can't talk right now but I'm glad everything's okay. Bye". She can't miss you if you don't go away so go away from her life for a while. Don't call her or initiate contact in anyway. Cut her off. If she misses you she'll get in touch with you but if she doesn't then she never cared enough to begin with. I'm betting once she doesn't have you to fall back on anymore and is treated by crap by a guy or two more, you will seem even more desirable in her eyes. But you have to leave her alone first. Thanks for the awesome advice amaysngrace!!! Just wondering heres a couple of questions... 1.She is my neighboor... So we end up running into each other a couple of times.I was wondering if i see her in person just to say hi and walk off? 2.Im a person who uses Myspace and Facebook. I feel like she checks with what im doing with the comments and thigns that people leave on it. Should i stop using them and not update anything? 3.Oh and what should i do with Aim? Block her? because whenever im online she always says "HI" to me? Thanks again everyone and i danno Sleek Geek we did go on a break 1 year ago and it lasted a month until she came back crying for forgivness.. so yeah
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