peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 So, I have been dating a girl whom I am kind of into. She's 25, I am 30. We have both been to college, right now she isn't working but I have been working in my field for many years. So I like my XBOX 360. Halo 3 just came out. I usually play xbox 3 or 4 times a week but lately it has been a few hours almost everyday. I take care of my other business, go to work, clean my apartment, pay my bills... etc. So this girl i am dating has been saying things like "everytime I come over you are playing video games." Keep in mind she lives a few doors down and it's not like we have dates planned when she comes over. I also don't watch hardly any TV. She has also said stuff like - "you are 30 years old, you shouldn't be playing video games.". I feel like she looks down on me for it. I see it as a hobby, and I usually only play a few times a week. Her and I still go out on dates and do things together. I have told her that it is just a hobby and it is usually something I do when I have friends over to have fun. She makes me feel childish for doing something that I enjoy. How can I convince her that it's a normal and constructive thing to do. There are so many other things I could be doing like going to bars, strip clubs, drugs, etc..... I have met many girls who like video games even more than I do..... Why do women hate it when I enjoy time killin on Halo 3??? What can I do? Something else I just thought about.... she doesn't seem to have many hobbies herself. She has like an insane amount of purses which is fine by me, if that's her thing.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Does she own a horse and carriage? Does she shun electricity? Welcome to the 21st century! The Video game Industry is very soon going to be worth more $$$ than Hollywood!!! Movies as we know them will continue to give way to video games until the two media's merge in some way! Movies and TV will have to become more interactive to survive. Let her know she is behind the times!
SoHotZanzibar Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Can you find a game that she might enjoy as well? Seriously, there should be a variety enough out there. Also, have you filled her in on the story of Halo? She might find it interesting. Are you sure is not getting bummed because its taking time away from you? Playing video games like Halo isn't exactly a social event when someone else is just watching.
Author peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Can you find a game that she might enjoy as well? Seriously, there should be a variety enough out there. Also, have you filled her in on the story of Halo? She might find it interesting. Are you sure is not getting bummed because its taking time away from you? Playing video games like Halo isn't exactly a social event when someone else is just watching. I have asked her if there are any games that she likes to play. I know a lot of girls like mario-cart. Heck, my ex girlfriend used to play the heck out of some Harry Potter... but the new girl claims she doesn't want to play - at all . I haven't filled her in on the story of Halo 3, but something tells me she won't be very interested. Maybe she is getting bummed because it takes time away from me - but we still have dates, etc. We still do many things together. It makes it difficult when I am on my "own time" and she lives a few doors down and just stops by. I think she expects me to drop the game to talk to her. I have asked her so many times to join in....
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Its a tricky thing getting involved with someone who not only isn't into what you do, but belittles it at the same time. They aren't likely to compromise, and its likely to become a bone of contention. Honestly, try to get your girl into it a little bit, or look for a girl gamer. Otherwise, you'll find yourself in the position of having to choose between her or your games (you'll find that even an offer to scale down on your playing time will be met with disdain as a good deal of women want you to give it up altogether). My SO and I are both in our 30's. I am a long time hardcore gamer (and I do textures and models for games), and so is my SO (he codes for games). I feel lucky that we have each other, and gaming is something we do together, and each understands the other fully in terms of the enjoyment we get out of it. Hopefully you'll be able to find some compromise there in your situation.
Author peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Its a tricky thing getting involved with someone who not only isn't into what you do, but belittles it at the same time. They aren't likely to compromise, and its likely to become a bone of contention. Honestly, try to get your girl into it a little bit, or look for a girl gamer. Otherwise, you'll find yourself in the position of having to choose between her or your games (you'll find that even an offer to scale down on your playing time will be met with disdain as a good deal of women want you to give it up altogether). My SO and I are both in our 30's. I am a long time hardcore gamer (and I do textures and models for games), and so is my SO (he codes for games). I feel lucky that we have each other, and gaming is something we do together, and each understands the other fully in terms of the enjoyment we get out of it. Hopefully you'll be able to find some compromise there in your situation. I certainly hope we can find some compromise. I need the hlp of LS!! Yeah, I could look for a girl gamer but that's not the only quality I am looking for in a woman! I don't want someone just like me, that would be boring! I respect her hobbies, why can't she respect mine??? Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can approach this subject with her?
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 1. I respect her hobbies, why can't she respect mine??? 2. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can approach this subject with her? 1. Because for her what you are doing isn't a hobby, its a childish waste of time. I hate to put it that way, but I'd bet some hard cash she thinks of it that way. 2. Let her know that you enjoy your gaming time, and that you want to work with her so that you can still enjoy it, but not have it affect the relationship negatively. If she refuses, then honestly man - I would have to suggest you show her the door. Not because of the gaming, but because she refuses to compromise with you on something that means something to you.
tanbark813 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I respect her hobbies, why can't she respect mine??? Well for starters you care too much what she thinks about it. Why do you care that she thinks it's childish? Just laugh it off next time she tries to belittle it. Why do you need her validation?
Ohio_isforLovers Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Heres some advice... GET THE PS3 but uhm yeah my ex hated me playing video games. I see it as this, if she dosent like you for who you are. Then shes not the right one cause i feel like no one should change who someone is. Even if its for something silly like videogames.
Author peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Well for starters you care too much what she thinks about it. Why do you care that she thinks it's childish? Just laugh it off next time she tries to belittle it. Why do you need her validation? I see where you are going with the "validation" and it makes sense. I have read the John Grisham books too, lol! I don't want or need to feel validated by any woman. I am pretty confident in who I am. I am not going to change for anyone, that is not even a consideration. I do kind of care if she thinks it is childish though, for one because I don't understand her point and , two, I don't care for her to think of me a childish - even though I think she is a bit childish for labeling me as such. Maybe she has some irrational fear that she is going to be second place to my hobby - which she isn't. I see games as a form of entertainment.
Author peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 1. Because for her what you are doing isn't a hobby, its a childish waste of time. I hate to put it that way, but I'd bet some hard cash she thinks of it that way. Very good points. Perhaps if I labeled her fascination with lifetime movies as childish or a waste of time, she would see my point? After all, those movies are all the same story line re-hashed!! lol
tanbark813 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I see where you are going with the "validation" and it makes sense. I have read the John Grisham books too, lol! No idea what books you're talking about. Maybe she has some irrational fear that she is going to be second place to my hobby That's most likely the case.
Author peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 No idea what books you're talking about. That's most likely the case. Thanks, buddy. I have read a lot of your posts here and I can tell that you are intelligent and speak with everyone's best interest in mind. After reading some of your posts, it is almost scary how similar our thoughts are on various subjects. But yeah, I guess maybe I should be flattered that she is worried about competing for my attention with video games?
tanbark813 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Thanks, man. But yeah, I guess maybe I should be flattered that she is worried about competing for my attention with video games? Yeah, the next time she brings it up you could just turn it around and reassure her. Or, just tell her that you don't even like video games, you just want to keep your fingers in shape for when she comes over.
Author peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Thanks, man. Yeah, the next time she brings it up you could just turn it around and reassure her. Or, just tell her that you don't even like video games, you just want to keep your fingers in shape for when she comes over. Well, I won't be telling her I don't like video games, as my 8' digital light projection screen and my stack of 360 games kind of gives it away! I will try to reassure her and I have some good ideas on what to say. I will definately tell her about keeping the fingers in shape, lol. That's funny as heck! Believe me, I will say it to her. I am not afraid to say anything to girls..... I know she'll laugh at that one!
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I don't see a problem with playing video games in your free time. I only see it as a problem if your playing when people are over and ignoring company.
milvushina Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Well, I am a person who generally likes video games more than the person I'm with. We have his and hers TVs and a few consoles. I would say: try to get her to understand it is a hobby. Tell her about how good games today have plots as engrossing as books or movies and are basically interactive stories. Put it down pretty often when she comes over. If I'm playing something that looks way boring to my husband, and he starts to hit on me, I put it aside and give him attention and even though I'm dying to continue my game, I act like it's not a big deal. Much better to just surrender some time that way than to invest your time in arguing and getting chewed out and disgusted looks. I'll be honest, I don't like the whole "it's stupid, so you shouldn't do it" attitude. My knee jerk reaction is that it sounds controlling. Is she? It just makes me think of this friend whose ex wouldn't let him wear sweats or play games or other things she arbitrarily labeled "stupid."
Author peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 I don't see a problem with playing video games in your free time. I only see it as a problem if your playing when people are over and ignoring company. I agree. But what about when she's two doors down and stops by unannounced? Do I keep playing then? And most of the time my other company wants to play with me! Hence my prob.
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I tend to find videogames childish as well, although I have difficultly articulating why. I guess it just comes down to what hobbies are age-appropriate. Truth is, the majority of people who play video games are well under the age of 30. I used to play them as a kid and as a teenager, but I slowly felt myself growing out of it. I think many people feel this way. Those who do think that those who haven't "grown out of it" are still stuck in a fantasy world of make believe. That said, I wouldn't be turned off by a guy who plays video games, as long as his time spent towards it is reasonable, and he's got other hobbies and forms of entertainment to occupy himself with. This doesn't seem to be the case with you. You said that you've been playing it lately for hours at a time, and everytime she comes over you're playing. If I were her I'd be concerned that you had no other outlet for entertainment other than a fantasy world where you're some make believe character. Children engage in games of make believe. Adults generally do not (unless it's naughty foreplay, hehehe). Your last post also indicates that you continue to play when she comes over. Regardless of what you're doing - cooking, playing guitar, painting, whatever hobby it is - continuing to do it when you have a guest over who you know has no interest in that hobby is rude. If I were her and I came over and you continued to play a game you play for hours every day instead of focusing some attention towards me, I'd think the game was more important to you than the living, breathing female sitting next to you on the couch...and I'd get up and leave, and never look back, knowing that you'd probably shrug and go right back to the game you're playing.
Author peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Truth is, the majority of people who play video games are well under the age of 30. That is far from the truth! I found this information on a reputable news website: "According to video game demographics, 39% of people who play computer and video games are women. Forty percent of online gamers are also women. Thirty five percent of game players are usually under eighteen years, and 65% of game players are over eighteen years old. The average age of a video game player is 18 years old. Video games are widely used by 18 to 34 year old people. People in this age range spend more time in playing video games than watching the television." I used to play them as a kid and as a teenager, but I slowly felt myself growing out of it. I think many people feel this way. Those who do think that those who haven't "grown out of it" are still stuck in a fantasy world of make believe. So, as an adult, I am allowed only to use my imagination for business purposes? That said, I wouldn't be turned off by a guy who plays video games, as long as his time spent towards it is reasonable, and he's got other hobbies and forms of entertainment to occupy himself with. This doesn't seem to be the case with you. Why does this not seem to be the "case" with me? This post was about video games, that is why other hobbies have not been mentioned. I enjoy digital art, working on my hot rod, fishing, etc.... But I go through spells where I will do one for an extended period then move on to the next thing for a while. You said that you've been playing it lately for hours at a time, and everytime she comes over you're playing. If I were her I'd be concerned that you had no other outlet for entertainment other than a fantasy world where you're some make believe character. Children engage in games of make believe. Adults generally do not (unless it's naughty foreplay, hehehe). Once again, and adult is not suppossed to use their imagination for anything other than sex or business? Blasphemy! Your last post also indicates that you continue to play when she comes over. Regardless of what you're doing - cooking, playing guitar, painting, whatever hobby it is - continuing to do it when you have a guest over who you know has no interest in that hobby is rude. If I were her and I came over and you continued to play a game you play for hours every day instead of focusing some attention towards me, I'd think the game was more important to you than the living, breathing female sitting next to you on the couch...and I'd get up and leave, and never look back, knowing that you'd probably shrug and go right back to the game you're playing. She stops over unnanounced. It's not like we have a date planned or anything. I just don't feel like I should instantly drop it all for her, especially if my friends are there, enjoyin the game with me - all in their 30's mind you. I don't crop into her place then whine about some gay lifetime movie she's watching. Isn't it the same? I really feel like if it weren't video games, it would be whatever hobby I chose.
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 That is far from the truth! I found this information on a reputable news website: "According to video game demographics, 39% of people who play computer and video games are women. Forty percent of online gamers are also women. Thirty five percent of game players are usually under eighteen years, and 65% of game players are over eighteen years old. The average age of a video game player is 18 years old. Video games are widely used by 18 to 34 year old people. People in this age range spend more time in playing video games than watching the television." Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Don't those statistics prove my point, that the MAJORITY of game players are under the age of 30? Do the math. Why does this not seem to be the "case" with me? This post was about video games, that is why other hobbies have not been mentioned. I enjoy digital art, working on my hot rod, fishing, etc.... But I go through spells where I will do one for an extended period then move on to the next thing for a while. Well, she's only seen the one hobby...that's all you're ever doing when she sees you. I really feel like if it weren't video games, it would be whatever hobby I chose. Maybe so, particularly given that she told you she just wants to be friends.
Sleek Geek Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 My ex was obessed with his guitar. I would go over, usually announced, and all we would do is sit there while he played guitar. It got boring. I could understand why it would be an issue for her if, when she drops by, you continue to play. I know that that's what you were doing and that it's her fault for dropping by unannounced. But the reason she is dropping by unannounced is because she was thinking of you and felt like interacting with you. You sound like you are doing everything else right, taking her out etc. Maybe all you need to do is pause the game, give her a big huh, ask her how her day went... look into her eyes, make her smile and then tell her you were getting ready to tackle whatever it is that you tackle in hero 3.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Don't those statistics prove my point, that the MAJORITY of game players are under the age of 30? Do the math. Well, she's only seen the one hobby...that's all you're ever doing when she sees you. Maybe so, particularly given that she told you she just wants to be friends. That age demographic is going to continue to move up as Gen Y gets older! PP, I agree with SG.... When chica comes in the room put the game on pause! Or if your doing multi-player... see if you can bow out! So when she comes over... just flirt with her mercilessly!!! You can't go wrong that way!
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 You are one of those people who are self centered and have no tolerance for the tastes of others. And the "friends"... Nice little attack you just threw at me. Do you feel better? You seem like you hate men. I have screwed more hot "friends" than I can remember. Blah....take your self absorbed rightousness elsewhere. That's one of the funniest responses to one of my posts I've ever read. When it comes to personal preference and tastes, I'm as tolerant as they come. I just wouldn't tolerate someone being disrespectful towards me while engaging in their "tastes." And the "friends" reference wasn't an attack. In your parallel thread, you say she said that - that she only wanted to be "friends." I'm simply repeating what you said she said. If she just wants to be friends, it shouldn't matter what you engage in as a hobby, and no matter what the hobby is she's going to take issue with it because she doesn't think you're compatible. That said, no matter who the guest is, your video game shouldn't be the priority.
Author peace_pipe Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 And the "friends" reference wasn't an attack. In your parallel thread, you say she said that - that she only wanted to be "friends." I'm simply repeating what you said she said. If she just wants to be friends, it shouldn't matter what you engage in as a hobby, and no matter what the hobby is she's going to take issue with it because she doesn't think you're compatible. That said, no matter who the guest is, your video game shouldn't be the priority. She said friends, then we made out, then back to friends, then make out again. Dinner tonight.... "friends" blah - women do not understand semantics.
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