kirikat Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I hope this helps a few of you who are in the worst of it all right now.... It DOES get better - I am not exactly sure how... because a week ago he and I had the closure meeting, and I was okay. Then, but Thursday - I thought I was back to 'square one' - but you know... it was more like one final monsoon, and after.... the sun began coming out again. I can only tell you what I did.... and what I think may have helped. I avoided hating. I wrote EVERY DAY - sometimes 12 times a day. I got therapy... poste haste. I read a lot of books on spiritual growth... Pema Chodron, Thomas Moore etc. I prayed, and cried, and meditated, and leaned on my friends. I prayed for HIM as well.... because honestly, he did what he could within his own limitations, and really - most people do the best they can... how badly they do is a matter of thier own limits, and no real reflection on you. I tried to take responsibility for what was mine, and then... I worked hard to not beat myself up about it. Yes, I miss him. No, I am not ready to have a new relationship... but I am beginning to meet new people online (it helps me to really know that there will be other loves in my life....) But, I have stopped obsessing. He isnt the first thing I think of in the morning. Yes, I hope he calls and sayd "oh my god, what have I done" - but mostly so I can say.... "you did the right thing, honey" So.... it does get better - if you work at allowing the pain to open, rather than close your heart.
Diplok Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Yes, I hope he calls and sayd "oh my god, what have I done" - but mostly so I can say.... "you did the right thing, honey" So.... it does get better - if you work at allowing the pain to open, rather than close your heart. Part of me wishes very strongly that my ex calls me to tell me the same, but I doubt that's going to happen. I don't want her back at this point either, I just want to be able to say to her "NO." I guess it would be my form of revenge. Sure, it may not be the most mature thing to want but the way she treated me toward the end was very hurtful. Maybe it's my fault for allowing her to treat me that way. Regardless, It would be nice to turn the tables on her.
Author kirikat Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Oh - I dont know if its revenge, so much as a public demonstration of taking your power back
Sanslatete Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 Sure, it may not be the most mature thing to want but the way she treated me toward the end was very hurtful. Maybe it's my fault for allowing her to treat me that way. Regardless, It would be nice to turn the tables on her. I wish I was at your stage in this process. I do have the wish that she would call me and say it was a big mistake, but I'd probably be a fool and go back for more punishment at this point. I loved her (and still do) more than life and she treated me like crap towards the end, lots of mind games and the like. But it's probably just as well she's not contacted me as I'm not sure if I would use my heart or head yet. This is just first class misery, don't you think?!
tinke Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 even if initially i would be glad if he called....the fact is, never would i trust him again! never could i love him the way i did.
Author kirikat Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 Yeah... that would be the point. I would love to hear "I was wrong... I want you, I need you, I love you...." But he already poisoned the soup pot.
Diplok Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 I wish I was at your stage in this process. I do have the wish that she would call me and say it was a big mistake, but I'd probably be a fool and go back for more punishment at this point. I loved her (and still do) more than life and she treated me like crap towards the end, lots of mind games and the like. But it's probably just as well she's not contacted me as I'm not sure if I would use my heart or head yet. This is just first class misery, don't you think?! I did want to get back with her till a couple of weeks ago. I slowly but surely realized that I did my best in this relationship and I have no regrets. And still she chose to walk away. That is not my fault but hers. If my best isn't enough for her than there's nothing I can do. Good luck to her. As a matter of fact she has made this easy on me by not contacting me since our breakup 2 months ago. I took it very hard. At first I did all the wrong things a guy could do in my situation. I cried to her, I begged, I pleaded, sent flowers, blah blah blah. I stopped that within the first week of the breakup after realizing I was humiliating myself. After all, how could I expect her to come back to love me and respect me when I was showing no love and respect for myself. Always remember that no one will love you and respect you more than yourself. If you don't respect yourself, others won't respect you either and you will allow it because your self respect is very low. Don't use NC as a way to make the other person miss you. Use it to improve yourself in areas where you don't feel satisfied. As for myself, I used NC to stop crying over someone who didn't deserve my tears. I started eating healthier, as a result I lost 20 pounds within the last 2 months. I started reading more. I now am going to school to learn french. I already speak spanish and of course english and hopefully in a few months I'll be able to hold a conversation in french and hopefully next summer I'll finally visit Paris which is one of my dreams. I now exercise regularly. I jog every morning for an hour. It makes me feel so good I can't describe the feeling. And, I started going to church again which I hadn't done in years. I grew up going to church but as a teenager I kinda took interest in other things. But, I'm happy to be going to church and all the friends I have made there. Go out, have fun and let the ex be just that an "ex."
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