LakesideDream Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 LJ, Gunny... I have found that at my stage of life (57) that the dynamic has changed somewhat. I want to be comfortable with a person before a sexual relationship begins. This has presented problems with many "mature" women (over 45). It seems like that at a certain age, these woman expect sex to come first. Buy a really nice dinner... go to her place and have sex. Go to a concert, ditto, spend the day driving in the Sierra's, ditto. Don't get me wrong, I am a fully functional horn-dog, who still loves all night marathons.. but only with someone I have real feelings for. I have had relationships, and potential relationships fade away because I wasn't interested in piling on the bones immediately!
Missy27 Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Sometimes I think that SOME women seem to go through a stage between the ages of 35 onwrds when they question themselves sexually ~ like if a woman who is say ~ 40 ~ has been married for 20 years and doesn't know any different than her H ~ she MAY start to feel unattrctive, fatigued, unappreciated, un-loved etc ~ she has spent 20 years with a man that has gradually made her feel like all of the above ~ not because he MEANS to make her feel like this but just because the day to day of life has slowly but surely grinded them both down and loving eachother has become a chore rather than a feeling ~ I think that this goes someway into working out what FBS is all about. And MAYBE ~~ that' what's happening with OP's wife ~~ Look ~~ I KNOW that my approach to things is somewhat ~~~~ maybe a little ~~~ Impatient and harsh sometimes ~ but I think that if we all look deep inside ourselves we can find a way back to loving someone ~ even if we feel like the biggest drop - out in town sometimes ~ where there's a will there's a way right ~ ? You gotta soul search to enable yourself to reach that stage though ~ and some people just DONT find the emotional maturity to do it sometimes. THATS why I'm with Gunny, LJ and loads of the others on the "in for a penny, in for a pound" business ~ its ALL there if we are prepared to "FIND" it ~ or allow it to find us as the case may be. Right Now ~ ? - My little honey is fast asleep on the sofa ~ with the two jacket russells asleep right next to him ~ the wood burners going, the tv's on ~ his littlen's are sleeping and we are all cool ~ spent the day down at a friends on the splitter getting some logs ready for our fires for the winter ~laughing ~ chatting sh~t and p~ssing about having fun as we always do ~and did all they logs in 3 hours flat ~ TEAM WORK ~ thats love and if I EVER question my love for him I would only have to look at a day like today and the many others we have had like this and the love just cumz'a flooding back ! ~ keep things SIMPLE ~~ IT WORKS ~ !!!!
Author DumpedButFighting Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 The scene you describe sounds like bliss missy. Little update, her official move out was this week. Life ain't bad. I'm not bouncing around happy, but I'm doing ok, keeping on an even keel. Feels pretty good to be this togethor at this stage, it hurts a lot but I'm walking tall, all that advice floating around these forums works so well, it makes me chuckle to myself sometimes to watch it work as predicted. Planning out a future for me and apart from that taking it day by day and keeping my options open, see how I feel as time goes on. Whatever happens, I want to learn from this, so far that is: never be complacent and like a hot air balloon there is only so much weight you can hang on a marriage without it starting to come down, espcially if you don't balance it with the stuff that got you up high in the first place. The descent can be so gradual that you don't see it happening until it hits the ground.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 The scene you describe sounds like bliss missy. Little update, her official move out was this week. Life ain't bad. I'm not bouncing around happy, but I'm doing ok, keeping on an even keel. Feels pretty good to be this togethor at this stage, it hurts a lot but I'm walking tall, all that advice floating around these forums works so well, it makes me chuckle to myself sometimes to watch it work as predicted. Planning out a future for me and apart from that taking it day by day and keeping my options open, see how I feel as time goes on. Whatever happens, I want to learn from this, so far that is: never be complacent and like a hot air balloon there is only so much weight you can hang on a marriage without it starting to come down, espcially if you don't balance it with the stuff that got you up high in the first place. The descent can be so gradual that you don't see it happening until it hits the ground. Wow you sound in great spirits, alot of men are emotional wrecks. lolz. that's to be expected though. Do you want her back or is she leavingto sleep with other people? is that a dealbreaker or is this a seperation with the intention of divorce?
Author DumpedButFighting Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Really not sure if I would want her back at the moment. Would be presuming a lot that she ever would want to come back but if she did I guess it would depend on her attitude. What she's done, even if she has good excuses, is pretty crappy, I'd need to see she was really serious about it. And her new jobs changed her, she ain't the same girl that I have in my photos, she sold her soul to it. I don't know if she's leaving to sleep with another/others, I don't think so, but hey everybody thinks that about their wife and they are very often wrong . If I knew she had been sleeping with someone else and she wanted back, right now, no wouldn't have her back. I've little doubt she's hanging emotionally from people at her work, but that ain't overly surprising since that job requires her there 12hrs a day (its sales) + lots of weekends away on sales trips. The ethic there seems to be work before everything, she told me once her boss told his wife before they got married that basically his business would always come first and she shouldn't marry him if that was a problem (What the hell kind of attitude is that?)
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Really not sure if I would want her back at the moment. Would be presuming a lot that she ever would want to come back but if she did I guess it would depend on her attitude. What she's done, even if she has good excuses, is pretty crappy, I'd need to see she was really serious about it. And her new jobs changed her, she ain't the same girl that I have in my photos, she sold her soul to it. I don't know if she's leaving to sleep with another/others, I don't think so, but hey everybody thinks that about their wife and they are very often wrong . If I knew she had been sleeping with someone else and she wanted back, right now, no wouldn't have her back. I've little doubt she's hanging emotionally from people at her work, but that ain't overly surprising since that job requires her there 12hrs a day (its sales) + lots of weekends away on sales trips. The ethic there seems to be work before everything, she told me once her boss told his wife before they got married that basically his business would always come first and she shouldn't marry him if that was a problem (What the hell kind of attitude is that?) Yeah you shouldnt treat your spouse like garbage for your job. That sucks. What if one day you go into work then your fired. Then what? All that sacrifise for a job they didnt give a damn about you. Well she made her bed and now she lies in it. I think you should find a woman that's gonna be a complete family with you and put both of your needs first. Clearly your wife only thinks about herself. Are you gonna divorce her within a year? Is she set on divorce or does she want you back?
Author DumpedButFighting Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 She hasn't said divorce yet, but it seems clear from her moving out that that's where she's headed at the moment. Applying the advice around these forums has brought about a distinct change in her attitude the last couple of weeks .. I'm getting more respect, but right now she's still headed for the exit. If nothing changes within a year, without doubt it would be divorce, if she doesn't push for it before then, not sure I'd wait that long even.
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