iwonderwhyme Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I am in desperate need of advice. I have had a friend with benefits relationship with a guy friend of mine on and off for about 10 years. I was always under the understanding that it was just a sexual thing, and that no relationship was wanted. Truth be told, I have kind of always had a crush on him, but I never wanted to pressure him into anything he didnt want. We never physically had sex until about a year ago. We have so much chemistry... but things are always a little weird after we are done messing around for about a week or so and then we get over it and go back to our old ways. Recently, things have become a little more intimate... he has taken to holding my hand a lot... when we are together he's always holding me close to him and things like that. The last time we were together, we decided to do a little drinking to loosen up (i have a tendency to clam up a little and be nervous), and he started asking me if I had feelings for him and I really didnt know how to respond. I told him that I loved him... but that I didnt really know in what way I felt that kind of love (i didnt want to scare him). He then started joking and asking if he could take pictures of me to put up online (he knows i would never do that) on some porno site that is for men that post pics of their girlfriend to show them off... but then looked at me and mentioned "even though you're not my girlfriend....." and trailed off. So I'm not sure if he was just trying to be kinky and mess with me or if that was his way of joking that he might be interested in me being his girlfriend at some point in his life. Lastly, when he got up to leave, he reached out to give me a hug (which we usually dont do when we are done) and he told me that he loved me too... and he has never said that even though we have been friends since we were babies. I just have no idea what could be possibly going on in his mind right now. He is important to me as a person and I dont want to ruin our friendship with this. Any ideas??? Any piece of advice is so helpful right now.... thank you!
norajane Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 When he asked you if you had feelings for him, you should have also asked him if he had feelings for you. You can still ask, and should. Tell him you couldn't help thinking more about what he asked, and about what he said - that he loved you. Ask him if is thinking about being your bf. He's the only one who can really tell you what's on his mind.
Aintayankee Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 You wanna get married someday right, then finding out is good. Just do a casual, calm talk about the future, tell him you desire an official relationship, otherwise you will never get over each other, and just be a pointless cycle. I don't think that you would loose him completely if the friendship faded.......if you care about him, you will offer to be his, but in a normal way. That is my argument, dunno if it helped. Good luck.
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