h2ofrek Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I have not posted very often here, but I am lost again. I just got back from my deployment 4 days ago. My STBX met me on the pier with my 2 children. It was a special moment. I have been working on my issues through reading, a lot of self analization and meditation. I have made great strides in working through my "mommy" issues and have my first counselling appointment on the 6th. The thing is, is that I have finally let down my anger and defenses and have, for the first time in my 36 years of living, felt real love. Love for myself and for my family. The STBX feels it and has realized that she still loves me. No, that is not the reason I am going through all of this hard work to better myself, but it's a big bonus. My children actually tell me, several times a day, that they love me and like the "new" daddy. Here's the rub; STBX is moving back to ME in early October and has rekindled a romance from 12 years ago. She did not tell me about him, but my children did and when I confronted her, she told me various BS stories and we finally got to a place where she could trust me with the truth and she gave it to me. The truth is she thought that we were over and that she was looking forward to the new relationship. But now, we are even more in love than we were before and we are actually talking and sharing and trusting each other. She is still talking with him every day and sneaks around to take his calls. She says that I do not deserve what she is doing to me and that she is confused by the the love that she is turning her back on when she leaves. What do I do? I love her more than I have ever loved any body and it's because I finally am getting OK with me, but this is tearing my heart apart. I will be out of the Navy in 23 months and am dedicating myself to getting better emotionally and I am making plans to move to ME to be with my children and maybe her. I am confused.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Give her a clear choice... and demand that she make the choice and hold to it. Make her choose now... Him or You! If she chooses you but continues to contact him... Make it very clear that you will dump her... and fast!
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Yes, I agree with cobra. If she is willing to the marriage another chance and become a family again under one roof, the other guy has to disappear out of your lives forever. Do not even consider letting things happen between the two of you until he is out of the picture. I don't know if you want to give her afew weeks to end it with him, or if you expect her to do it this instant.
Author h2ofrek Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 My hopes, right now, are that she goes back home and rediscovers herself (which is what prompted our divorce in the first place) while I spend the next 23 months finishing my career out and keep focussing on getting my head right. Then retire to where she is with the children. While she is there, she will no doubt give him a whirl. Maybe it will be what she wants, maybe she will realize she wants me. I don't know. I just know that right now, today, we are so deeply in love and experiencing a connection that was missing these last 8 years and it feels so comfortable and right.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Rediscover herself? What does that even mean? If I were in your shoes... It would be either your in or your out, not both, and if she touches this other guy... its done! You want to play her game? In the end its your call. Either step up and take the wheel or let her do the driving!
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 She's trying to play you, you need to tell her it's all or nothing, The minute she stpes outside with that OM, she loses everything! and it's not a threat , that's a promise. This man could have some disease or something how does she know!?!? And she talks of this love but yet she's willing to sleep with another man on both of yours downtime. That's a load of crap. Dont fall for the BS, put your foot down and give her a choice, if you leave , dont come back, and if she stays this guy must be gone for good! Forever!!!!
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