How can you have any feelings whatsoever for people you just meet randomly?

[BlueEyedGirl]

This might be a bad title but what I mean is: say you meet a guy at a bar or a night club. I just don't see how I can have any sort of feelings (including just wanting to see him again). To me, that guy is completly nothing and even going on a date is too much of an effort and I would rather not. Just struggling with small talk (I hate small talk) is just so unappealing. Yet I hear friends again and again and how they met someone randomly and are so excited to go on a date etc. I have never been able to feel even so much as a small physical attraction to perfect strangers or even a wish to get to know them better. I am only able to feel something with people I have known for a while - yet they are all usually taken and I have been single for a long time now so that's obviously not working out. I actually get releived when those guys I meet randomly don't call after the first date. Yet I'm not really happy with being single

[BlueEyedGirl]

I actually did when I was younger (I'm in my late 20's now) but it seems to be getting a lot harder now. It is not completly impossible but it doesn't happen as often as it should or as it does for most people. When I see a hot guy the first thing I think of is not that I want him but "He must be an arrogant shallow player" and I'm just not interested. Sadly I actually am right in around 99% of these cases.

[tanbark813]

When I see a hot guy the first thing I think of is not that I want him but "He must be an arrogant shallow player" and I'm just not interested. Sadly I actually am right in around 99% of these cases.

 

If you never go out with them how do you know you're right?

[BlueEyedGirl]

Because I did in the past. I used to have 2-3 different dates per week (without the internet) and I have rarely if ever been wrong about the first impression I get of someone.

[Yellowboy]

Yeah, at a bar or night club which is completely random...that just doesn't work for me either. I'm most likely judging the type of people that go there without even giving them a chance, but where I live, those who go to bars and clubs are usually just not my type. My friends enjoy "the game" and I'm glad they're having a good time, but I usually feel indifferent about the whole scene.

 

Even when it comes to something more closer, like your own social circles, like a friend of a friend for example. I have tendencies of putting them together...so if that friend of mine is not my type, then I'd assume her friend is also not my type. And usually they are, or else why would they be friends right? ;-D

 

Just ranting here...

[amaysngrace]

Well at least you seem to be more concerned with what you think of others than what others think of you. That's a good thing.

 

But if you're giving off the vibe of someone waiting for the perfect person I have to tell you no one like that exists. Maybe on your first dates you are so quick to reject (find fault) that you don't even give the guy a chance.

 

I don't think that if I were a guy that I'd ask a girl out again if all she does is shut me down. Especially if she hardly even knows me.

[Trialbyfire]

Meeting random men at bars or clubs isn't my style either. While it can be fun to socialize, dating them would be a stretch for me because I would have no idea who they were. I have to get to know someone a little better, before considering being alone with them.

 

Being single isn't that bad. While it's nice to be in a relationship, being single has it's advantages, such as unlimited freedom. Don't be in such a rush to get together with someone. Relax and enjoy your freedom. As I was saying to frd150, when you least expect it, someone will come your way. Believe it.

[OceanBlue]

I don't know, but if I am supposed to 'meet' someone within my current circle of acquaintances, then I am in trouble.

 

I just met a guy last week at a "function" being held in a club. I don't like the bar scene in general, but was committed to attending this. We started talking, neither one of us particularly enjoying ourselves there. When the conversation really started getting interesting, we opted to leave and go to a quieter place.

 

So he was a random person that I met in a club. I really enjoyed spending time with him and I am truly looking forward to our first date. At first glance I would have pegged him as a player but I don't think that he is.

 

I don't quite understand how you get to know someone, if at the beginning you don't know them? (Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else?) I'm not talking about a first date at the guy's place, but meeting in a public locale.

[amber1]

Well first off, you shouldn't just limit your options to meeting a guy at a bar or a night club. Some (not all) of the guys who go to those sorts of places aren't of the best quality anyway. Like someone said before though, don't think automatically that a hot guy is going to be a complete arrogant jerk. Of course those are out there, but there are plenty of attractive nice guys. It's good to be picky but don't be so picky where you miss out on someone great.

[Aintayankee]

One word: EVOLUTION. It is trying to get you mates. That's why strangers have one night stands and stuff. Hardcore biology junk!