Filmerd Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here. I've been having issues with this one girl I've been going after for a while and was hoping you could maybe help me out and give me some advice. Well, here's the deal. I met this girl about 4 weeks ago when I went to go hang out with one of my friends at this girl he knows room (I'm a freshman in college). I just chilled there for a bit (the girl I'm trying to go for was her roommate), didn't really say too much to her, but we both definitely acknowledged each other and all that typical crap. Anyways, I've been talking to her online just about 3 or 4 times a week now for about a month about a ton of topics. Last friday, I finally asked if she wanted to hang out for a bit and she said yes (and sounded pretty enthusiastic about it too). We went and toked with my friends after going around to a couple of parties, then when she got up to head back to the party, I basically followed her down stairs and talked to her for about 45 minutes. This would have been all fine and good, only thing is that I was pretty high at the time so I couldn't think straight like at all, or like keep the conversation going. I kept like bringing up the stuff we'd already talked about online, although I think that the fact she stayed for 45 minutes is a good thing. When it was time to go, she gave me a high five, not a hug or anything. Now I feel like she's not nearly as interested in me anymore, although I think there might still be a little something there that I've been trying to work with, but haven't had much luck. I feel like we might just be becoming casual friends, which I definitely don't want to happen. Otherwise, I've just been trying to call her or like talking to her online every night and I'm not having much luck. I talked to her today, and asked if she wanted to maybe have dinner with me, but she said that she was gonna hang out with this other dude instead. I really like this girl. We've got a ton in common, but I kind of don't know where to go at this point. Any suggestions on how I should go about mending the damage I've done without looking like a stalker or a creep? EDIT: Also, I kind of feel that whenever I talk to her. We stick to the kind of 'getting to know you' talk and don't actually delve into anything significant. Any suggestions as far as that goes?
Star Gazer Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Was she as high as you were? In my experience, if I'm not buzzed, I HATE being around drunk and high people... so annoying. That simply might have been the case with this girl, nothing personal against you. Any suggestions on how I should go about mending the damage I've done without looking like a stalker or a creep? Ask her out on a real date, and keep the entire evening drug-free. If you can show her that you can actually communicate while sober, she'll be more forgiving of your high antics.
IamASelfishSOB Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Perhaps getting high on dates is not such a good idea. Just a thought.
Author Filmerd Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 Yeah, I figured that out. I'm not exactly the brightest pot head in the world, so I'll be staying off that. I plan on not doing anything while I'm with her for a while. Otherwise, she's one of those people who does a lot of drugs, but doesn't look like it at all. I'm hoping she was pretty forgiving about it. Today, I asked her if she would be up for having dinner with me and maybe hanging out too, but I kind of feel like she's just giving me excuses. In example, I asked her if she wanted to do anything tomorrow or friday too, and she just said 'maybe', 'I've been getting a lot of work recently', etc., etc.. Any further suggestions on where to go or what I should ask her to do? Should I maybe not talk to her for a couple of days, then start everything up again?
tanbark813 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 It doesn't sound like you've done damage, necessarily, just that you might be slipping--or have already slipped--into the friendzone. Ask her out on a real date, and keep the entire evening drug-free. Word. And do this soon. You've already been talking to her enough online. Take her out. Also, don't ask her if she "maybe wants to go to dinner sometime". Ask her out for a specific time and in a manner that suggests you already know she wants to. I don't want you to be like the guy in the PG-13 movie who everyone's really pulling for! I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie. The guy you're not quite sure if you like yet.
Author Filmerd Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 Well, slipping into the friendzone is exactly the kind of damage I'm talking about. Any suggestions on avoiding that?
tanbark813 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Any suggestions on avoiding that? Don't talk to a girl online for 4 weeks before asking if she "maybe wants to go out sometime".
Sleek Geek Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Yes there is a way to avoid the friend zone: Ask her out on a date. The only reason people slip into the friend zone is because they would rather hang on to any thread of contact with the person then risk being rejected. Asking her out tells her that you are into her. It shows you're confident and it also tells her that if she wants to get to know you more, then romantically is the only way you'll have it.
Author Filmerd Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 Alright, I kind of figured that much. But I thought that worked out pretty well for me, it led to me actually being able to see her 1 on 1. Basically, if she's giving me maybes, where should I go from here? I've already asked her if she wanted to go to dinner specifically tonight, and she said she couldn't. Should I wait until after the weekend until I start talking to her again/ ask her to do anything or what?
Sleek Geek Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Another rule of asking people out on dates... It is always better to give them advance notice. By that I mean, you should always ask someone out for a date a few days ahead of time. Don't ask someone out for that evening. There's many reasons for this: it shows that you want to spend time with them; it shows that you have a busy schedule; it shows that you assume that they have a busy schedule. Now, she said she couldn't do dinner tonight. Did she offer a counter date? Anything along the lines of 'some other time'? If she didn't, sorry, check mate. You're done and there isn't anything more you can do.
tanbark813 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Alright, I kind of figured that much. But I thought that worked out pretty well for me, it led to me actually being able to see her 1 on 1. Which is fine, but you didn't kiss her or do anything that a friend wouldn't do. Basically, if she's giving me maybes, where should I go from here? I've already asked her if she wanted to go to dinner specifically tonight, and she said she couldn't. Should I wait until after the weekend until I start talking to her again/ ask her to do anything or what? You might already be dead in the water. If she was interested she'd probably make a counter-offer for a different time. Your best bet is to disappear for a week or so. Don't try to get in touch with her or hang out where she is. If/when she contacts you, be happy to hear from her and just say you've been busy or whatever. Then try asking her out again.
Author Filmerd Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 She did say that she'd be able to do it some other time, but didn't give me specifics. Should I just not talk to her for a few days at all, or keep going at it like I have been? Alright, I missed that post above. I'm just gonna lay low for like a week and see what happens. Thanks, unless you think I should do something else.
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