A Month Today

[angie16]

We broke up a month ago today. He said that he didn't want to deal with our problems anymore. My whole life is different. I am really freaking out right now.

 

We have spoken but it always ends in yelling and fighting. The only problems we had were communication (he just down emotionally to me after his dad died, and kept some important info from his past regarding his ex and me from me) and the face that since i didn't know these things, i kept asking about marriage, even though if he had just told me the truth about the family stuff he was dealing with, i would have never said anything for at least a year.

 

so now we are apart. I am devestated. I know on the outside i still look the same, but my heart i broken. I've been living with my family and i acutally got a promotion at work, but i am empty.

 

I want him back. But he won't even entertain it. He says that he hasn't had enough time to wrap his head around everything ---- or its that he doesn't want to deal with me not being happy because we're not married.

 

I want to at least TRY. I feel like he gave up on us and we didn't even TRY to work it out. I kept asking and he said that he was "too tired".

This is someone that i know loves me very much, and i love him so much as well.

 

Please help me. I go from angry to sad to devestated to just plain numb. I am lost.

[Jmina]

leave him alone now.

 

and go into NC.

 

yes he loves you, yes your so confused to why he wouldnt even try and im sure you give him excuses for it, but deep down he loves you and he is making a mistake right?

 

well if he is then he has to be the one to realise it.

 

he needs to live his life WITHOUT you to know if he wants you in it or not.

 

im sorry to sound harsh, but ive been through the exact same thing.

 

my ex lost someone close and we broke up over it because she couldnt handle dealing with it anymore.

 

i didnt give up on us... that was what i thought i was doing anyway but would i should have done ws just let her go.

 

let it go.

 

then if she really did love me like she said and like i thought she will be back in time. even if its 6 months a year or more.

 

if not, then it was for the best.

 

there will definately be thoughts going through his head that he isnt telling you like if he feels that someone else is out there for him etc.

 

the best thing you can do is leave it. he will come back if his heart aches for it. if it doesnt, then why would you want to be with him?

 

try not to be a door mat either, keep your cool, and always seem happy to his decision. if he contacts you get straight to the point. dont show him how mcuh you are hurting. the less you show how much of a nice guy you are (dormat) the more he will come back to you (if he wants) he wont come back to you if you keep begging and pleading to try again, that he made a mistake.

 

you only realise you made mistakes once you feel the hurt from it. he cant feel it yet while your alwys there.

 

so disaper for a while.

goodluck hun. keep posting okay.

 

peace

 

jmina

 

good luck and keep posting.

p.s. ive been through it too and im still going through it. i know how ripped apart you feel! if youve tried the "but i love you and you love me" way try the opposite. keep calm and nice and end convos before he does. dont initiate contact. if things are looking REALLY bad then defenately go into NC.

[niceguy27]

i agree. Its the hardest thing to do, but its also the best thing to do. No amount of convincing or pleading is going to change his mind. He has to do it on his own. As much as it sucks, it has to be done.

 

I am coming to that realization now with my ex. I will try again in another month or so after going into nc. Im setting a goal of that because 1) it keeps me focused on the prize (her) and 2) it helps rebuild my self confidence by having something to look forward to.

[curiousnycgirl]

Oh Angie -

 

My heart continues to go out to you. I was so very impressed with how you were handling things before, angry with him, recognizing it was over, etc. But I totally understand where you are!

 

I agree entirely with what the first poster wrote. You need to fill your life and stay away from your ex. I still think he is regretting what he did, but clearly he needs to really miss you to figure that out.

 

Also you need to figure out how to move on with your life, either with or without him. Right now you can only focus on the without him option and to tell the truth - you will only be more interesting to him and other men if you are happy in your own full, and fullfilling life.

 

Keep coming back here and stick it out. I know you will be fine I just wish we could take away the hurt you are feeling.

[angie16]

Thanks everyone. Its been so difficult.

I was doing better, but i broke down and called him on sunday and we got into a huge argument. he told me "that when i act like this it makes missing me easier to get over".

 

its done, its over, and i guess i feel like i have been made a villian even though i didn't do anything wrong. i just loved him so much and wanted our relationship to progress. if he had tried to open up to me at all for the 6 months we were together after his dad's death (i tried EVERY DAY to talk to him about it), i would have known what was happening. but he never told me anything, and i got scared and had nothing to go on.

 

we were so in love for so long. we made such a wonderful life together. i diont' know if its the month marker so maybe now the shock is ebbing and now the reality is setting in or if I am just really losing my mind.

 

Thanks again to everyone, this hurts so badly. I don't want anyone else, i want him, and every time we argue i know i am making it harder and harder for us ever to get back together.

 

The end of today will be 3 days NC, so i am going to try and be strong and just not contact him. I just can't belive its getting worse.

[niceguy27]

I really am sorry for your pain. Keep in mind every time you bring stuff up it pushes him and makes him pull away even further. So if you do talk again, do the opposite. Its gonna be like going against the grain but it helps a lot. Both on him and yourself. You will feel more self confident and sound like your "just fine" and he will have lots of time to let his anger fade and then he may start to remember all the good things. Only time apart does this.

 

Keep writing on here to get your feelings out!

[Sanslatete]

It is hard not to be in contact, I know, I find it excruciatingly painful not being part of my ex-GF's life now and any kind of contact is better than nothing sometimes after 2 and a half months apart. I know it's self defeating but I miss her so much it's unbearable. The pain of not being able to do the things we used to together drives me to distraction as we were together over 6 years and were inseperable for most of it. I do try to distract myself with other things but as soon as I've got time to think, it all comes flooding back and I miss her all over again. I feel weak and angry at myself because I can't move on, stuck in this rut of nostalgia and longing.