Krytie TV Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 OK, so I recently began the whole serial dating thing and have had many unique and interesting experiences, and have had a lot of fun. I've had the privilege of meeting lots of new people in the process. However, the time has already come when I can no longer deny my true nature. It's only been three months, and I already miss the companionship of a one on one relationship. "Going out" to do everything has gotten old, as a necessity at least. I miss the excuse to stay in on a Saturday night cuddled on the couch watching a couple cheesy B horror flicks. I know to pursue that as an end would only frustrate me though, as it just doesn't happen that way. So I'll continue to do this "thing" and hope that someone comes along that gives me an excuse to stop the charade. At least I can continue to learn about people and dating and what it is to play the game. Yeah, just thinking out loud.
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I hope I never have to go through the dating process...It obviously gets harder later in life. I also hope you're enjoying being alone too....
Star Gazer Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I also hope you're enjoying being alone too.... Interesting point...but he's not really "alone," now is he? Krytie, while you might not have a constant companion, it seems you are generally always "with" a woman in some way. Have you ever really been ALONE-alone for an extended period of time, to truly just be with yourself? It's kinda awesome at times...
Author Krytie TV Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Krytie, while you might not have a constant companion, it seems you are generally always "with" a woman in some way. Have you ever really been ALONE-alone for an extended period of time, to truly just be with yourself? It's kinda awesome at times... Well, what do you mean always? I work 72 hours a week, so the only socialization I have of any kind during the week is at work. The rest is spent sleeping. On the weekends, I'm with many people, not just women. I was "alone" until I was 26. I was alone for 8 months after leaving my wife. I guess I don't know if that qualifies as "alone-alone" or not. But I know I spend a lot of time by myself, and I enjoy it for its own sake. But cussling up with the dog for a movie just isn't as good as the alternative, know what I mean? And yes, it has been awesome at times.
lazer1743 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Dating can be exhausting! i went through a VERY small window of time where i had alot of dates. it was so draining to have to start the conversation up with small talk....... i felt like a freaking caveman trying to get a fire lit in the middle of snow storm. Perhaps it was the women i dated, they were so quiet and reserved. I had to dig so hard to see if they even had any other qualities that i liked or disliked. I got fed up pretty quick and just started to enjoy time out with friends. anyway, the point: life is like water........push to hard for what you want and it will fight back with equal pressure. though, im not in a relationship so i guess my way of thinking doesn't work either, lol Good Luck!
Jilly10340 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I know exactly what you mean Krytie. When my ex broke up with me July 06 I did the whole dating around/hanging out with friends thing for awhile. After a bit though, all the partying and drinking and going out with friends all the time, it's like I didn't even know who I was anymore. I really didn't feel that was the type of person I was, nor did I like that feeling either. That's the first time, in a long time, I stayed away from the whole relationship thing. It did have it's perks, and for that time being I did like not being attached....but I have to admit I am a relationship girl. I don't like shallow dates or flings that last a couple weeks. I see them as a waste of my time. I like long, committed relationships. Granted, I'm not going to get in a relationship with anything that passes my way, I have to actually LIKE them....but I do always looks for a relationship. It's a matter of preference.
tanbark813 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I miss the excuse to stay in on a Saturday night cuddled on the couch watching a couple cheesy B horror flicks. Why not do that with one of the girls you're seeing?
Author Krytie TV Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Well, I'm not really seeing anyone at this point that I would want to do that with. I almost see it as an activity reserved for closer relationships. I do have someone I could do that with, but she works a lot and is not availbale often.
IpAncA Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I hope I never have to go through the dating process...It obviously gets harder later in life. Same here...sounds ferocious out there.
CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Why not do that with one of the girls you're seeing? If they're just "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" dates, he isn't considering any of them for the long term and as such, wouldn't share the aspects of his life that he normally would had they been dating. That's why it's important to be interested in WHO your date is and not WHAT. Cheers.
dropdeadlegs Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 In the immediate aftermath of a relationships end, dating and being free is enticing. Unfortunately it is exhausting and I don't really like dating. It is nice to get to know new people, but I like the comfort of deep, committed, lasting relationships. I guess that makes me a serial relationship seeker. I have never really been alone for any length of time. I wasn't capable of that, but I think in the event of another breakup I would take time for myself. Part of believing that I am now capable of being alone is that I think it would take me a long time to get over my current SO and that, after him, I would find many more men incomparable than I ever did before. It is hard to imagine that I could find someone I am more compatible with. I'm not surprised that you are feeling ready to settle down again so soon. I was more surprised that you were doing the serial dating based on my limited knowledge of you. You just come across as a keeper to me. While a few really enjoy playing the field, many more prefer something more certain. So, how does one find that someone special without continuing to fish in the pond? That's the question.
tanbark813 Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 If they're just "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" dates, he isn't considering any of them for the long term and as such, wouldn't share the aspects of his life that he normally would had they been dating. That's why it's important to be interested in WHO your date is and not WHAT. Cheers. It's possible to watch a movie at home with a girl without banging her. Cheers.
oppath Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I'm not convinced her can't bang her too. What is wrong with that? I know -- you may lead someone on -- but you can not lead someone on and still have sex. Sometimes. In the right situation. Not likely though What is sounds like, Krytie, is that the initial spell of meeting a lot of women and going out with them is wearing off. You are now realizing that it definitely takes time, no matter how many women you meet, to find someone you truly connect with, and you are starting to realize that many activities, even sex, aren't all that fulfilling unless they are with someone you really like. Keep dating, and wait until you find someone you really like!
Author Krytie TV Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 If they're just "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" dates, he isn't considering any of them for the long term and as such, wouldn't share the aspects of his life that he normally would had they been dating. That's why it's important to be interested in WHO your date is and not WHAT. Hmm... I can't tell if I'm being judged here or not...
CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 It's possible to watch a movie at home with a girl without banging her. Cheers. I don't disagree, but perhaps, he can't
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Hmm... I can't tell if I'm being judged here or not... Who cares if you are?
Author Krytie TV Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Thank you all for the comments, and your assessments were quite accurate. The friendships I have currently are not the cuddle on the couch kind. One is married, one is a purely "going out" kind of person, and I don't think the guys would like to cuddle with me. The person I actually would do this kind of activity with is, contrary to CG's statement, the one I'm "whamming and bamming", however, she is very busy. Yes, as many said, I am growing weary of the many superficial relationships in contrast to few (or one) deep ones. Not to the point of exhaustion, but rather to the point where the idea of being with one person is becoming an enticing thought again. As such, I think I'm becoming a bit more selective in those I engage with and casting a narrower net. At the beginning I was like a kid at the candy store, now I'm more of a single in a video store. The dates are fewer because I am being pickier. I don't know if others can relate, but cuddling on the couch in the dark watching bad B horror flicks is not an activity that I can engage in with just anyone. It represents something more than just a "friendship" kind of thing. It's more of an intimate connection with someone I feel comfortable with. I don't feel that level of comfort in a casual relationship. But thanks for dialogging with me on my thoughts. Best if I don't obsess on it though. Back at it
CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Hmm... I can't tell if I'm being judged here or not... Nope. And not the point of my reply. I am asking if you see these dates as long term potential or just as filler material.
Author Krytie TV Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Who cares if you are? Me... I'm sensitive
Author Krytie TV Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Nope. And not the point of my reply. I am asking if you see these dates as long term potential or just as filler material. I consider them all filler unless I'm shown otherwise. I've finally learned not to have any preconceptions or expectations going into a dating relationship.
CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I consider them all filler unless I'm shown otherwise. I've finally learned not to have any preconceptions or expectations going into a dating relationship. Then with that said you will not find any long term potential in any of these dates if you view them that way. I agree you should date as many women as you can (without being intimate with them) so you can evaluate them to see which is the best LONG TERM fit. Dating in this manner insures that you don't put all your eggs in one basket, helps build your confidence and helps make you more comfortable around the opposite sex. Best of luck!
dropdeadlegs Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 I don't know if others can relate, but cuddling on the couch in the dark watching bad B horror flicks is not an activity that I can engage in with just anyone. It represents something more than just a "friendship" kind of thing. It's more of an intimate connection with someone I feel comfortable with. I don't feel that level of comfort in a casual relationship. Insert "quality films" where bolded and I can totally relate. Cuddling leads to, well....whamming and bamming, which is always more enjoyable when there is a connection with your partner.
Sleek Geek Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 One of the things I miss the most about my ex was our Friday evening ritual. We would rent whatever comedies we could get our hands on, order in pizza or chinese and spend the evening cuddling and watching movies. Now I feel lame when I stay in on a Friday night. And this thread is making me really long for a good committed relationship. Especially Dropdead's. I miss cuddling. And it's true, there's not much cuddling when you date. Making out tends to be more agressive or something. More garded too.
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Me... I'm sensitive I know. That's what I love about ya.
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