starlite Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I havent even had a chance to really even let my break up sink in. 2.5 years down the drain. My question is this... How do you get past the thoughts of what you had planned for the future: possible engagement in the next year...he was my plus 1 for a wedding...holidays... How do you get past feeling completely sick everytime you realize he could be out there meeting someone else, and someone else gets to be loved by him...etc How do you get through those mind numbing thoughts?
alwayshurt Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 nothing much you can do at the moment. Eventually they will go away. You need to force yourself to keep your mind busy (work, hobbies, friends etc.) and move on. I know it is not easy and what you want to hear. deal with your emotions. A lot of people are going through this, myself included. Remember we have not power on other people, cannot control their feelings, cannot make them love us. But we definetely have power on ourself. Finding happiness within ourself is what makes us stronger and happier in a relationships. Basing our happiness on somedody else is what makes us weak and suffering. Relationship cannot last forever (think everybody has to die eventually) but as long as you are alive you have to deal with yourself. Be strong and I can guarantee you that sometime from now you will think differently because if you love sombody that dumped that much it means he does not deserve you and you definetely deserve better. Good luck.
Jmina Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 well it depends if your willing or not. if your not wiling to think something else yet, then you wont be able to. thoughts are just thoughts, they have no meaning. if you really want to think something else, then soon as a bad thought comes into your head use the stop method and jsut say out loud or think firmly 'stop' stop it in its tracks and think about something wonderful for you. it is possible to change your thoughts no matter how depressing or how deeply attatched you are to them. if you have been able to stop and good thoughts come into your mind then you are able to do the opposite adn stop the bad thoughts from coming into your mind.
Curious139 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 It can be helpful to have some positive images to keep in a mental back-pocket. Something which you are proud of or made you laugh and isn't connected to your ex. When the sad thoughts crowd in, pull up the happy memory and you'll feel better. This strategy won't overcome everything right away but after a while it works. There are other things - make yourself smile for 5 minutes no matter how bad you feel. Your brain interprets smiling as happy so you begin to feel better. Look up, not down, hold your body erect when walking, don't slump. I know exactly what you mean about the thoughts filling your mind - it is torture. You have to tell them to stop. When they occur you can pinch yourself (I used to squeeze my earlobe!) and the pain distracts and reminds you to think of something else. At the heart of it, be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, it is normal and necessary. Don't expect to not think about your ex, that would be unnatural so you have to let the feelings out. Some people set aside a time each day and a place where they sit down and cry, let it all out. 10 minutes, half an hour, whatever, but once time is up, you get up and go back to everyday life. Hope this helps.
bloodaye Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 there is nothing u can do,i recently went thru the same BS,i got over missing her,but then i started getting images of her wwith some other guy,doing what we used to do,or even better,and this guy makes her more happy,u know he has more money takes her to fancier places stuff like that,and the thought of her being turned on by this dude made me literally sick,and i mean sick,i had to take days off of work cause of this crap,i drank,i took days of work,i was making myself sick and wasting money cause of this and losing money cause i culdnt face being at work,its horrible.all i can say is,nothing will get rid of those thoughts,i know u hear people saying to take ur mind of it by occupying urself,but who the **** can concentrate on **** with these images on ur brain?It doesnt work,the only thing i can suggest is think about it till u get sick of it,dont drink,and i stress that,when u r depressed and come off of a drunk u wake up in hell,trust me,drinking is a temporary relief,but in the morning when u wake to reality,u r screwed.
Author starlite Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Thank you all for your replies. Curious, yours was certainly the most uplifting...but blood, yours was very honest but both hold much truth to me. It is hard. I am dealing, so far, suprisingly ok...but I am sad and hurt. I mean, 2.5 years. But part of me knew this was going to happen at some point. We just havent been able to make eachother happy, we wanted different things. Oh, and dont worry, I'm not a drinker. I havent really fought off thoughts of him, but i dont know. It's funny cause I talked to one of my gf's last night and i started rattling off the reasons things werent working for me. Nobody saw this coming! Everyone is so surprised. We fought so much!!!! So much! Too much! I am going to take your advice Curious and see how it all works out. The final nail isnt even in the coffin yet, he still has to come get all his big stuff. He did take all his clothes and bath accessories etc.
bloodaye Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 im sry i didnt mean it to b a downer for u,that wasnt my intention,sometimes u just gotta face what is fact,i feel for u i really do,im dealing with things myself right now,and maybe i shuldnt post when my mind isnt clear.Im sry.
Author starlite Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Oh, that is really nice of you. You were being honest, it didnt hurt my feelings at all. People try and cope in different ways. Sometimes I think like you do, on the negative side but I know it is true...other times I try and think really posotive and get through it telling myself how "strong" i can be etc. I appreciate any thoughts. I'm sorry you are oing through a hard time as well. It just Sucks!
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