Bosiell Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Hey again Spind. Soz to hear you are not any brighter . Any reason generally for that?? Good to hear I suppose its not just because of your ex tho. You must feel better now you are at the thank god thats over stage and now enjoying your freedom. And that you have taken something positive from the relationship. I am better thanks, not perfect, and certainly not at a thank god thats over stage. Still think of her every minute, miss her like crazy, so want her back. But I am at least now getting on with life. Joined a gym, arranging nites out with friends etc, genarally for the most part looking forward, small steps, 2 forward 1 back
Spinderella Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Hello again Bosiell. At least it is 2 forward, 1 back and not the other way round! Keep going, you will get there. You are doing all the right things. Just roll with it, I think is always best. Ride it. I'm probably not doing that very well at the moment myself. Not with that situation, but with others. Give me a week, and I will be okay again, I know it. Jmina, Hope youre doing okay. You need to stop us from taking over your thread!
Author Jmina Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 I am okay, just miss my ex so much. i dont have any resentment, anger etc i just miss her with all my heart. it will take a life time to forget her. ergh. guess i'm down about it today. im waiting for her to send some photos of our puppy, she suprised me when she said "i will send you some photos even if we're fighting" so im kind of waiting for them to come.
Spinderella Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Jmina, Sorry to hear you are having a bad day. Perhaps the continued contact, or waiting for it (photos) is hindering your progress here. Maybe you need to try to change your habitual thoughts when thinking about her. Its hard to get over someone when you keep telling yourself "I will never get over her". I know, because I've been there in other ways, not in relationships but with other things, continuing a thought process that told me I would never heal from something. And of course, I didnt. Then I changed it to, "I am glad I am healed". And it worked.
Bosiell Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Hey Spind and Jmina Yeah Jmina, I can relate to the lack of anger and resentment to your ex, I feel the same, wish I did feel some bitterness, would have helped for sure. Sorry to hear you feeling down today. Hope you got the pics, whether you will feel any better for seeing them I dont know. Its true what Spind is saying. If you keep telling yourself I will never get over her,then you defo hindering any recovery. You WILL get over this, in time, and be happy again Spind, yeah few small steps forward her and there. Last nite a fell back a few tho, sooo frustrating, but I have told myself that that there are gonna be some lower days and not to beat myself up to much with them. Got a book delievered this morning, which I will be reading and hope will help. Gym again this afternoon and then round to a friends with a pizza and bottle of Jim Beam. take care all /hugs
Author Jmina Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 hey bos and spind. hope your feeling better. xx i agree with some of your posts but I'mi also dont agree with some other parts. its different for everyone, and my case isnt mainstream at all!! its far from it. i would cradle my ex like a child, because i loved her like a child, i would make love to my ex because she had my heart and cradled my soul, i would appreciate her friendship and fun because she was a great friend too. a big part of my love for my ex is for her as a person. and that is why i will always love her. I know i will be happy again one day, im already alot happier, but i will never completely get over the loss of her as a person, as a friend, and someone i held so dear to my heart and soul. she did what she had to do by disapering out of my life. i get angry sometimes, but usually its an attempt at holding onto something, i always let it go, and each time it lasts a smaller amount of time, and there is a long time in between these feelings. mostly there is just a pure love i have. an unconditional love, and it will last forever. and it does bring happiness too as it is my heart opening up, instead of closing off. its like loosing someone to death. how do you ever get 'over it' really... there will always be an emptyness in your heart that they used to fill. sure my next lover will allow my heart to grow, and the hole will become smaller, maybe disaper, but i will always have a love for my ex, as a person. for her heart and for her soul. not exactly intimate. i will always wonder what she is doing, and ill always keep her in my prayers. ill think about her parents and wonder how they are, as it was a pleasure knowing them, especially her dad.. and i know she will think about my family too. i know she thinks about me, but thats as far as she is prepared to let it go. when we were friends before we came an item and i hadnt seen her for almost a year, it was the same. i always held her close to my heart. i refuse to close my heart and stay angry or resent. i am making a choice to do this. not saying i havnt allowed myself to feel these feelings but i always resolve it by remembering she did her best at any given time. i know in my heart she isnt a bad person. and i know in my heart that she didnt have the tools to know how to deal with the breakup of someone she loved dearly who was hanging onto every thread they could to get her back in their life when all she wanted was time apart. our relationship was created during a VERY hard time for both of us. and the break up took its toll on both of us. if it was a different time, when other things were okay then it would have come out differently, but its not, and life is hard for my ex and was for me but ive pulled through my hardships. there isnt enough room in my ex's life for me and making peace right now. which is why i stear far away and love her from afar. thanks guys for your help. Bos i hope you have fun at your friends! i wish i was out with pizza and a bottle of beam! Spinderella i do change my habitual thoughts i make sure i dont torture myself long enough! lol. my human spirit is very strong. keep posting! Jmina
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 You know I am asking myself the same question this morning. I am so tired of being pathetic. I am tired of the fact that I have given all of this power to another person. Yesterday I was so sad. Today I felt good, but just mailed off the disc with all of his photos from my comptuer. And NOW I am pissed because I just had to send a text telling him I put it in the mail... I couldn't just send it? Then I get mad because there is no response. I send two more.. baiting.. but still nice enough. It's ridiculous! This person doesn't care about me anymore. I am torturing myself and have now realized he's an a-hole who beat me down emotionally so now I feel like I can't live without him. I let this happen!! I am sorry, I am so angry right now. All because he wouldn't text me back saying thank you. I miss him. I am sad, I want him to validate me.. Sorry if I went off on a tangent. Hang in there guys. We are not alone..I am not going to let this ruin my day. I am not going to let ME ruin my day .
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 You are so right Jmina. We are choosing to do this.. I mean we are human but I just let myself get so upset over a text message. It set me off.. that's all it took? For the rest of the day I am going to concentrate on work, what I can do to have a good day and not on why my ex won't text me back. I have the option to dwell.. but for this moment, I am not going to. Thanks for letting me vent.
Spinderella Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Jmina, it sounds as though you love her an awful lot. You are right, and Bosiell, this for you too, that it is better to not be bitter, but to love unconditionally, and from afar. I AM going to ask one thing though, and that is, that when your love reaches a truly and consistently unconditional stage, then would you be hurt still? I dont know if you would, but definetly this is something we should all strive for. So VERY good post Jmina, and something that lots of people here could learn from. If everyone stopped trying to aim to get the ex back, but aimed instead to love the ex unconditionally and from afar, then that would be far better time spent. New to the blog thing. Why do you think you need someone who will not answer your message to validate you? If you are going to let someone else validate you, then make it someone who will do a better job of it. ((hugs)) to you all. Bosiell, envy you tonight, dont envy you tommorrow morning, so you can quit bragging
Author Jmina Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Hey guys! thanks for your posts! newtotheblogthing:yeah we are choosing to feel whatever we are feeling by thinking thoughts that arent benefical to us at all. i have learnt how to change my thoughts and feelings about myself and my ex and i become much more peaceful! sometimes it is still a struggle but thats okay. i would rather that, than be an airy fairy out of touch human being that hasnt felt much at all. Spind you asked that when your love reaches a truly and consistently unconditional stage, then would you be hurt still? well, i don't really know. but i am striving to stay open hearted, use the pain for valuble lessons. i think i will always be a little hurt but really from the loss of her out my life not directly from her and her actions. we do what we have to do. i cant really hold anything against her, except for upsetting me in the breakup but if she had a different understand of things then she would have gone about it differently, so i dont resent her, and i dont really have the attention span (or energy) to hold grudges!! i really dont know how people hold grudges for years,so much bad energy to cope with its not fair on yourself. i just want both of us to be happy. at this point i am still saddened...but i am able to go out and have a great time to and feel v. happy. i often feel peacful and content with myself and spending time alone. i dont NEED anyone anymore for that. Jmina
Bosiell Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Good morning all.. inc Newto And yeah I feel a bit sensetive this morning, the Beam hit me hard last nite! Was good tho and I didnt get to emotional either later on. I did have a 40min walk home tho at 2am, lots of things going through my head during that time as you can imagine. Some really nice posts to I have read. Jmina, I can now understand your position a little better now. You truly must have had something really special between you both. Really sorry it didnt work out for whatever reasons. I do hope your heart will heal in time. But of course it seems a part of your heart will always be with your ex, I see no problem with that. You do seem to be coping with it well tho and for the most looking forward, being strong and finding peace and contentment, something I make an effort also to do. Security within oneself is very important. Spind. I never want to be bitter to anyone, just not in my nature. Just that I know I wouldnt be feeling the way I am and hurt the way I did, if I could hold some bitterness to her. But I just cant. I know she wanted to love me to, she always honest and genuine to me, but she just couldnt. I would of rather she told me she was seeing someone else, or she just didnt want a relationship at this time, then know I would have gotten over this much easier. As for trying to get her back. Well I cannot see that happening It hurts to say. It is her birthday on Friday. I have already have a card for her, which I will post, also saying I hope she is ok etc. But part of me so wants also to write her a letter. Saying still how I feel for her and how I sad I am that it did not work out between us. I know she knows this already, but I feel I never really explained things to her as well as I wanted at the initial break up. Now the dust has settled a bit and think I can be more mature and rational with what I say. I am not really doing this to try and get her back tho, I dont think that will happen. But just really to let her know again that I will not forget her in a hurry and that times we spent we incredibly special to me. But I am concerned that she will just either ignore it and not even thank me, or even worse tell me to stop bothering her, she is seeing someone else etc. If that happens then I know I will take a big step back from my recovery. Suppose this is a similar position to what you were in Newto. Anyway, I have ranted enough for now Gonna hit the gym now, try and sweat out the bourbon! Take care all, have a good day, /hugs
Recommended Posts