beau_cauchemar Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Old post here for more background > http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t130296/ I tried to make it as to-the-point as possible. Any help is really appreciated. My heart and sanity are taking a beating. Late June - Broke up. After 3 1/2 years she needed some space in order to figure herself out. Our sparks had simmered and she was most likely leaving in an attempt to feel attractive/confident to someone again and to not have the stresses of our current relationship. July - Having lived with her I began to look for an apartment. In response to the pain of breaking up and feeling single again I pursued a couple different girls that quickly turned to nothing. By the end of July I began to feel lonely, and not having any prospects on the horizon began to truly mourne my loss. August - As my friends began to fall off due to changes in moods/schedules, I started to feel really alone. Then about 2 weeks before my planned move (from her place), she is introduced to a guy though her friends (a 28-year-old guy also recently out of a 3 year relationship/engagement) whom after a few drinks starts a casual sex relationship/fling with her. By the way, I am 21 and she is 20. I find out after she tells me and am crushed. Having only been with me I was stunned with her sudden decision to have sex (after claiming that she didn't want a relationship) and am left at home to watch her go out with the guy many a night. Late August - As soon as I get the word that I can move in to my new place I tell her that instead of gradually moving out, that I would be out that night for good. She is obviously surprised at the sudden move and allows me to leave without much of a goodbye but seemed sad. I begin NC immediately. September - Having moved out 1/2 of my stuff that one night in August, I speak with her mother (who lives with her) and arrange a date to pick up all that is left. It is now the middle of September. My ex calls me for the first time since my moving out to make sure I was coming on the day mentioned to pick up my stuff. I knew that she didn't have to confirm it as it was just a couple days ago that I spoke with her mom but she apparently wanted to use that as her excuse for calling anyway. She quickly moved the conversation to how I had taken her off MySpace and how it appeared that I didn't want to speak with her (hence the NC.) I replied by saying that my actions were merely to help the healing process and to not be constantly reminded of her AND also explaining that she was more than welcome to call me anytime to talk. She seemed upset and got off the phone. THE ISSUE: Recently I spoke with a mutual friend who explained that she seemed excited about her new fling, how it seemed like things are moving quite fast towards relationship territory, and that there seemed to be no obvious concern for me anymore. The friend's advice was that I should move on at this point BUT after having talked with her mom was told that it was not as serious as I was led to believe (in her mom's opinion.) It has now been nearly 3 weeks since my ex's call and 1 month since moving out and still no further contact has been made. Saddly enough it is not getting any easier being without her. Being social, attracting other girls, going out and doing things, nothing seems to be helping much these days. Not having her in my life has not only left me without a lover but has me without my best friend of 4 years. With how she sounded on the phone it now has me wondering if I hurt her to the point of not wanting to contact me again. I'd like to believe that she is beginning to lose her excitement with her fling and is beginning to miss me but just hasn't the guts to contact me yet. (This being a possibility since we loved eachother very much for our entire 3+ year relationship.) After the breakup and at the start of her fling I expressed in detail how much I loved her, how it was foolish of my to have taken her for granted, and how I wanted to make things right. Her declining reponses were that of a girl who seemed to still have love left for me but seemed too temped by the thought of how other guys could make her feel rather than to get back with me right away. Again, seeing her desire for a stress-free sexual vacation in order for her to feel free again (which seems temporary.) THE QUESTION: Whould it be good to break NC in my case? I fear my sudden NC and cutting her out of my life has caused her to not want to contact me or for her to feel that the love I expressed is now gone (which it isn't.) Or could it be that she apprecates my willingness to let her go and she will come around to contacting me eventually? (She was afterall my best friend of 4 years with hardly a couple days passing without contact.) Please, any help is greatly appreciated. I really do love this girl. -James
Aintayankee Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 You might email or post on her myspace, that you hope she is doing great. Maybe tell her you don't want to bother her, and you just want her to be happy. Ask how her mother is doing. But dont call her or anything. Maybe text her. But do it only once, keep it brief and to the point, and stuff. Maybe you could appologize for just up and leaving so fast. The members on here would strongly caution with breaking NC. I do to.
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