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Posted

I've been in a relationship with my fiancee for 8 years now.. engaged for 2.

 

We've had issues and we've fought but for 7.9 years everything was wonderful, and it didn't just seem so in my eyes but she appeared to feel the same way.

 

Now everyone has their issues and I hate to say this but for a long time she's been depressed and reclusive but ultimately (apparently) happy with me. We had fun together and laughed together and were excited to be together...

 

Up until suddenly earlier this month.

She met someone online and had a flirty fling with him. She insisted she was still madly in love with me but just loved the attention.

 

Later on she started having "feelings" that she still loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me but she wanted to explore herself sexually and have random flings with people. This lead to many a fight and eventually to us (myself foolishly because I only agreed because i was so happy with her) agreeing to an open relationship. Which lasted about 1 week. She told me she had a good time with a guy and I was devastated.

 

We decided that we need a break and that we should explore ourselves. She says time and time again that she still "loves" me and she needs some time and I'm honestly willing to give it to her. I want to be with her.. I just don't see how 8 years of a relationship something that up until a couple of weeks ago was going stronger than ever.. suddenly she gets a taste of another guy being interested in her and she's suddenly confused about her love for me..

 

She's not asking me to wait.. She does say she feels in her heart that we're mean to be together just she needs time to figure herself out and build her total lack of self esteem.

 

I just want to be with her. It sounds sucky.. but there was no warning. For me anyways.. Okay you could reference the last month but other than that it was great great great... boom totally different.. it was like night and day one day..

 

So am i an idiot for waiting or should I just forget about her.. And if so.. How? How do i forget about someone that i just feel is lost and will eventually find herself and realize that we had a good thing.. we did anything adn everything for eachother and life was good.

 

Like really good.. we both seemed to light up at the sight of eachother..

I would drop her off at work and smile all the way back to the car.. Her friends would tell her what a great boyfriend she has..

 

She would drop me off and my buddies would tell me what a great girl i had.. And she would tell me when i got home how much she missed me and wished i was hope..

 

All until that one day.

 

Then i was (and according to her testimony) still important but she had more fun doing other things.

 

I just feel like she's just lost her individual self and If i really want to be with her as bad as i do I'll stick it out and wait..

But am i being a fool..

Can feelings really change that fast. Is it just that easy to do a 180 on your emotions for someone?

 

Painfully waiting for the call home.

 

PS: On thursday i moved out of her place and into my friends apt for what we both (read: she) says is just temporary.

We talked every day since then and then not yesterday..

She sent me a weird email.

 

Saying she has some things she has to say.. in person.. and as soon as i get a minute. . call her..

that she

"Misses me always, and loves me always"

and she even did our special XOXO type of thing..

 

I'm anxious to call thinking it could be great news.. maybe this pain will be over..

 

I'm afriad to call incase it's an "I've had 4 days to think it over.. come pick up your crap and get it out of my house" kinda deal.

 

Gawd i feel so incredibly pathetic.. but so incredibly in love.

 

-Blindsided.

Posted

Just my honest opinion here... She sounds like she has a mild case of the prin-cess-itis... I know you were thinking that you HAD to agree to an open relationship or risk losing her.. If this ever occurs again, put your foot down in a calm yet firm manner. Say that if that is the life she would like to lead, then she will do it without you...and walk your happy ass out the door. She sees you as an option that she can reclaim at any time.. She HAS to know that having flings, etc... is out of the question and that at anytime she cheats, even online flings, you will walk away.

 

I was only in a 4 year relationship and it hurt when she walked away...HORRIBLE pain! You are not a sucker for feeling this pain. Just know that you will be OK with or without her. I know it's not what you want to hear...you want her! Well, you want the old her and the old her is not there right now...she left a while back. Even if it seems all of a sudden, she's been feeling these feelings for a while. Her feelings don't just change over night. She has been mulling this over for a while and only now has the courage to bring it up.

 

Who knows what the conversation she wants to have with you will entail. I would be very careful not to just jump back into the bf role if I were you. It is a decision that you will have to make but if you just jump back in she knows that at any time she can do this again and you will come running back to her. If she seriously got it out of her system, that's one thing, but it will be hard to tell....

 

It's a tough call... good luck man!!!!

Posted

I think Travis has a point. She is not the same person anymore. If I were you I wouldn't call or meet with her. She just need to understand that she did bad to you and you're gone. If she really loves you she will eventually beg you to go back to her and even then I wouldn't open my door to her. In this case the NC is what I would do and hopefully you'll get over her. I could never stand an open relationship if I am in love with the person. It only going to cause you more pain. Be strong and try to be a man in. She will soon realize what she's lost.

Posted
I just feel like she's just lost her individual self and If i really want to be with her as bad as i do I'll stick it out and wait..
I'm not trying to be harsh but how long would you willing to stick it out and wait? 1 year? 5? 10? Are you okay with being the guy she settles for when she's done having fun? What if she never comes back?

 

But am i being a fool..
No, I think you love her and you're being a pushover. You may have lost a little of her respect when you agreed to an open relationship (one where she sees another guy and you wish she was home with you).

 

Is it just that easy to do a 180 on your emotions for someone?
Agreeing with Travis L here. No they don't. People think about things for a while and then act on them under favorable circumstances. She met a guy she liked, he was interested, she got your permission to date him and now she's seeing him. There isn't any real mystery here. She may care about you...but not as much as you care about her. Don't keep waiting for her. Please do not let her hurt you with any sort of "talk."

 

I think you should go get your stuff. Surprise her. She may just wonder what she messed up.

Posted

Sounds pretty similar to my case. Though I'm doing a lot better now.

 

Sounds like an issue of excitement and maybe anxiety knowing that marriage is the next step, and she might be afraid of moving forward not knowing if she is missing out on anything. It's a general lack of the "in love" factor, she loves you, but maybe feels a lack of excitement in the relationship. Sometimes all you need is to move the furniture around and a new coat of paint, you don't always have to buy a new house when you get tired of it...

Posted

Wow. She doesn't care about you at all, if she wants to be intimate with other people and you're not involved. A threesome is cool in my books if both people are up for it, but wanting to sew her sexual oats is pure BS. Was she a virgin when you guys got together or something?

 

 

I'd get out now before you realize that she's not content with you. Her desire for other men is a serious problem and it won't change IMHO (barring a life changing event). I know that you're attached to her, but get out and stay out. It's not too late to start over with someone that isn't a total whore. Not to mention the risk she is putting you and herself in by sleeping around for the sake of sleeping around.

 

I put up with repeated infidelity and understand the desire to stay. But TBPH, it changed me, just like it'll change you over time. Be strong and move on now, before you waste more time with someone that doesn't care about you. Wanting to sleep around is a purely selfish act, regardless of permission or not (because obviously you're not really cool with it and just doing it to please her).

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