DRDimeMami Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Ok I'm stuck between two guys. One is a friend who I've been knowing for about two years. I met him through my best friend and we speak online almost everyday and a few times on the phone since he lives in a different state. I have a boyfriend who I've been with for almost 8 months now but things have been going downhill. Some problems occurred and my family doesn't want me with him anymore but we still are together. Recently, that guy friend, told me he liked me but nothing could possibly happen right now since I'm taken. He might move down to where I'm at in about a year and I've told him if we're both single then maybe we can see what happens in the future. So I don't know what to do! Stay with my boyfriend and see if our situation gets better? Or keep talking to this friend and see how things turn out with him? I have a little crush on this friend and I'm kind of curious to test the waters out.. but what if it doesn't work out? I'll be left without both of them. Any advice?
BeautifulMusic Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 It sounds like you don't have a decision to make on this for another YEAR. That's plenty of time. Work on your relationship with your boyfriend as if this other guy was not a possibility. If it works out and you're happy, then good. If not, then you'll be single in another year when this guy moves near you. And who's to say you'll still like him by then, anyway? It's not a smart move to give up your boyfriend for this other guy, since you can't really see this other guy right now, anyway.
tanbark813 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Not to be mean but this is the kind of situation that turns guys bitter. If you're not happy with your bf to the point of contemplating being with someone else, then break up with him and do yourselves both a favor. This other guy isn't even relevant. Don't stay with your bf just because you're afraid of being alone. That's lame.
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I'll be left without both of them. What's more important to you, a healthy and functional relationship with one man or not being alone?
BeautifulMusic Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 It sounded to me more like the reason why she was considering breaking up with him was family pressure. The other guy, it seems to me, is just a convenient distraction while she's trying to convince herself that she'd be OK with breaking up with her boyfriend. I realize that's an assumption on my part, but based on the way she wrote it, it wasn't really clear to me. I didn't take it the way y'all did, though.
bish Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 So I don't know what to do! Stay with my boyfriend and see if our situation gets better? Or keep talking to this friend and see how things turn out with him? I have a little crush on this friend and I'm kind of curious to test the waters out.. but what if it doesn't work out? I'll be left without both of them. Any advice? You're just going to have to take that risk of not being with either of them sorry to say. You shouldn't be talking to this other guy and keeping your bf dangling on a string. Either break up with him and pursue the other guy....or show your current bf some respect and go no contact with this other guy. Because as long as this other guy is in the picture, there is NO working on making things better with your bf. Pick one or the other....but not both.
BeautifulMusic Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Because as long as this other guy is in the picture, there is NO working on making things better with your bf.quote] Exactly.
Author DRDimeMami Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 I guess this guy friend is just a distraction. Things with my boyfriend and I are so-so right now. Since my family doesn't want me with him anymore because of what happened, I barely see him. The only way I see him is behind their backs, which I know is wrong. They know we still talk and I guess that we are still together but they don't know when we see each other even though I have been caught. And this whole not seeing each other thing has been making me feel like I should just let him go and I'll be alright without him and I can find someone else (possibly that guy friend but that doesn't really matter). He feels the same and we've tried breaking up mutually but we end up not doing anything and staying together. Today we saw each other and spent some time together and he said he needs to see me more often like before so maybe that's why I feel this way.
BeautifulMusic Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Would you and/or your boyfriend want to break up if your family wasn't pressuring you to do that?
tanbark813 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Today we saw each other and spent some time together and he said he needs to see me more often like before so maybe that's why I feel this way. He would probably find it easier to move on if you told him you're interested in some other guy.
oppath Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Ok, you need to share "what happened" with us to give us some perspective. If this other guy is a distraction, you need to tell him "I'm in a relationship, and it isn't fair to him how I've been talking with you." Period. Otherwise, break up with your current boyfriend, and be as honest as you can with him. If your feelings for him aren't progressing, let him know it is over and you don't feel you are a fit for each other. No false hopes, no nothing. Be assertive in your relationship, whether that means loving your boyfriend, or hurting him.
musikaprinsesa Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 take your time and enjoy datign ehehe
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Not to be mean but this is the kind of situation that turns guys bitter. If you're not happy with your bf to the point of contemplating being with someone else, then break up with him and do yourselves both a favor. This other guy isn't even relevant. Don't stay with your bf just because you're afraid of being alone. That's lame. Agreed. LAME. He would probably find it easier to move on if you told him you're interested in some other guy. Word.
oppath Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Listen to SG on this. She's a woman who has likely been on both sides at least to the point she understands that nothing hurts more than the soft sell. People are always trying to "spare his/her feelings" and 9/10 times, when you try to do that through passive behavior or dishonesty or anything that can be construed as false hope, all you do is prolong that person's healing. It hurts the same amount initially, but in the long run, it hurts more if you have to question the entire relationship as being real if the person was passive or dishonest in the end. If another guy is making you doubt your current relationship, you have to either cut him off completely, or break up with your current bf. As Tanny says, the other guy is really irrelevant; what is relevant is that if your feelings have changed to the point you are contemplating another guy, they aren't that strong to begin with, and all you are doing is leading him on. Basically you are manipulating and deceiving him into believing you and your relationship are something other than what they actually are. I'm not saying break up, I'm saying get rid of the other guy, and if you aren't feeling more strongly about your bf, just break up with him and BE ON YOUR OWN! Worry about the other guy IF he moves to your town. Don't premeditate it, as you will just set yourself up for heartbreak that way.
Recommended Posts