Newtotheblogthing Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I have posted twice so far. Once about the initial happenings and then about the fact I slept with my ex all in the hopes of one day getting him back: Here's one: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t129580/ Well, it's finally over, we are not getting back together, it hurts like hell and now I am ANGRY. I am angry because I spent 3 years in a bad relationship and even when I finally left it, I managed to romanticize it enough to think that I wanted him back. That we could do things differently this time. I am angry at myself for turning into the person I am right now. Has anyone done this? Become so dependent upon someone that you completely lose sight of what a real and healthy relationship is like? What it's supposed to be? You will do anything to hang onto that one and only person who loves you? Even if it's the WRONG kind of love.. I spent 3 years with my ex and during that time it was filled with love but also drug use, verbal abuse and borderline physical abuse. We were happy one minute, fighting viciously the next. But neither of us left. And after spending almost 5 months away from him, I found out he had a new girlfriend and freaked out! Why?? What we had almost killed me. I had to go to rehab in order to finally get some distance and then 5 months sober I am still crying about him. I still love this person. Why is it that I knew it was unhealthy for both of us but couldn't stay away from him? I kept trying to get him back, finally slept with him and now I am feeling the loss all over again. I want to scream at him, tell him he ruined me, he hurt me, what we went through turned me into a crazy person. I had hopes for us, I had love for him.. I want to hate him. I want to blame him when the truth is that he is as disappointed in me as I am in him. I failed. He failed and the relationship failed. Am I making any sense. This person is someone I went through so much with and when it was obviously we couldn't be together, I couldn't accept it. I feel horrible. I love him despite the fact I shouldn't. Am I the only one who has done this? Is my self esteem so low that I will settle for the wrong kind of love? I guess it was. Now I have to find strength rebuild my life and move on.. I argued with him today and it reminded me of what it had been like. The way we don't communicate, how angry he gets and how I will forgo my feelings in order to make things ok. Not anymore. I told him I would mail him the computer files and not to contact me anymore. I HAVE to move on!!
Author Newtotheblogthing Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 Someone wrote this on another post. A real relationship enhances who you are, not changes you into something you're not. This is what I believe as well. I am directing my anger at him when I am really angry with myself for staying in a situation that wasn't good for me. For losing myself completely.
amaysngrace Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Someone wrote this on another post. A real relationship enhances who you are, not changes you into something you're not. Hey I wrote that! But it's true. He brought out the very worst in you. And yes, I've been in relationships like that before and they suck. Even my marriage was like that. But I'm a stronger person now because of all the crap I've been through and you sound like you are too. I like to think of it like this "I'd rather be alone than be with THAT"
Author Newtotheblogthing Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 Thanks for that Amaysngrace. It's been difficult and somehow everything has shifted. I have just decided that in order to have the life I would like, I have to quit with the delusions and just face the facts. It's over. I can talk it to death, the what should I do? How do I get him back?but if I really want to get well and enjoy the life that's waiting for me, then I have to put things into action. Listen to advice, move on and get on with things. Thanks to those who listened. "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 I believe a guy like that loves you out of convienience for him. For example - Convieniant For Him - A guy says he loves you or has strong feelings for you when he wants something such as - forgiveness, attention, someone to fill up his spare time, something to brag about to the lads, affection, sex, sex again, a blow job, a favour, or wants you to do something like wash up or iron etc When it suits him. It's Inconvieniant For Him - A guy who claims to love you/has strong feelings for you and has said so in the past disappears when - you want to see him, when you need him, when you need to talk to him, when you're late for your period and worried, when you're pregnant, when you're down or depressed, or when he see's someone else he fancies a bit of, or when his mates show up and youre there, or when you need a favour from him. etc Then if you become more inconvieniant than convieniant for his own selfish need poof relationship gone, on to the next. Sorry if thats not much help, i am suffering for man hate in a very severe way right now.
Sanslatete Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 I can appreciate your feelings, but I did the loving bit for all the right reasons and I still got **** on, so, what gives!? I did the opening doors, shopping with her, wandering around women's clothes shops, listening to her music bit and she still saw fit to rip my heart out and go behind my back with someone else. Seems you can't win either way.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted September 29, 2007 Posted September 29, 2007 Oh yeah, women can be just as bad, it's just sadly there's more men like that than women out there.. and as seen as i was replying to a girl who has been hurt by a guy i left out the bit that women can be just as bad.
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