NorCalDave Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 ...and she simply doesn't call anymore.....and she was bitter, rude, cold and aloof the last few times I saw her....what is there to dwell on? She wants to move on, she doesn't want me in her life, she probably never thinks about me, and could care less about how my life is going. That is what hurts me as I think about her from time to time. If she ever loved me like she said she did, she would never abandon me 3 times. It's definitely my fault for ALLOWING her to leave me multiple times, and being a doormat nice-guy, but all along I thought she was on my side, I thought she was someone I could call if I was ever feeling low or lonely. But she's made it very clear that not only does she not need me in her life anymore, but she doesn't even care about me. Not one phone call in a month and a half. No "Just seeing how you're doing" calls. Of course she held me in high regards and was calling me all the time and telling me she loves me when I was helping her move and buying her meals and stuff and not asking for ANYTHING from her and the relationship was 1 sided....but she completely abandons the relationship when I tell her I love her and want her to give something back. Throughout all this, my true friends and loved ones are shining through. There aren't many people out there who love me unconditionally, but she is definitely not one of them. THAT'S what hurts the most. Anyone else feel hurt and left behind by people we thought loved us?
SuperHands Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Absolutely it hurts. It also hurts when that person who you thought cared for you so much tells you 'I only wanted to be with someone, not particularly you' as I was told. And then in the next sentance be told 'I wish I could have loved you'. You wouldn't be human if it didn't hurt, but i see the hurt as a way of rebuilding and strengthening yourself ready for the one that really does matter. But you just gotta pick yourself up, dust yourself down and have faith that you will find someone who truly will love you one day. There is one person though, that I want to be loved by more than anyone else... me.
CaliGuy Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 ...and she simply doesn't call anymore.....and she was bitter, rude, cold and aloof the last few times I saw her....what is there to dwell on? She wants to move on, she doesn't want me in her life, she probably never thinks about me, and could care less about how my life is going. That is what hurts me as I think about her from time to time. If she ever loved me like she said she did, she would never abandon me 3 times. It's definitely my fault for ALLOWING her to leave me multiple times, and being a doormat nice-guy, but all along I thought she was on my side, I thought she was someone I could call if I was ever feeling low or lonely. But she's made it very clear that not only does she not need me in her life anymore, but she doesn't even care about me. Not one phone call in a month and a half. No "Just seeing how you're doing" calls. Of course she held me in high regards and was calling me all the time and telling me she loves me when I was helping her move and buying her meals and stuff and not asking for ANYTHING from her and the relationship was 1 sided....but she completely abandons the relationship when I tell her I love her and want her to give something back. Throughout all this, my true friends and loved ones are shining through. There aren't many people out there who love me unconditionally, but she is definitely not one of them. THAT'S what hurts the most. Anyone else feel hurt and left behind by people we thought loved us? Dave, did you read the book I recommended? The answers you are seeking as well as advice on how to kick the door mat syndrome are in there. READ THE BOOK
CaliGuy Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 what book??? "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Glover. The bible for door mat men.
cecil brown Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Glover. The bible for door mat men. I just received that book myself; looking forward to reading it.
Biker2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 CG - Thanks for the book recommendation. I have noticed I have a tendency to be "way too nice" when I truly care for somebody. I probably could have used this book a long time ago.
CaliGuy Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 CG - Thanks for the book recommendation. I have noticed I have a tendency to be "way too nice" when I truly care for somebody. I probably could have used this book a long time ago. Your welcome. It's a book all door mat men could use. Don't wait, go buy the book and check back in when you're done. I bet you will learn a lot about how being a door mat is not sexy
AriaIncognito Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I actually bought that book because my ex was reading it at one point and i was curious. I haven't read it yet. I also haven't heard from the ex in 4 months. He wasn't too "nice" to me though, so I can't say if the book applied lol
CaliGuy Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I actually bought that book because my ex was reading it at one point and i was curious. I haven't read it yet. I also haven't heard from the ex in 4 months. He wasn't too "nice" to me though, so I can't say if the book applied lol Read the sections that cover "Covert Contracts" and self esteem/confidence. That applies to everyone, regardless of their sex.
oppath Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 What nice means is subjective. You can still be very nice. It is about being authentic and genuine. If you want sex: you have a right to ask for sex. If your gf/wife pisses you off: you have the right to say "I'm really upset and pissed off right now." Many people mistake the title and think it is about being a bad boy to attract women. The book couldn't be further from that. It is about letting the women in your life know what you want and what your boundaries are and communicating them in a healthy way.
CaliGuy Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 What nice means is subjective. You can still be very nice. It is about being authentic and genuine. If you want sex: you have a right to ask for sex. If your gf/wife pisses you off: you have the right to say "I'm really upset and pissed off right now." Many people mistake the title and think it is about being a bad boy to attract women. The book couldn't be further from that. It is about letting the women in your life know what you want and what your boundaries are and communicating them in a healthy way. Pretty much spot on. I would replace the word "nice" with good and/or kind.
Author NorCalDave Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 Ya know CG, I'll be honest. I went to Barnes and Noble to buy that book last Saturday, and I completely got lost in like 3 other books. I completely forgot to get it. But it definitely sounds like THE book for me, so I'll grab it this weekend and try and understand everything better. Maybe I'll just order it online. Anyways, today I was wondering. What if my ex is letting go BECAUSE she loves me and knows it's best for both of us, and it's a noble act on her part, or does she really just have no inkling to call me anymore because she really never cared about me or loved me and wants nothing to do with me. Hmmm. I honestly don't know which one it is.
CaliGuy Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Ya know CG, I'll be honest. I went to Barnes and Noble to buy that book last Saturday, and I completely got lost in like 3 other books. I completely forgot to get it. But it definitely sounds like THE book for me, so I'll grab it this weekend and try and understand everything better. Maybe I'll just order it online. You keep saying you'll get it, but you haven't and it's the single best medicine you can give yourself. You won't get better until you make a promise to yourself to buy and read the book. Anyways, today I was wondering. What if my ex is letting go BECAUSE she loves me and knows it's best for both of us, and it's a noble act on her part, or does she really just have no inkling to call me anymore because she really never cared about me or loved me and wants nothing to do with me. Hmmm. I honestly don't know which one it is. The latter of the two. People who truly love and care about you don't walk away from you. Stop grinding this over in your head as it will do nothing to resolve the situation or make you move forward with your life. What will is reading the book so you can see first hand how far you've fallen and start the climb back to the top. Stop living your life by looking behind you. It does absolutely nothing to help you move on.
loveinlife Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Glover. The bible for door mat men. lol speaking of the book, you just reminded me to open my barnes and nobles package which contains that book. i left the package in the dust for about a month already. thanks for reminding me, also bought it bc i heard from one of your post of how wonderful it is. =) its on my lap right now lol thanks =)
Rayofsunshine Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 This is what I am feeling right now. I get upset when I think of how he could just walk away after 10 years and not look back. Like I have read here so many times - if he loved me he wouldn't have let me go. Then there are times when I think back to the day we broke up and how he looked at me and said that he can't bring me down financially like he did to himself and that he needs to grow up and figure out how to get out of this mess. Was that becaused he loved me? I'm not sure, but I still belive in working through things together, isn't that what a relationship is about? Helping each other through in the bad times?
Diplok Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 It is a wonderful book. I am now reading for the second time and doing the exercises in the book.
AriaIncognito Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I dont know if the OP will find it in the bookstore, I had to order it online. At the stores, it was never in stock.
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