NYGoodfella Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 So here goes... I went out with this really great girl about 3 weeks ago. We went out to the City, had a great time dancing and drinking, she slept over but nothing really happened, just some serious 1/2 naked make out sesssions..Weve been tryin to make plans to see each other since but it seems like shes always busy and it was always me initiating contact (phone, email, text etc..)So finally she called me and told me what "Issues" she has... Basically this girl is from South Africa working as an Au Pair (Babysitter) and before she left she was in a serious relationship with this guy for 4 months. Both of them knowing she was going away for a year. She said she fell "Madly in love" with him and put herself through hell when she left. So now she tells me That she likes me a lot, that im an amazing guy and all these nice compliments that lead me to believe she really does care. BUT she also said that she doesnt want to go through what she went through before with her XBF. Like me, she gets really attached to people rather quickly..I cant stop thinking about this girl and its driving me crazy. And I refuse to initiate any sort if communication cuz she blew me off this weekend. One of the reasons I still want to try work things out is because I see potential for something great. Is she just telling me this to be nice and doesnt want to hurt my feelings? What should I do?? Just let her be or should I be persistant?? HELP!! Please..haha
scottydog Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 so she will be returning to S. Africa at the end of the year? if so, what are the plans afterwards (assuming that you want this to be a relationship) sounds like a summer fling kinda thing...
Author NYGoodfella Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 Well yes she is at the end of January.. Well im really not thinkin about that..I told her I just want to take her to dinner and see what happens... Im hoping shes not thinking I just wanna have sex..I know we can be really good friends if she gives me the oppurtunity
Sleek Geek Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 So here goes... I went out with this really great girl about 3 weeks ago. We went out to the City, had a great time dancing and drinking, she slept over but nothing really happened, just some serious 1/2 naked make out sesssions..Weve been tryin to make plans to see each other since but it seems like shes always busy and it was always me initiating contact (phone, email, text etc..)So finally she called me and told me what "Issues" she has... Basically this girl is from South Africa working as an Au Pair (Babysitter) and before she left she was in a serious relationship with this guy for 4 months. Both of them knowing she was going away for a year. She said she fell "Madly in love" with him and put herself through hell when she left. So now she tells me That she likes me a lot, that im an amazing guy and all these nice compliments that lead me to believe she really does care. BUT she also said that she doesnt want to go through what she went through before with her XBF. Like me, she gets really attached to people rather quickly..I cant stop thinking about this girl and its driving me crazy. And I refuse to initiate any sort if communication cuz she blew me off this weekend. One of the reasons I still want to try work things out is because I see potential for something great. Is she just telling me this to be nice and doesnt want to hurt my feelings? What should I do?? Just let her be or should I be persistant?? HELP!! Please..haha How are you guys going to work things out if you refuse to initiate communication? Did you answer the email where she talks about her issues? I think you owe it to yourself to talk to her some more just to be able to determine whether she does have feelings for you and is just scared or whether she is just letting you off easy. But scottydog's question about the future is fundamental. She obviously is thinking about the future.
Green Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I say dont throw in the towel yet... you should have had sex with her that night you had her over at your place no excuses for that. Dont focus on this one girl to much things sound like they could go either way start asking out some other chicks
Author NYGoodfella Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 How are you guys going to work things out if you refuse to initiate communication? Did you answer the email where she talks about her issues? I think you owe it to yourself to talk to her some more just to be able to determine whether she does have feelings for you and is just scared or whether she is just letting you off easy. But scottydog's question about the future is fundamental. She obviously is thinking about the future. I called her on friday night to confirm plans for Sunday. She didnt pick up and hasnt called me back yet. So thats why I dont want to initiate anything...... About her issues, I told her I understand and I was thinking the same BUT I told her we will cross that bridge when we get there. I said that she might be thinking too much into it and I just wanna take her to Dinner and to get to know her. So now I dont know what to do....Should I reach out to her?
Poboy Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 you tried contacting her and she hasn't responded yet. if she was interested , she would have. she has lot of issues and isn't clear on what she wants. move on from this one sided thing.
Sleek Geek Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Yeah I think I agree with Poboy. You did the right thing and said the right things. Now, it is up to her. Look at this way though: she is doing you a favor by not getting you involved in a tricky situation.
uniqueone Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I think her distance (reluctance) --which she's shown you from day one--is what is compelling you the most.
Author NYGoodfella Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 well She just reached out to me, sent me a text msg sayin "so much for this weekend..." Is she tryin to get together this weekend? I havent seen her in like a month... Should I get over this one or should I take her out?
uniqueone Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 well She just reached out to me, sent me a text msg sayin "so much for this weekend..." Is she tryin to get together this weekend? I havent seen her in like a month... Should I get over this one or should I take her out? That's all she said??? Forget her then. She can't even put together full sentences! You're having to put forth too much effort and I think you're hoping that it'll pay off. It doesn't usually work that way though.
Author NYGoodfella Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 I think her distance (reluctance) --which she's shown you from day one--is what is compelling you the most. See thats what I think sometimes too...Its just that we had a really good date and I felt that we really clicked..and me with my big NY ego is sayin to be persistent...
Sleek Geek Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 See thats what I think sometimes too...Its just that we had a really good date and I felt that we really clicked..and me with my big NY ego is sayin to be persistent... Then be persistent but leave your ego out of it! By that, I mean, it's been my experience that guy who are persistent have a better chance if they approach it in a lighthearted, fun way. As if their ego won't be shattered by rejection. But do pay attention to what she tells you. She sounds wishy-washy if you ask me. This probably has nothing to do with you. She is most likely still hung up on her ex. She is, after all, returning to SA in 3 months. I personnally wouldn't want to invest much time in someone who is confused and confusing.
BeautifulMusic Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 well She just reached out to me, sent me a text msg sayin "so much for this weekend..." Is she tryin to get together this weekend? I havent seen her in like a month... Should I get over this one or should I take her out? No, that doesn't sound like she's talking about this coming weekend. You said she blew you off this weekend and that's why you weren't talking to her... are you sure she did? Maybe there was a miscommunication and that's what she means... just a thought.
uniqueone Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 See thats what I think sometimes too...Its just that we had a really good date and I felt that we really clicked..and me with my big NY ego is sayin to be persistent... Would you be feeling the same way if she was being eager?
Author NYGoodfella Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 Would you be feeling the same way if she was being eager? Absolutely...Im a very good judge of character and I know shes a good person. Shes just really fckn confusing! lol
Author NYGoodfella Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 No, that doesn't sound like she's talking about this coming weekend. You said she blew you off this weekend and that's why you weren't talking to her... are you sure she did? Maybe there was a miscommunication and that's what she means... just a thought. Well I spoke to her on Wednesday to make plans for Sunday (Fri & Sat she was working...supposedly) and she said she would call me. I called her on Fri and she didnt pick up and I didnt leave a Voicemail...and that was the last time I reached out to her..
Sleek Geek Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I posted something else but never mind! I misread. I didn't see that she had said she would call you.
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