no options Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I am so pissed of right now. My wife and I got married after 6 weeks of dating and we had a very rocky first 3 years. I was determined to make this relationship work and I continued to change myself and set a good example in the relationship. Things turned out amazing, we have been married almost 9 years and we have two amazing kids. Until Saturday morning I was so blissfully happy. We had that marriage that everyone talks about as being so successful. Well her freaking conscience got the better of her and Saturday morning she confessed to cheating on me in those early years with 3 different dudes. My worst nightmare coming true. What is worse all she had to do was tell me back then and I would have left her ass and found someone who would be good to me. I HAVE TWO KIDS WHO NEED THEIR PARENTS. I want my kids to have a happy home with loving parents. I feel like my only option is to forgive her and work this out even though that is the last thing I want to do right now. I hate her. She is telling me that she is not that person and that she would never do that now. As far as I am concerned she has ruined our marriage and it is on my shoulders to make it right. I have been saying horrible things to her, I have told her how stupid I think she was for telling me now. What good can come of this, I was happy and now I am not. She did not pull her head out long enough to think if I would really want to know. If I have to stay with her why would I want extra baggage to carry around the rest of my life. GRRRRRR! She wanted to feel closer to me and let me know she is so different but all she has done is shown me that I should have left when I had the chance. My kids are awesome and I would never take their mother from them and there is no way I would wake up without my kids everyday so my only option is to forgive and move forward. I feel helpless and all I want to do is break everything in sight.
oppath Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Your anger is natural and healthy. Try to suppress it enough that you don't become rageful or take it out on the kids. Certainly, you can get a divorce and STILL be there for the kids. It is difficult, but you can do it. What I would suggest is to get yourself into individual counseling for 6 sessions or so, and then possibly couples counseling after you've grasped what you'd really like to do (stay or leave).
Sunny44 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I can't understand why your wife would reveal such damaging information to you. It was very selfish of her. It is water under the bridge now. Your anger is justified and you have a long recovery road ahead of you. Your marriage can be repaired with time and forgiveness. I wish you the best.
Author no options Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 Thanks. I agree, there is absolutely nothing to gain from my knowing what she has told me. Now I have years of heartache and pain to go through for nothing, just because she had to clear her conscience. I think she is an idiot for that and I am just beside myself with anger.
JCD Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 You need to discuss your feelings with her and make up. Trust me, you'll feel much better after doing it. Do not shut down!
AriaIncognito Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 No Options, What if she hadn't told you today and you found out at some other point of time from her, or even worse, from someone else? I'm not sure if the time you're finding out means all that much at this point. What's important now is you figuring out if you can forgive her actions or not. This is obviously not a decision you can make in a matter of hours. Let yourself be angry. Talk to her. Do whatever you have to in order to not let it bottle up because that certainly won't help you. Obviously keep it out of earshot from the children. Ultimately, you're the only one who will be able to make this decision. Keep talking, we'll listen.
rooseveltjezebel Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 It is completely understandable that you are upset. Try to give yourself time to synthesize what has happened and decide if you can forgive your wife. It seems very likely that your wife is upset at this point, too. It must have taken a lot of courage to tell you, and she probably did it out of love, even though it may not seem that way. Nevertheless, it is natural that you feel betrayed and angry to her. Time heals.
kirikat Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Id like to maybe give you a different perspective on this..... because though I understand being a bit angry about getting new information in this way, what REALLY has changed? By your own admission, you got married too quickly, and had a bad start. Though it doesnt justify infidelity, it certainly goes a long way to explain it. And, after only 6 weeks of dating, there could be NO REAL basis for trust between the two of you (and, clearly.... you have said that had you known what was going on, you would have left her.) We love other people, but we do not OWN them. It sounds that one of the reasons you are so angry is that you feel like you had ownership of her body.... and she used it elsewhere. Love isnt possession, and from your account, she got through the early doubts of a too quick marriage, you have gone from a rather instabile early marriage to a stable happy family life... So now, you arent going to forgive her for an indescretion that happened years ago? That doesnt sound like love to me. She is a human, not a slave. She is your wife, and the mother of your children, and whatever she did, she had her reasons.... but ultimately, she decided to stay and work it out. NOTHING has changed between last week and this, except she trusted you enough to tell you about her troubles early in your relationship. I bet she is regretting her trust in you right about now....
AriaIncognito Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 Id like to maybe give you a different perspective on this..... because though I understand being a bit angry about getting new information in this way, what REALLY has changed? By your own admission, you got married too quickly, and had a bad start. Though it doesnt justify infidelity, it certainly goes a long way to explain it. And, after only 6 weeks of dating, there could be NO REAL basis for trust between the two of you (and, clearly.... you have said that had you known what was going on, you would have left her.) We love other people, but we do not OWN them. It sounds that one of the reasons you are so angry is that you feel like you had ownership of her body.... and she used it elsewhere. Love isnt possession, and from your account, she got through the early doubts of a too quick marriage, you have gone from a rather instabile early marriage to a stable happy family life... So now, you arent going to forgive her for an indescretion that happened years ago? That doesnt sound like love to me. She is a human, not a slave. She is your wife, and the mother of your children, and whatever she did, she had her reasons.... but ultimately, she decided to stay and work it out. NOTHING has changed between last week and this, except she trusted you enough to tell you about her troubles early in your relationship. I bet she is regretting her trust in you right about now.... Wow Kirkikat. That was an excellent post. It was a perspective that I never even thought of. Awesome. I hope the OP takes this to heart.
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