wrongtiming Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Hello everybody in LS I am here to get your views on my story. I too am a dumpee... and i too was/am devastated, torn up. I felt like hiding forever. Like digging a hole and burying myself there for ever. Life wasn't worth living without this person, my angel, my soulmate, my best friend. Even in our breakup my ex told me that "life was meaningless without me, but it just wasn't the right thing, right now. it was the wrong timing" We started out as great friends. No other friendship like it. We clicked instantly, and do i mean click. Within a week or two of becoming friends we would say things like "we have one mind!" because that is how much we had in common! It was amazing. I have had great friendships. both female and male. but this one really took the cake. it makes me smile to this day. Soon we showed our attraction for each other and we became intimate. I was over the moon...this was the first person whom i really felt like i was flying with. i was really taken back with love and attraction and i just felt this person was to die for. i would have and still would do anything for my ex. 10 months into our relationship my ex became silent. we always talked through our problems, and we never wanted each other to suffer in our thoughts. so i got it out and then i heard the words "i dont think im ready for us" we seperated that day. amidst both of our tears, heavy sobs, embracing etc. i couldnt understand it as it seemed like the hardest thing for my ex ever had to do, i didnt believe it was the right thing. my ex left me a special gift and i asked "but why?" the reply was "because i still love you" but apparently it was best for both of us to seperate. i was left absolutely horrified. i could have been admitted to hospital for shock! i couldnt believe what was happening to us. everybody was so shocked. my love was gone. we crumbled again in our breakup and we got back together. in this time i said i want you for ever and my ex replied me too. then i hear that my when we were together my ex wanted out and when we were seperated my ex wanted me forever...what a battle! my poor angel. i just want my ex to heal and be happy. i would never initiate contact now, i love my ex too much. my ex told me that the love for me was was true, and very deep. that we were soul mates, but at that time, there was more out there for my ex like travel, and study. and when we were together my ex felt stuck. not free. when we were together i fell very sick and my ex took care of me. i guess it took its toll. we respected each other during our break up, we never name called or raised our voices, until we started talking about relationship and what upset my ex, it was all news to me. i said i couldnt change if i didnt know. ex became really angry with me as i wanted her back so bad i was clueless to what i should say and not say, so ALL my feelings came out...now i have learnt from reading this forum that you should keep your cool, just get to the point of things and leave it at that.. well i had NO idea and i did the opposite! =( Now as far as i know my ex doesnt want to be friends for some time, if it even gets to that. I think, "dont be stupid of course we will be friends", we had a love like no other. and we cared like no other. we ADORED each other. and we told each other everday "i love you." and " i adore you" then this happens "im not ready" we were like peas in a pod. we finished each others sentences, we carried each other around! literally! we gave each other massages all the time, and we nursed each other when we were sick. i taught my ex to dance, and to self love, and my ex taught me to find my own happiness and not place it in someone else. .. now i am much happier. my ex suggested the future - marriage, babies, etc. i went along with it. it made me very happy. anything for my ex. but maybe it was all too much and too soon. we didnt know what was in store for us but apparently it was just not the right time. we are 21 and 23. so far it has been about 1-2 months NC. i am waiting for the day i get a msg or email to make some peace. i am trying to move on with my life. i have become really involved with my work and i am doing great. i have recently studied and got my drivers licence, i have caught up with many things that i couldnt do while i was ill. i am such a stronger person now. physically i am healthier and emotionally i am so much stronger. i now know that you dont REALLY "need" anyone. but WOW is it so much nicer when they are there. do you think in a few years my ex will come back to re-kindle our friendship. im not hoping for a relationship, but honestly i am hoping for some sort of friendly contact. i guess we will one day as my ex ended our last conversation with "talk to you another time" but could it ever be the same? my ex told my best friend in a very heated argument that the love was gone now. too much had happened. but is that true? i jsut cant belive if after such a caring beautiful friendship and relationship. i wish my ex didnt misunderstand me, and new that i never tried to hurt either of us. i wish my ex knew that my heart was always in the right place and that i always did the best i could. since we met 2 years ago. i will always love my ex. always. what do i do?
Author wrongtiming Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 both of us. but i wasnt as good at nc at first. always broke it. my ex broke it too... but since our last convo ive decided the best thing to do is go nc. at least not initate anything.
VIP Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 What is the purpose of your NC? Would you like to move on? Or is it to give her time to sort things out?
Author wrongtiming Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 The purpose of my NC is to try and move on and work on myself. i really dont want to be with anyone. i have to finish working on myself. i love myself enough to do that. but also in the back of my head is if i go NC then my ex might have a chance to miss me or have a chance to cool down and want to make peace. im thinking a few more months though, because im not ready for anything at the moment. come on peoples i know you are all reading this, please give some opinions on what it sounds like she is doing and if i am doing the right/wrong things.
VIP Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 You are doing the right thing. It would be better for you not to wonder about what's in her mind. Let's just say she didn't love you as much as you did. When somebody loves you, they will not walk away from you.
Spinderella Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I dont really know what advice you need as it sounds like you are doing the right thing with NC. But I just want to say that relationships can be very different from each partners perspective. You sound as though you are calm, and will get through this ok. Good luck.
Bosiell Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 To me it does seem such a crying shame that such beautifull thing you shared together could not have continued. To find something so special even at at young age as yours is something that cannot be overlooked and taken for granted that it will happen again. I agree with VIP on a matter. It is very hard to walk away from something or somebody you love, to me it would be impossible. True love conquers all. How much did she you love you? Time will now tell. You are doing the best thing it seems in NC, and you should be proud of what you are achieving during this difficult time. However, there is no strict rule on how relationships should be played. You have to listen to your heart also, telling someone how much you care as never been a bad thing. Good luck, I believe you will work this one out
Curious139 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Good advice here WT and I think you show a very mature attitude. I'm sure you are in pain and grieving too but you haven't dwelt on that. NC has to be the best course for you. To lose such love, a soulmate, must be crushing and I feel for you. As you know every contact refreshes the pain. Having said that, you may be able to have contact in 6 months - a year but only once you have really accepted it is over. I personally believe that if two people really care for each other, even if they can't continue a loving relationship, then friendship longterm is possible. The friendship couldn't be too close in most cases but I certainly don't subscribe to the view that you must delete your ex from your life forever. I've remained friends, at a distance, with all of my exs.
Author wrongtiming Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 I have a few of my ex's things too...i got a msg out of the blue saying "if you find any more of my stuff can you please message me first because i am moving and not sure where yet, thanks" i replied with "sure" i do have a few of my ex's things, but i don't have the guts to message...i'm scared that it will make me feel really down and depressed after having contact... as any contact is painful. Should i just wait until i feel okay about it all, then send a message saying i have a few things? (which might be a few more months or more!) or should i just message now... i dont think i'm ready for any sort of contact whether my ex is really nice to me or really mean. if my ex is nice then it might be false hope, and if it is nasty then i don't want to deal with that either. maybe i shall just wait a while... OR i could message my ex's friend instead and see if my ex has the same address, or get the friend to give me the new address. at this point in time i think i would rather either a)wait it out. im sure my ex doesnt NEED the things right away but would like them back im sure. (but how long is too long before you recieve your old stuff in the mail from your ex) or b) go through the friend.
Author wrongtiming Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 That is how i feel Bosiell. we had such a connection. such an amazing bond on a level that was just so high. i dont know why she would let it go unless she is planning to come back one day...maybe she doesnt realise what we had really was SPECIAL. not everyone meets someone in their life like we did. maybe she will think about me one day and want to get into contact. it is just such a crying shame. on the other hand, i feel in my heart that i know for sure she has to go out and see what the world has to offer her. and i cant be by her side while she does it. we cant be friends and see each other be with other people... i shouldnt analyise but is it just part of the process? either seh doesnt want to be friends because a)she really does love me and cant have me in her life if she is going to go experience men..its got to be all or nothing b)she really has had enough and she has lost all care and love for me c)both? i kind of see it like this when you turn 18 (or 21 whatever the legal age is in your country) you cant keep holding onto your mums hand for help. you have to go out and live your own life.. its kind of differnt but that is how it feels to me. she cant go out and see what there is for her if we are still friends... thoughts? really need to sort something out in my head.
Spinderella Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I think you are right with regards your ex's belongings. Wait until you are at least out of this very painful stage, unless you would rather just get it all over at once. If it is stuff that she would not be likely to need in a hurry, or could easily replace, then just wait it out. If you have the fear that she will be contacting you about it, and it is hindering your moving on, then I dont know, maybe best to get it out of the way.
Author wrongtiming Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 do i really? i guess so... mainly i want answers that arent there yet and only time will tell...all i am clueless on is if she will come back or not and that my friends you cant answer can you... i think im starting to rush into things again, when i just need to give myself time, give the situation time. not worry about my ex so much. i wish i didnt come across as a psycho ex though in the breakup!! i regret how i handled it back then. i know so much more now, i wish i handled it better. but i know i only did my best. wish my ex new that too...
Reactor Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 How old are you? You're acting like you're 30 and know everything. Don't worry though, I'm the same. We try to look for answers when there are none instead of just getting on with rebuilding ourselves we look for some sort of reason why the relationship ended. Honestly, I don't know how old your girlfriend is. But my dad said this to me when I was having difficulty understanding it all "Everyone goes through a period where they change, they loose themselves and try to look for their identity, often in the early 20's. They become unsure about themselves and those close to them, relationships often suffer because of this." Honestly what he said was right, I think your ex maybe experiencing these changes. And over the course of it all she has looked at your relationship and thought 'I can't do this right now'. Its horrible, because shes being selfish, but honestly human beings are inherently selfish creatures. What you need to be is selfish yourself and no matter how much it hurts, attempt to move on. Rebuild yourself, have fun and keep up the good work regarding NC! Good Luck, Reactor
Author wrongtiming Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 lol yeah... well i'm 24 next month...and on the contrary there are a few 30 year olds out their that dont know much. so that statement didnt really mean anything to me... but if you meant i was trying to find all the answers, then sometimes yep i do that. i need to be able to just let things be. and sometimes i can. it just takes me practice. i have learnt so much this year... so much. all good things. tough lessons though.. but yes you are totally right about my ex.. which is why i have no left over anger or bitterness because i really know its something she has to do. .she doesnt know any other way to do it, and she will come out of it hopefully a bigger person. thanks for the reply reactor. definately something i needed reminding of. WT
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