Discovery day again

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Your H sounds strikingly familiar to mine.

I don't think some people want to know that some MM cheat once and never do it again. That they become trustable again. That the A was solely about sex and an ego boost and not about love.

 

I guess, whatever gets them through their A with their MP.

 

I'm happy for your situation HAL, and if you can move past an affair in your marriage, you must have worked hard to do it.

 

However, designating all affairs as sex-fuelled and all OW as disposable and replaceable is shortsighted. Some OW have had real relationships with these men, albeit not full relationships.

 

I think the problems of these forums are the generalisations. This is not directed solely at you, at all posters.

 

Each relationship, each triangle, each affair is different. There may be many simliarities between affair behaviour for both OW and BW, yet they are all different, different circumstances, different people. This is where we all fall down in generalisation - we judge responses by our OWN situations and our OWN situations may be similar, yet are never the same.

[Havn_a_life]

Well, if they have had real relationships with the OWs they've had As with, why don't they D their Ws? And please don't hand me those cliche' excuses. they don't wash.

I'm sorry and I see your points, but that right there shows me just how selfish MMs are, toward the BW and the OW.

I do understand that some OWs develop feelings of love for the MM. But, it's fruitless for them to continue to harbor those feelings when the MM isn't leaving the W.

They're only doing themselves harm.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Well, if they have had real relationships with the OWs they've had As with, why don't they D their Ws? And please don't hand me those cliche' excuses. they don't wash.

I'm sorry and I see your points, but that right there shows me just how selfish MMs are, toward the BW and the OW.

I do understand that some OWs develop feelings of love for the MM. But, it's fruitless for them to continue to harbor those feelings when the MM isn't leaving the W.

They're only doing themselves harm.

 

I dont dispute MM's are selfish...

 

I'm not sure which cliche statements you are referring to but I'm guessing its things like "I need to stay for the children" or "Financially, I'm trapped in marriage". The problem is, cliches they may be for some, yet for others they're the truth.

 

I think its very possible for men to have extramarital relationships that are very real to them, and very real to the OW - even without leaving the M.

[foreverchanged]

What would you call a 2 year affair that was kept going by blackmail/threats?

[Havn_a_life]

I dont dispute MM's are selfish...

 

I'm not sure which cliche statements you are referring to but I'm guessing its things like "I need to stay for the children" or "Financially, I'm trapped in marriage". The problem is, cliches they may be for some, yet for others they're the truth.

 

I think its very possible for men to have extramarital relationships that are very real to them, and very real to the OW - even without leaving the M.

 

Here's the way I look at it.

If a MM or MW wants to have an A, they will. If they want to leave because they truly feel they would be happy with the A partner, they will.

There's no in between with someone like that.

That whole BS about, my kids would be devestated. The W would take everything I have...BS.

To be with the one you love, you take risks.

If you don't think the OP is worth those risks, you shell out those lame a*ss excuses I mentioned above and thus the MM gets to have his cake and eat it too, especially if the OW is willing to put up with it.

[Havn_a_life]

What would you call a 2 year affair that was kept going by blackmail/threats?

 

First of all, I would say, OUCH!

Next, would be a question of who was doing the blackmailing?

[Mino]

SOOOOOOOOOOOO why is the divorce RATE almost 60% in this country??? Ohhhh I know cause there are so many CHEATERS out there that happen to fall IN LOVE with OW!!!!! HHHMMMMMMM something to think about,

[silktricks]

Your H sounds strikingly familiar to mine.

I don't think some people want to know that some MM cheat once and never do it again. That they become trustable again. That the A was solely about sex and an ego boost and not about love.

 

I guess, whatever gets them through their A with their MP.

 

Ain't that the truth. Sounds like my H too, except his was strictly about ego boost. Not even sex and certainly no love . If they/she could just see the look on his face if her name is brought up. It's enough to curdle milk.

[silktricks]

SOOOOOOOOOOOO why is the divorce RATE almost 60% in this country??? Ohhhh I know cause there are so many CHEATERS out there that happen to fall IN LOVE with OW!!!!! HHHMMMMMMM something to think about,

 

Such BS. If you think that even a large fraction of those who get divorced already have somebody on the side you are soooooo mistaken.

 

And of those who get divorced who have someone on the side, 9 times out of 10 it's the BS who chooses to divorce, not the cheater . But go ahead and live in your fantasy if that's what you need to get you through the day.

[OpenBook]

Ain't that the truth. Sounds like my H too, except his was strictly about ego boost. Not even sex and certainly no love .

 

No -- in your situation, silkysilk, it was probably more of an insurance policy for him, in case you didn't come back after you abandoned him.

[silktricks]

No -- in your situation, silkysilk, it was probably more of an insurance policy for him, in case you didn't come back after you abandoned him.

 

Nah, I didn't abandon him. I separated for a period of time (with his full agreement, I might add). He knew I was coming back, I knew I was coming back. He decided to play while I was gone.

 

Though he still took me on some really cool vacations. . .

 

He wasn't looking for an insurance policy, cuz he wouldn't have stayed with her if he was paid to. He was just lookin to feel better about himself whilst I was absent. Same sorry stuff as most MM (or MW) .

[Mino]

Nah, I didn't abandon him. I separated for a period of time (with his full agreement, I might add). He knew I was coming back, I knew I was coming back. He decided to play while I was gone.

 

Though he still took me on some really cool vacations. . .

 

He wasn't looking for an insurance policy, cuz he wouldn't have stayed with her if he was paid to. He was just lookin to feel better about himself whilst I was absent. Same sorry stuff as most MM (or MW) .

MINE took me on some really COOL VACATIONS TOO:lmao: thats how he got caught:p

[Mino]

while the BETRAYED WIFE WAS HOME:bunny::bunny:

[GreenEyedLady]

Well, I'd say a good # of them just go out and find a new OW. I very much doubt they get all freaked out.

 

You obviously know nothing about A's or MM when OW end it...

 

But that's ok, stay in your little bubble...

[GreenEyedLady]

I don't think some people want to know that some MM cheat once and never do it again. That they become trustable again.

 

Or they just get better at hiding it...You know, whatever gets them through their M...

[norajane]

while the BETRAYED WIFE WAS HOME:bunny::bunny:

 

And he's still home with her. Right now.

 

You're not 'winning' this 'competition', Mino. The cheater wins - he's got both of you mad at each other and fawning over him.

[Mino]

Or they just get better at hiding it...You know, whatever gets them through their M...

LMAO:lmao::lmao:

[underpants]

It makes me wonder if some cheating parties are more in competition with the betrayed parties then really in love with these married people?

[Mino]

And he's still home with her. Right now.

 

You're not 'winning' this 'competition', Mino. The cheater wins - he's got both of you mad at each other and fawning over him.

Im not mad with her, why should I be? Competiton??? I dont see this as a game. But I am sure when she see, Her " competition is gone, and she is left with her prize, she will ALWAYS wonder when the next "competition will show up. See that IS the difference between her and I. I don't need him, I do love him. But I don't need him for finiancial support. I CAN go on without him, if I wanted....

[Mino]

It makes me wonder if some cheating parties are more in competition with the betrayed parties then really in love with these married people?

NOPE, your wrong on that. I DO LOVE HIM Thats my problem:bunny:

[frannie]

You say it is no one's business but no one was asking, however you chose to tell us.

 

If the problem lies with you, he isn't going to just stop his routine because that will cause questioning from his wife I suspect.

He will wait until things return to normal.

It is no skin off his nose. Better to wait patiently for a while rather than blast the whole thing out of the water and blow his cover so to speak.

 

I think your mm is a liar. He doesn't lie by omission.

He must tell his wife where he is staying and who with--is it a fictitious friend for instance?

If she shows no more interest that she does already, then he is good at covering his tracks or she wants to believe him. Either way it doesn't sound like she will force a d-day (nor will he) and you being the OW could be a long term relationship if you allow it to be. You have zero future with him and he is full of sh**.

 

I do not think he wants you as his wife or he would make it happen.

 

Yes, well you probably get all that from her own lips, given that you know her personally. How is MM's W, by the way, I forgot to ask

[frannie]

Well, if they have had real relationships with the OWs they've had As with, why don't they D their Ws? And please don't hand me those cliche' excuses. they don't wash.

I'm sorry and I see your points, but that right there shows me just how selfish MMs are, toward the BW and the OW.

I do understand that some OWs develop feelings of love for the MM. But, it's fruitless for them to continue to harbor those feelings when the MM isn't leaving the W.

They're only doing themselves harm.

 

In many cases I'd agree with you. But I disagree with your blanket 'it's fruitless' comment. Surely it's up to the individual to make their own choices in life? Of course many people will call that a selfish, amoral standpoint, but there it is. It's life, whether you like it or not.

 

To answer your first point, why divorce, simply because you have a love relationship outside the marriage..? Because there are LOTS of reasons to be married, and only ONE of those is 'love'. OK, I understand we're posting on 'LOVE' shack here and everyone is hung up about luuuurve. But there's more to life than that, more to marriage than that. Things like children, responsibility, honour, family feeling. You don't just toss those aside because you fell for someone else.

 

Not everyone lives their life according to the dictates of love. An affair can easily be a love affair... not just something sexual. Anyone claiming that that's not the case is simply naive, blind or ill-informed.

[Mino]

In many cases I'd agree with you. But I disagree with your blanket 'it's fruitless' comment. Surely it's up to the individual to make their own choices in life? Of course many people will call that a selfish, amoral standpoint, but there it is. It's life, whether you like it or not.

 

To answer your first point, why divorce, simply because you have a love relationship outside the marriage..? Because there are LOTS of reasons to be married, and only ONE of those is 'love'. OK, I understand we're posting on 'LOVE' shack here and everyone is hung up about luuuurve. But there's more to life than that, more to marriage than that. Things like children, responsibility, honour, family feeling. You don't just toss those aside because you fell for someone else.

 

Not everyone lives their life according to the dictates of love. An affair can easily be a love affair... not just something sexual. Anyone claiming that that's not the case is simply naive, blind or ill-informed.

Very well said, Frannie,

[Havn_a_life]

Ain't that the truth. Sounds like my H too, except his was strictly about ego boost. Not even sex and certainly no love . If they/she could just see the look on his face if her name is brought up. It's enough to curdle milk.

 

Stop! You are way too much like me! It's scary.

Curdled milk? LOL Yeah, that sure does describe it to a T.

 

Let's just say, I'm just glad we don't live in the same town as her anymore.

[Havn_a_life]

MINE took me on some really COOL VACATIONS TOO:lmao: thats how he got caught:p

 

Wow, now that's something to be proud of.